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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NO…
ZAPPED!
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER

We’d be hard pressed if we didn’t have walkie-talkies for the farm. The way we go in different directions to do the chores, up one hill down another, go to different barns, the walkie-talkies are definite step savers and easier on the toncils than just running back and forth and yelling information.

They became even more important after I had my knee replaced two weeks ago. Now you would think that all Lee had to do was plant me in the bed and leave me and go on about the business of doing chores. Why bother with walkie-talkies? What trouble could I get into? But, when that knee was done and they sent me home three days later, I discovered a very odd thing. I couldn’t lift my leg off the bed with that new knee.

It was beyond comprehension. I could lift that leg before surgery, why not now? All I know was that I had this distinct impression that if I simply lifted that leg up off the bed, that I was going to die.

All newly replaced knees people must go through the same thing. The nurses in the hospital never even asked me to move the leg by myself, they simply walked in and gently lifted it themselves to where it needed to go. Seeming totally use to hearing my whimperings of, “Oh, oh, oh. Careful, oh please be careful. I think I’m going to dieeeeeee!”

So, three days later finds me at home, propped up in bed with my Ice Man. I hope that whoever invented the Ice Man is a wealthy happy person. People finding themselves with hugely swollen limbs really appreciate the Ice Man. It’s a contraption sent home with knee replacements that looks like a small cooler that hooks into the electric and a long hose that is hooked to a big flat pad where you can see cool water flowing through one side and the upper side is velveteen with straps that wrap around the swollen limb.

You fill the Ice Man up with ice and water and the pad is wrapped around the swollen limb, and it tends to stay cool for up to 8 hours. Now, buying all that ice can get expensive, so many people buy the tiny bottles of pop, drink them, fill them up with water, freeze them, and then put them in the cooler of the Ice Man with some water. This is what we did.

Now propped up in bed with the Ice Man cooler on the floor, the cooling pad covering the wounded and unhappy knee, TV remote in hand, a dishpan full of drinks and snacks beside me. All this should have keep me out of Lee’s way so he could get the goat chores done, all by his lonesome.

But no help for it. The bathroom called. I grabbed up my walkie-talkie and, “Breaker breaker there goat farmer, I need you to help me take my leg off the bed.”

I hear this very kind, tired, patient voice say, “I’ll be right there.” In minutes he was up the hill from the barn and very gently lifting my leg up off the bed and placing the foot on the floor. All the time listening to my scared little squeals, “Careful, careful, oh, please be careful.” Lee helped line up my walker so I could struggle upward and make it to the bathroom. When I came back, he carefully picked up the leg and put it back on the bed, listening to a low whining sound that I suddenly realized was coming from me.

After many more trips coming up from the barn to lift my leg off the bed and then put it back on the bed, the next three days were very busy for both of us. And then I discovered the easy chair in the living room. I discovered that if I cautiously approached it, lined my walker up just right, carefully let the injured leg’s foot slide forward, clutch the chair’s arms in a death grip, I could then slowly lower myself and put pillows behind my legs, get hold of the chair’s lever and lift my legs up. I could now get up and down by myself without running Lee to death to help me move my very sensitive leg. Wonderful!

The walkie-talkie gets a bit of a rest now and it doesn’t take quit as long for Lee to do the goat chores. Instead he gets to hear comments like, “How’s my bodacious goats doing?” Bodacious in CB lingo means awesome. “Did you remember to hug Lolly today? She and Wendy need a hug every day if they are to grow right.”

Most people do not realize this, there are some goats that need a hug a day for their goat maintenance. Now other goats would definitely go down hill in their growth if they even thought that you considered hugging them. They would be absolutely horrified over the notion. And, you have to consider your own growth as a goat farmer, sometimes you are the one that needs to hug a goat and then all feels right with your goat world. If you find a goat that needs this hug and you need to give a hug, then things work out very well.

People who do not feel the need to hug their goats, then you try to make sure they get the goats who would be horrified of being hugged. Things work out just fine that way.

Wait a minute, I’ve got to give Lee some more advice now that I have to wait for this knee to heal. “Breaker, breaker, there big goat farmer, got your ears on? Don’t forget to pat T Red on the head. She doesn’t like hugging, but expects a pat every day. We got to keep them healthy and happy.”

I am sure Lee is thankful for these walkie-talkies and this easy chair, as much as I am, and can’t wait for my next bit of advice.


THE END


 

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