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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NO…
ZAPPED!
MANIPULATE WHAT?

At last, six weeks after partial knee surgery, I was in the doctor’s office on Friday to hear the verdict about my knee, and possibly, just possibly, be allowed a little more freedom so I could go outside to visit the goats. I know, I know, the doctor had informed me before the surgery to not expect to go outside a lot, much less go down to the barn before three months was up, but I was hopeful.

It has been a battle to get the knee to bend 90 degrees and it had just done that a couple of days before the doctor’s appointment. I had talked to some total knee replacement people who said they had got to a 90 degrees bend on the third day after their surgery. Show offs. The hospital had sent me home on the fourth day after surgery with only a 64 degree bend, but I figured my spending most the time in the hospital throwing up was the cause of my under achieving.

The physical therapist and I then took on the challenge to try and catch up. He showed up twice a week to torture, I mean, work me and my contrary knee, and I faithfully exercised three times a day, no matter the pain, to get the knee working better. So now I was waiting on the doctor and the verdict on all my hard work and whining.

The doctor came in and gave my knee a solemn look and took it in his hands and worked it a little. He said, “Adhesions. We need to put you back into surgery on Monday, put you to sleep, and I need to do a knee manipulation and get more bend back into this knee. It won’t take long to do. It will take longer to wake you up, but it needs to be done. And, I want you to have physical therapy the next day and for the next two weeks.”

Well, goat berries! All my hard work and I get a knee manipulation. Rats. That’s that, if I’m to get to the barn and give Lee a hand with all the chores, then knee manipulation it would be. The hospital called that evening and told me I had to be there at 5:45 a.m. Monday morning. Good thing, I would be the first in surgery.

When I arrived, the nurse quickly had me change into a hospital gown three times the size I needed, put an IV in my vein, and got a magic marker and wrote “YES” across the right knee so everyone would know which knee to work on. I would think the very large scar and it still being swollen would have given them a clue, but it’s always better to be safe in case someone had forgotten their coffee that morning and was a bit sleepy.

It wasn’t long before they moved me from that holding pen to another. There the people that were going to put me to sleep talked to me and introduced themselves and the doctor came in to say hello and asked a couple of times if I had some pain pills at home. This made me a tad bit nervous but I had figured this would hurt, maybe I just didn’t realize how much. Before I had time to ponder on it some more, I blanked out. Out like a light. Yes, that fast. Those guys were good.

I found myself in yet another holding pen, awake, shivering, hurting like all get out, and wondering when they would get started. The nurse informed me it was over. I was so joyful over this that I didn’t mind a bit that I hurt like the dickens and couldn’t control my shakes.

A new nurse, being trained for that area, grew concerned with my pain. To tell the truth I didn’t know what hurt worse, my knee or my back. I can’t lay flat on my back on a hard bed for long without my back giving me terrible fits. The knee might have hurt some worse but it was a neck to neck race. Anyway, the new girl was very sweet and worriedly asked the older nurse to give me something for my pain.

The nurse took her a ways from my bed and explained to her that I had been given small amounts of morphine, and two other pain medications and with the anesthesia they had to be very careful because each person reacted differently. They could accidentally push me into a coma.

Now I was pretty loopy from the anesthesia but I heard and understood that. I waved my hand up in the air, “I’m fine. I’m fine. Don’t worry.” Waves of pain and chattering teeth were nothing compared to going into a coma. You bet I was fine.

I convinced them to raise up my bed a bit so I wasn’t lying flat and to distract myself from the pain of both knee and back, I started talking. To no one in particular because everyone seemed busy, “You know, I have 160 head of Boer goats. They are gorgeous. Beautiful animals. And, we have livestock guard dogs to protect them from the coyotes. They are fantastic. Wonderful dogs. We wouldn’t have goats if it wasn’t for those dogs.”

I chattered on to no one in particular. One nurse did stop her work and ask about the dogs so we talked a bit about them. And, either I was ready to leave or they were just tired of listening to me, I was rolled to my first holding pen.

There the nurse informed me that if I acted good, drank some liquids, ate some crackers, and didn’t throw up, they’d eventually let me go home. And, an extra bonus, Lee could come back and sit with me until they thought I was ready to go home.

Lee came back and proudly informed me that the doctor could only get a 85 degree bend at first from my knee, but by the time it was over, he had got a 130 degree bend. Good grief, was he trying to kick me in the back of my head with my own foot?! But, at least all adhesions should be broke loose now.

I discovered that what ever stuff they used to put me to sleep kept me so loopy that I would ask a question of the nurse, she would answer, and so help me, in seconds I forgot what she had said. I remembered my question, just couldn’t remember the answer. I apologized to the nurse and told her I had a teflon brain at the moment, and I couldn’t remember her answers for any length of time. Patiently she kept answering my questions, the same questions, a couple of times each. You know, it wasn’t any time before she decided I was fit to go home.

Lee had to lift my leg off the bed again because I couldn’t stand the pain to do so, but the nurse had me in that wheel chair in no time at all and I was waiting at the front door of the hospital for Lee to pull the car around and fetch me. It was good to get home. I couldn’t put much weight on the newly manipulated knee, but it didn’t seem to slow me down on the walker.

The leg is all swollen up, aches considerably, and I still have to exercise it like crazy, but nothing beats getting back to the farm. The manipulation will be well worth it to get me motoring along half decently and maybe get down to the barn in a month or two.

As I was standing with my walker, doing dishes the next day, I can only stand for a half hour then I have to go ice the knee a bit, Lee went and got the yearling herd and put them in the backyard to cheer me up. One of the yearlings, Penny Rose, has caught on that if she hears noises out of the kitchen window, it’s usually me at the sink. She can’t see me but stands under the window and we talk back and forth.

She stood under the window and called out tentatively. “Yes, I’m here Penny Rose. How are you doing, baby girl?” She called back happily. “Yes, I had that knee manipulation and I should be able to visit soon.” So, we chatted back and forth that until I had to go and ice my knee again. The goats have been very supportive during this knee time.


THE END


 

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