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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NO…
ZAPPED!
autumnfarmsboers.com
Connie Reynolds
Autumn Farm
Ravenswood, WV

S-T-R-E-S-S
by
Connie S. Reynolds

Stressed-out may be a better word then just stress. This is what momma goats and owners are whenever new little ones are on the place. Take for instance the other day. Lee and I decided that since it had warmed up to a nice 25 degrees F and the does and kids had been in their kidding pens for two weeks because of bad weather, it was time to move them out into the general population.

We thought we’d take one group at a time to lower stress levels for all concerned. We’d calmly and sanely put out 23 kids and their mothers, all in a nice orderly manner. First, we’d be even more organized and fix up a creep feed and lounging area for the kids, complete with heat lamps and a pallet to play on. It would be the envy of all kids everywhere. We figured it would take us about a half-hour to do this.

Four hours later we were finished. We started letting the mothers and kids out of their kidding pens into the main barn. Instead of moving quietly and in an orderly fashion, we found that the kids did not want to leave. All those days of pushing kids back so they would not escape were forgotten. Now that we wanted them to escape, they knew we were up to something.

Of course, mom was eager to leave. She had been pestered for two weeks by kids wanting to nurse all the time or bounce off of her in their play. Mom shot out of there like her tail was on fire and as soon as getting out it occurred to her she was missing something. It was babies. The scream went out for her babies. Naturally, it never occurred to her to come back to the spot she had just left to look for her babies. She just kept traveling on screaming for babies.

We just sighed and peeled the kids off the wall of their kidding pen and set them outside for mom to pick up on her way flying by looking for babies. The next pen down the aisle was the same way. Mom shoots out of her pen like her tail is on fire, babies hug the wall and don’t want to leave. Finally, we have all 23 kids and their mothers out in the main barn. Kids are screaming like something is killing them. Moms are screaming frantically for their kids because they believe something is killing the kids, too. Kids hear their moms yelling to the left of them. Naturally the kids run to the right to find them.

It suddenly occurs to all moms present that most the kids look alike. They have red heads, white bodies. A few are different colored. They can’t tell their kids apart! Whose idea was this anyway? It must be those HUMANS again, always coming up with IDEAS.

The only way they can tell their kids apart is to sniff the kids’ rumps. Now, I’m a bit unsure about this myself. Why is it they can only tell which is their kid by smelling its rump? Do kids let off a continuous gas that we, as humans, are unaware of? Our noses are not fine-tuned enough to catch this? This sounds like a blessing in disguise for us.

So, what we have going on now is does screaming and running with their heads lowered like old hound dogs, trying to catch up with running kids to smell their rumps. Kids are putting it into overdrive after looking back and seeing a bunch of big mommas chasing them, trying to get to their tails.

Two does run by chasing one kid, screaming, "Son, son, come back, son!" And, this kid doesn’t belong to either one of them. One kid spots me and runs over and collapses at my feet to take a quick nap by something he recognizes. He would know those big feet anywhere, but not his own mother.

One doe stops a minute to take a breather and before she knows it, six kids zero in on her to nurse. She leaps into the air, shouting, "Heavens to Betsy," and starts butting kids away. First, she can’t catch them. Now they are all over her.

Finally mothers and kids start coming together. A few kids are still trying to nurse on anything with an udder. After all, they all look basically alike. They are having to learn the hard way that this is not acceptable.

The barn has settled down to a dull roar and it occurs us that we haven’t introduced the kids to their new creep and lounging area. Now we go on the prowl and start picking up kids and depositing them in their new area. There are plenty of ways to escape, but the kids stand there and scream, "They have kidnapped us and put us in another country!" Mothers looking over the barricade, to keep them out of the creep and lounging area, start screaming too, "Our kids are kidnapped and in another country!"

One small mother discovers she can fit through a hole meant for a kid and gets into the creep and lounging area. She ignores her own kids and starts wolfing down all the goodies put out for the kids. We get her out and ponder over how to fix that hole, yet let kids in. We get it fixed and she finds another hole she can squirt through. We get her out again and fix that hole.

The kids mill around in their creep and lounging area for a while, blind to all the ways of escape for them, screaming at the top of their lungs. Moms are screaming at the top of their lungs for their kidnapped kids, while watching them mill around. Finally, the kids realize they can escape. They all charge out.

The moms start thumping kids, shouting, "Who are these strange kids? These can’t be ours, all of our kids have been kidnapped." Another ten minutes of running around, screaming for kids and moms, and the herd settles down to a peaceful dull roar again. We decide to leave well enough alone and go back to the house.

Lee said, "I thought that went rather well."

"Oh, yes," I agreed. "Much better then last year. I only feel one ulcer coming on this time."

THE END

 

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