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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEARíS RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NOÖ
ZAPPED!
ARTFUL DODGER AND OTHER SCOUNDRELS

Every year it always amazes me that I have to nip in the bud a bit of delinquency in my baby goats and yearlings. Iíve got the adult goats trained to be mainly law abiding citizens of the farm, but those youngsters, itís an ongoing process. Many of the youngsters are heavily into breaking and entering, pick pocketing, vandalizing, and a bit of pounding on your body if they really like you.

Itís hard to decide if this is all feeling good and just high jinx on their part, or if I am breeding a bunch of scoundrels. Take for instance a couple of days ago, I had walked through the yearling field to go and check on the older does in the next field. The gate between the two is a lovely pipe gate latched with a hook chain catch and another chain attached to the gate and hooked over a large bent nail in the post.

Coming back through, naturally all the yearling girls were waiting for me. As I put the second latch chain over the big bent nail, Rainy Dancer very carefully watched how I did it and then grabbed the end of the chain and with a quick flip had it off the nail before I knew what happened. It was just down right impressive. She learned so quickly by watching me, and was so agile in doing that with her mouth.

You know, people think the monkey is so intelligent because he has thumbs, they just never have tested baby goats. The little split in their lip makes them extremely impressive in what they can achieve. Iíve tied up feeders, using quadruple knots, and by the time I came back with more hay rope, only gone minutes, the baby goats would have it all untied, and have the feeder on the ground standing in it.

Tie up cattle panels to T posts and theyíll have it all untied and down on the ground before you know it. No, not chewed in two, but carefully untied. Sure, the hay string is a bit soggy, but itís all carefully untied. The only way to keep panels up is to tie so many hay strings on it that they eventually get bored and walk away. You still might have a string or two left holding it all together.

Now, sometimes they do get plain olí bored and will just stand there and actually chew on string, making it a wet frayed mess, but usually, everything is neatly untied. In many of our stalls, we have a string that hangs from the overhead light that you just pull to turn the light on. Itís not a long string, just right for me to reach, but after the young goats watch me come in and turn on the lights that way, they learn. Standing on tippy toes on their hind legs, theyíll mightily stretch, grab the string in their mouths and just happily turn the lights on and off. I looked down one evening and I thought a psychedelic light show was going on in the barn with as many lights that were going on and off.

Thereís always a bunch of pick pockets in the group. Those happy little kids that jump up on you to say Hi, and then look lovingly in your face and as soon as you look away, their little noses are in your coat pockets pulling everything out. Iíve found my gloves, Kleenex, various medicines I carry for the goats, flashlights, even walkie talkies strewn all over the place. Some kids are subtle about picking your pockets, others jump up and put their front feet in your pockets and youíll be dragging two or three kids on each side trying to walk. Needless to say, I have a lot of ripped coat pockets.

And, then jumping and pounding on you is a favorite with friendly delinquent kids. I donít know how many times I have bent over to pick up a water bucket and have kids attack me from behind. Taking a running go and jumping up with their front feet and pushing. Iíve ended doing impressive flips or diving head first into the wall.

Vandalizing is a favorite with these ornery kids. Take last night, we weaned two little buck boys, putting them in a large stall. Oh, it broke their hearts. They stood and cried and cried, and then cried some more with mouthfuls of grain and hay. At eleven oíclock last night they were still hollering and bouncing off their stall door. And, then it got quiet. I thought, they have finally accepted their fate and had given up.

At five twenty this morning, Lee walked into the barn first and turned on the lights and there to greet him were two happy buck boys. The barnís aisle way was a total wreck. They had knocked over anything that would knock over, tore up all the hay and spread it all over the aisle way, whatever they could get into, they did. No wonder they had shut up last night, they were having a ball. They had bounced off their stall door so much that the latch came undone and the door had opened for vandalizing freedom for the little scoundrels.

Fortunately, as my baby and juvenile delinquents get older, Iíve worked enough with them and know their scoundrel ways, they just settle down. They become wonderful law abiding goats. Now, temptation does become too strong if we forget and leave a gate open, then they just have to go there and snoop. Or, if you are silly enough to carry a feed bucket into a big herd of does, they just have to mug you for that bucket. In situations like that, always remember to throw the bucket in the air and run and let them go for the bucket. Then, for goodness sakes, donít go tempting them again by carrying a grain bucket in among them.

Oh, wait a minute. Those little buck boys are quiet again. You know what happened when they got quiet like that last time. Gotta go and see what they are doing. And, remember, donít give up on those little scoundrels, eventually theyíll become law abiding citizens.

THE END


 

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