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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NO…
ZAPPED!
THE GAME’S AFOOT

A couple of days ago I had to run a bunch of errands before doing the afternoon goat chores. The Health Dept. was giving out free H1N1 shots to anyone over eighteen, starting at eight in the morning. Then I wanted to stop at the vet’s and pick up some arthritis medicine for one of our backyard dogs, do some grocery shopping, and pick up a prescription, plus a few odds and ends on the way back to the farm.

The H1N1 shot at the Health Dept. found a line that looped around the building by the time I got there. I hurried and jumped in line and said to the people around me, “Is this the line for a free shot?” Implying that if anything was free, I was there. This brought a lot of laughter from the crowd and we all started making smart comments trying to out do each other. For a crowd waiting for a needle, we were awfully jolly. That’s the way it is a lot of time when you don’t get off the farm or out of the house much, get in a crowd and you think it’s party time. Evidently all of us in that line had not been off the farm in a long time.

After the shot, I went on down the list to get all the errands done. Things took a bit longer here and there, so by the time I got back to the farm, I was a tad bit late. After watering the girls in the upper field and checking everyone over, it was time to take care of the water and hay hauling and grain feeding down around the main barn. At five that morning the weanling girls had had breakfast in their feed area and usually I am back in two hours to shut the gate to keep them out of the feed area so it would be safe to put the grain out into the feeders for evening feeding. Try putting grain in feeders with a whole bunch of little girls trying to climb into your bucket. It can’t be done. Trust me, I’ve tried.

Well, errands had got in the way of closing that feed area gate early, so I had to adjust. What I found were a bunch of weanling girls standing in the feed area, peeking around the corner of the barn, yelling, “Feed Me! Feed Me! No! Me first!”

Then they would charge out of the feed area at a dead run to the end of the barn where they could look through the gate and see me preparing the grain in the grain room. I thought, good! This will work! And, I dove out of the grain room and ran through the barn to go out the back barn door and get into that feed area and shut the gate. Piece a cake. Nope. The girls knew exactly what I was doing and beat me to the feed area.

Okay, I thought, I’d just go ahead and feed the weanling buck boys in the other pens until the little girls got confused where I was at and then I could run back and shut the feed area gate. Four tries later, they still beat me back to the feed area before I could get that gate shut.

Extremely aggravated, I informed my girls that I could wait them out, I was going to water next. There was a lot of pens that needed fresh water and I’m sure they would forget about beating me to the feed area by then.

So, I went around dumping buckets and tubs, keeping an eye out to where the girls were. So help me, I think they assigned look outs to keep tabs on my where abouts. When I thought they had forgotten the feed area and I stealthily tippy toed back to the barn, there would be a kid on guard yelling, “She’s here! She’s here!” And, the whole mob would get there before I barely made it back inside the barn.

I even sat out an unusual tub of hay between their run-in shed and the feed area to distract them. That didn’t work. They all tried jumping into the tub, smashing my favorite hauling tub. I guess if you don’t have a bucket to jump in, you jump in the tub, was their reasoning, and then they charged to the feed area before I could even reach the gate to shut it.

I saw it then. They were on total alert. To them, the game was afoot. It had gone past getting a bite of grain, to “We can beat Connie at this game. This is extreme fun! We are outthinking Connie!”

Sure they were, the little goobers, they also weren’t getting any grain. But, I was determined. They couldn’t outsmart me, at least not today because I was determined. The game really was afoot! Dab nab it. Sorry for the strong language, but they were getting to me.

I hauled the long water hose into their pen, dumped their tubs and started filling them up, humming all unconcerned. They kept casting suspicious looks my way as they walked around. Finally the round bale inside their run-in shed called them and they wandered in to get a snack. I tried making a straight bee line to the gate to get it shut, those girls were out of that run-in shed like a shot. Someone must have been peeking out a crack and saw what I was about to do. Okay. Okay. I’ll just continue watering. I still had the pregnant girls to do and the bucks in the other pen, so I kept humming and watering, while craftily eyeing the girls and the distance to that feed gate.

I finished watering and was dragging the hose back to the barnyard to drain it so it wouldn’t freeze up in the night and then I saw it, no little girls in sight. Bam! I was out of there, in the barn, out the back door, and slammed that gate shut in at least 24 little faces who had charged around. Did it! A victory dance was called for. HA! Got you little girls! I’ll show you and feed you!

What can you say? You get a little bonkers on a goat farm. But, it’s always interesting when the game is afoot trying to outsmart a goat.

THE END


 

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