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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEARíS RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NOÖ
ZAPPED!
autumnfarmsboers.com
Connie Reynolds
Autumn Farm
Ravenswood, WV

SSSSSSSNAKE ROUND-UP
by
Connie S. Reynolds

Two days ago I looked down in the buckís pen from our backyard and saw Lee slightly bent over, shooing something ahead of him with his hands, towards the buckís building. The buck was standing back from Lee, acting a little concerned over Leeís actions.

"What cha doiní, Lee?" I asked. Thatís West Virginian talk for, "I say, whatever are you doing, Lee?"

"Iím herding this five foot black snake under the building to catch that rat that lives there," he explained.

"Oh," I said very faintly.

I am not a fan of snakes. A certain type of palsy comes over me if I see a snake or think I see a snake. I can shake better then a bowl full of jelly. I would totally collapse if it wasnít for the thought that I might fall on the snake. Instead I do this quick little dog trot in place and if I could just get it out of neutral, I know I could out distance any snake.

If I canít get the dogtrot going after I see the snake, then I have a variety of snake dances I do. I jitterbug, do the watusie, mash the mash potato, and do everything but the twist. The twist doesnít have enough foot action for me. I have done all the above mentioned dances all at one time and all on the same spot. I have totally mesmerized snakes into motionless with my snake dances until Lee could come and save us both. The snake from dying of laughter and me from total physical exhaustion. Those aerobics instructors have nothing over me. Iíve thought many times of an exercise video for people needing a workout. All I would have to be able to do is stand in front of a camera and lift a snake up for all to see. I could just see the fat melting action from that and the heart attack, and all from me.

What happened to Leeís snake he was herding? It did go into the tiniest hole under the building where the rats live. Lee went on up into the upper yearling pasture to work on fence. A little later he turned around and that same snake, or its twin, was behind him. Evidently it had a regular route through that pasture and he was in the way.

Baby, our year old livestock guard dog, saw Lee from across the pasture and ran over to say Hello and to check him out. Before she got to him, she stepped on that snake. That snake took offense and reared back and hissed at her, wiggling the tip of its tail. Baby had never seen anything like it and kept back, but herded that snake out of the pen.

That tail wagging thing of snakes always bothers me. The poisonous snakes in our area are copperheads and water moccasins. Both double dealing nasty pieces of work, never trying to get out of your way, but immediately biting. Make all the noise you want in the woods, folks, thinking you are chasing away snakes. You are chasing away snakes, but itís the nonvenomous ones. That olí copperhead stays put and waits to bite you with eager anticipation.

And, heíll wag his tail while heís waiting. So will the black snake, house snake, garter snake, racer, and whatever snake I am forgetting that lives in our area. Where did they learn this? Weíre not suppose to have rattlesnakes in our area, up in the mountains, yes, but not here. I am very suspicious over this, how did they learn the tail shaking thing unless they saw it done? Now think on that and walk lightly.

That snake did leave Babyís pasture, but later we saw Baby walking along the hill, head down, barking continuously, with a small herd of 22 yearlings following her to see what the commotion was all about. Yep, it was that same snake coming back into what it considered its territory. Baby herded the snake out of the pasture and into our backyard where it disappeared behind our cellar house. Oh, joy.

Last year we had a multitude of gigantic black snakes come to visit us. I swear, someone is feeding them growth hormones. Once I was down at the barn, getting ready to step into a kidding stall to check on some girls, and I had to step over something to get into the stall. It clicked in the back of my mind that I usually didnít have to step over anything to get into this stall. I glanced down to see a six-foot long black snake looking up at me.

I did a high "eeeeeeeeeeeeeee", like air escaping from a balloon. I leaped back and unable to go into my dogtrot in place thing, I went into my snake dance, all the time emitting blasts of "eee!" "eeee!" "eee!"

Lee heard me and came charging into the barn. He immediately recognized my snake dance. "What is it?" he shouted over my eeeees. "A snake? You havenít killed it, have you?" Which I thought a particularly absurd thing to say. I was too busy dancing.

He spotted the snake, swooped down and picked it up. Its length was indeed almost as tall as my 6 foot 4 inch husband. Then it slowly started winding itself around his arm to make itself more comfortable. It looked trustingly into Leeís face. I thought I was going to puke. He and the two yard dogs took it far off into the pasture and turned it loose. I just bet it was drawing a map all the way out there on how to come back.

Not long after that we were down at the barn working on the hay baler. It is most natural for a baler to break down right before hay season, or better yet if you are in the hay field.

Iím good at working on machinery. Iím an ideas person. Lee is the know how to make it work type of person. My insights lead to great discoveries on why something doesnít work. "Lee, that thingy really shouldnít be next to that springy thingy, should it? Iíd certainly check that out. What happened? Did that close on your finger? I bet that hurt. I find that it helps to cry. You should try it sometime."

While in the middle of giving my advice I happened to look up the hill towards the house. Down the path came something black, shiny, and extremely long. I felt my eyesight go blurry and a dogtrot fast coming on. "Uh, Lee, what is that coming down the hill?" I asked in dread.

"Well, look at that big fellow! I think heís the biggest one yet," Lee says, and he goes over and picks it up. They never run from Lee. The snake just accepts the fact it is now going on a very long walk out into the countryside with Lee, to be turned loose way far away from a strangely dancing woman. THE END

 

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