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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEARíS RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NOÖ
ZAPPED!
GNAWED or BASICALLY CHEWED ON

Just a warning for all the new goat farmers out there, expect to be gnawed or chewed on by baby goats who love you. Or, by the less friendly ones who are merely curious as to how you taste. This all comes with goat farming and itís not a new thing. Itís just like human toddlers who go through a period where they have to stick everything in their mouths.

For example, as a toddler mom once found me sitting on the sidewalk happily chewing. Greatly disturbed by this, she stuck her finger in my mouth and got out part of a bug that had the misfortune to cross my path. Needless to say, I was banned from the sidewalk for a while. But, I found a true friend in my grandfather who would sometimes baby sit me. He would sit down and I would crawl over to his feet and sit down and when he took out his chewing tobacco, he always gave me a little chaw too. This kept me quiet and happy and we both had a peaceful time when he baby sat. Once again, mom got concerned with the brown stuff flowing from my mouth and down my front, and cleaned my mouth out, giving granddad dark looks. I donít think he got to baby sit me much after mom found out how he was willing to share his chewing tobacco.

So does the baby goat like to gnaw and chew on things, including you. Youíll see them chewing on any hay rope hanging around, or anything else that might fit into their little mouths, such as electrical wiring on the barn, lawn mower, tractor or farm truck. Theyíll have this happy dreamy look to their eyes as they blissfully chew. Well, no one has invented a baby goat pacifier for them yet, so they have to come up with one of their own.

Last week a nice young couple dropped by our place to pick out a buck for their herd. I noticed something odd about the wifeís hair style when she got out of the car, and it quickly came to me what it looked like. She confirmed my theory later when she said she had been sitting with her baby goats the night before and felt them nibbling on her hair. She said she didnít think anything of it until she got into the shower later and a lot of hair fell out.

And, thatís what her hair looked like, unevenly layered gnawed on hair. But, it didnít phase her. She was a goat farmer and thatís just what happens when you let baby goats gnaw on your hair. Well, I was impressed that they gnawed. Mine like to get a mouth full and then pull with all their might. No gnawing there, itís straight to be being scalped by method of chunks being pulled directly out. But, thatís another story.

All of my barn shirts have either gnawed holes all around the bottom or hoof prints from kids jumping on me after running through mud and poo. The prints have not responded well to any cleaning liquids and stay there wash after wash and the chewed up bottoms, what can you say? No way of sewing up those holes with the thorough way babies can gnaw right through any material. Iíve just made it a point to have a couple of going-to-town shirts saved back to wear and to make sure they are never worn near the kids.

I donít know how many times Iíve stood down at the barn, talking to customers, not really noticing the baby goats standing all around us. Iíd look down and find three or four with the bottom of my shirt waded up in their mouths, happily chewing away, with that wonderful dreamy look to their eyes. How can you get mad at anything as cute as that? Iíd carefully get my shirt out of their mouths, pat them on the head, and walk out of the barnyard with a soggy bottomed holey shirt, but some very happy babies that were glad Iíd come to visit.

Iím not sure how the customers felt finding their own shirt tails in such a mess, but no one ever complained. I do try to protect the customersí clothing as much as possible. Iíve accepted my fate as a goat farmer who loves friendly goats, theyíve just got to decide if thatís what they wanted in their goat farming lives.

Yesterday I was in the weanlingís pen opening up the side door to their run-in shed so sunlight and air flow could get into the corners of their large shed. While rolling the large post away from the double doors to open them, several babies leapt on the large pole, thinking what fun and they could also reach my shirt tail better. One lost her balance, fell off on her back and very awkwardly was trying to roll over to get up.

Unfortunately, ten more babies were trying to get on the rolling post, standing over her so she couldnít get off her back. I saw her predicament and there was no fear in her innocent little eyes. But, I hurriedly bent down, scooping babies out of the way to help her back on her feet. She wasnít even crying for help because she knew I was there and being an ex-bottle baby, totally trusted Iíd know what to do.

Such a sweet little thing, as I was bent down, helping her to her feet, five more kids saw me with my head down and forgot all about chewing on the shirt tail. They had discovered a new game, Letís All Jump on Connieís Head game. Several more joyfully joined in to play. Well, at least they forgot about my shirt for a while. This fascination now of my head when it is bent down to work on something, to fly through the air and land on it, Iím not sure if that is a permanent kid game as gnawing on the shirt tail is, but time will tell. At least mud and poo can be washed out of hair a lot easier than out of a shirt.

Well, time to go out and do chores. The weanlings call it play time with the goat farmer, but we serious goat farmers with our gnawed on stained shirts and hair, call it chores to get more respect from other people who work regular jobs.

THE END


 

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