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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NO…
ZAPPED!
IT TOOK TWO

All I can say, at least it took two bottle babies to take me out. You should never under estimate the craftiness of a bottle baby. Years of bottle feeding should have taught me this, them with their big innocent eyes, and little cries of, “Me first! Me first!” It’s all so sweet looking, but it’s a ploy.

The beginning of kidding season, naturally during the first blast of artic fronts to hit the area, found us with the girls all nice and protected in their kidding stalls and one big doe losing weight before my eyes. Fast. I’d thought she was looking thinner a month earlier and had increased her grain, adding cracked corn to help her out, because she looked like she was carrying more than two kids. She and the rest could also have all the alfalfa/orchard grass hay they wanted, protein/molasses buckets were out for them, and a goat protein/mineral block was out for them to nibble on, too. Two to three weeks before she was due to kid, we gave all the girls their CD/T shot and wormed them. Yet, she couldn’t seem to hold her weight.

We put the bred girls in kidding stalls at 145 days and two days later, Sugar decided to kid. One kid had it’s head turned back and Lee got it straightened out, one came out backwards, and one slightly smaller one came out with a little help from Lee and poor Sugar was wiped out, she couldn’t get up, and she was just a rack of bones. The kids were large and they had taken everything from her. We keep a little pump bottle with dextrose and probiotics mixed together to give the new babies a little sugar hit to get them up and moving faster on cold winter kiddings. Sugar was so wiped out during the kidding, I offered her the mixture and she sucked it dry. Usually, though very good for a weak goat or sick goat, it gives them a lift to keep trying, they hate the taste. That big ol’ doe needed it to keep going on kidding.

It was 5 a.m. when she had her triplets and we left two with her for me to bottle feed because there was no way she could feed them. This was just to encourage her. She loves her babies, but she couldn’t get up, she was a rack of bones, and really, it didn’t look good for her. I gave her 10 cc of long lasting penicillin, 6 cc of Fortified B complex, and we gave her 15 cc of “Magic” (mix 1 cup of blackstrap molasses, 1 cup of Kayro syrup, ½ cup of corn oil, this will help feed a weak goat). Oh, she loved that Magic.

Sugar passed an afterbirth and at noon we gave her more Magic. At 2:30 p.m. Lee was working at the barn, blocking some drafts coming through the barn and he heard her grunting. He went and looked and a very large kid was coming out of our rack of bones doe. The doe was crying weakly and pathetically, but she got the kid out. It was a beautiful big girl. How on earth? Well, this was new to us, to have a doe kid at 5 a.m. and pass what we thought was all the afterbirth, and then kid a big kid out 9 ½ hrs. later, alive and very strong. She got another dose of Magic and I took the kid up to the house to be with her other sister.

It took two days of living on 4 feedings of 10-15 cc of Magic and a dose of probiotics to keep the rumen working before Sugar started nibbling on a little grain and hay. The penicillin and Fortified B shots were daily and would be until at least 5 days were up. She loved her Magic and we kept that up. She was still too weak to get up and Lee lifted her every day to stand a minute or two before she collapsed. On the fifth day she stood, weaving, and took a few steps to her hay.

Her two bottle kids that were with her happily shared their heat lamp with mom. And, now you wouldn’t recognize the doe. Oh, Sugar is still too skinny, but she has a spark to her eyes, she can walk, and she loves her two kids. When I come in with their bottles, she’s right there, cleaning their behinds as they eat their milk, and also very carefully checking the bottles to make sure the milk has been warmed to the proper temperature for her little darlings.

The big red buck and the little correct color doe think mom fusses too much, but, oh how they love their bottle. I come into the stall carrying my sitting bucket and my small lunch bag cooler that I carry their bottles in, and they are all over my legs, bouncing, begging to be fed immediately.

Now, usually they ignore my sitting bucket as I set it down to have a place to rest as I train them to take a bottle on their own, and, no, they don’t need to be in my lap to take a bottle. This morning I sat the bucket down the same as usual and started to sit and quicker than you could say, “What on earth?!” Those two little dickens hit that bucket hard, just as I was about to sit and knocked it across the stall.

Thump. I landed hard. Which wouldn’t have been a bad thing, except my “new” knee (remember the knee replacement this summer?) was completely folded under me and I landed on it. It hasn’t bent like that in years, and especially not after the knee replacement. I was given strict orders to not do deep knee bends, not get down on my knee, if I expected it to stay good and last any time.

The shock, pain, of it all took my breath and I hurried and moved my leg straight out as I sat on the stall floor. Two happy little kids were jumping all over me. I couldn’t use the new knee to get up, my old knee was in bad shape, and I was no where near somewhere I could pull myself up. Lee was outside somewhere, so that was good. I took out the two bottles and started feeding the kids and also started hollering at the top of my lungs, “LEE! LEE!” Now, you would have thought that would have scared all the goats in the barn, my bellowing. But, they were use to me singing at the barn, so they just thought I was trying out a new tune.

Unconcerned, the kids kept sucking their bottle, their mom stood there over me, contentedly chewing her cud, the other does in their kidding stalls ate their hay, their kids snoozing, while I continued cutting quite a ruckus.

A few minutes of this went by and the barn door flew open. I heard Lee shout, “What?! Where are you?” He’s use to seeing my head bee bopping above the stall partitions. I told him I needed help to get up. That was one shocked fellow. He swooped down and lifted me to my feet before I had a chance to grab hold of a wall partition to help drag myself up, and I’m no light weight. He made sure I could hobble around all right, and we both went back to our chores. Such is the day in the life of a goat farmer.

One thing I’ve learned, no more lazily lounging around on my sitting bucket when dealing with bottle kids. I’m at attention and ready for action for the next attack. Knocked off my feet I’m not a bit of good. Well, at least the kids thought I was tremendous fun feeding them down there and able to bounce all over me. But, if I’m expected to do more work than that, I’d better stay on my feet.

I console myself that it did take two of them to take me down. I’d been terribly mortified if only one bottle kid could do it.

THE END


 

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