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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NO…
ZAPPED!
STARGATE BOERS

Going through a knee replacement, you find yourself unable to do much of nothing for extremely long periods of time. You hurt too much to read and there really isn't that much on television. But, after purchasing a Stargate SG-1 series that was on sale, all with the intentions of getting ready for the surgery, I became hooked on the series. I had never watched the Stargate. Ten years they had been on television and they also had started a Stargate Atlantis that sadly only lasted five years, which I also got hooked on.

So, with the help of watching the Stargates on Netflex and hunting up good deals to purchase the SG-1 series, I unashamedly became a fan. Lee came in one day and poked his head around the corner where I sat with ice on my knee, avidly watching an old SG-1 show, and asked if I had become a Goa'uld yet.

Now really, a Goa'uld? I was insulted. That's the baddie in the beginning of the Stargate series. They are people who have been taken over by the big garter snake with the bad overbite. That snake thing has burrowed into the back of the neck of a person, taking over his body and brain, causing him to have flashing eyes, a very deep voice, and act totally snobby and mean. That snake thing also gives his host's body an extremely long life and able to heal from most diseases and wounds, but the host has to sit in the background while the snake does what he wants with the host's body. Which is mainly being mean and telling primitive people that he is a god. Most of the primitives believe this because the Goa'uld have high tech weaponry.

For one thing, I could never become a Goa'uld because I don't intentionally get close enough to any snake to let it touch me. Another thing, the goats wouldn't allow it. I could see me walking out among the goats and saying, "I am your god. You will worship me!"

The goats would react by saying, "Did she say she had a grain bucket? Why else would she be speaking in such a deep loud voice and flashing her eyes to get our attention if she didn't have a grain bucket? Get her!"

By that time, if I did have a grain bucket I would have thrown it up in the air and would be making a dash for the pasture gate. Having over 80 does in the main field get you down for your bucket is no fun. They can just have that stupid bucket. And, being a snob demanding obedience does not work with goats. They can humble you seconds, by taking your grain bucket and running over you, or, if you are showing them off, by refusing to be around you and your guests. Unless of course you get a grain bucket, and you know how that goes. Not only do you get knocked down but also your guest. No, an uppity Goa'uld would not last on a goat farm.

Now there is the Tokra where a polite snake has asked to share the person's body and that person has accepted because they are going to be extremely healthy and live a long time. Plus, they have equal rights to the body. Sometimes the snake gets to talk and do what it wants and then the person get his chance to talk and do what he wants, but they both have to agree on anything they do. A Tokra couldn't survive on a goat farm either. He wouldn't see the sense of carrying a feed bucket in a big herd of goats, which is traditional to do several times or more in the beginning, because you just can't believe you got trampled for doing it earlier. Don't worry, eventually, you do learn to build a feeding pen or put the feeders on the gate to cut down on the tramplings.

The round Stargate would fit on a goat farm. I don't know how many times new people have come to our farm and get all big eyed and think they have stepped on a new planet, in fact on a new galaxy, with all the goats around, learning the scheduling of their care. That the farm, in fact, revolves around the goats.

You also have to become a language translator as the new people step from their world into your goat world. You have to explain to them alien ideas of caring for livestock. They just wanted either a few cute goats to have around that you petted but didn't have to care for, or they wanted to buy a meat goat herd and still not care for it and not even pet, and more importantly, who wouldn't interfere with their vacations or their free time. Yes, stepping through the goat Stargate is a big shock to many folks.

Laid up with my new knee, I did go through ten years worth of Stargate SG-1 and then five years of Stargate Atlantis and in spite of the uncomfortable knee, enjoyed every adventure in the Stargate series. I watched them so much that when Lee got a chance to come in from doing chores to rest, he sat down fascinated by them and watched what he could, when time would allow.

I do believe he became a fan, too. I think that if there was a Stargate convention nearby, we just might attend. There's Star Trek conventions for the trekkies, I assume there would be something like that for the …… would we be called gatties? Whatever. I told Lee we could find a costume that would bulge with muscles to make him a Jaffa, a muscular warrior who did everything the Goa'uld told them. Plus, they incubated the baby snakes in a pouch in their bellies and in appreciation the baby snakes gave them long life and good health but didn't control them.

Me, I'd dress up like a fancy looking Egyptian Goa'uld queen, commanding my muscular costumed Jaffa around. Lee just walked by and told me not to count on it. And, that he was going through the Stargate to go to town to buy goat feed.

THE END


 

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