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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEARíS RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NOÖ
ZAPPED!
autumnfarmsboers.com
Connie Reynolds
Autumn Farm
Ravenswood, WV

Editor's Note: I hope that this lighthearted article about a serious subject serves as a wake up call to all of us who spend time outside working with livestock, gardening, recreation, or just relaxing.
SUNSHINE BOO-BOOíS
by
Connie S. Reynolds

Years ago when I was still concerned with what my hair looked like, I refused to wear hats. So what? Now, think about this for a minute. If you are a farmer, or at least breed some type of livestock, what are you out in a lot? No, not manure. Thatís not what Iím going for, itís sunshine. And, what can sunshine do to unprotected skin? Thatís right, burn. Constant burning year after year leads to? Yep, badly sun damaged skin. This can lead to what? Tons of wrinkles and possibly, hereís the scary part, skin cancer.

Over the last several years Iíve been having bits and pieces of my face removed. Not that Iím going for a new look, or was a Punker before being a Punker was cool, itís because I have a badly sun damaged face with suspicious "places", as the doctor says. And, it all started when I was younger and I absolutely refused to wear a hat because it would muss up my hair.

Now I raise goats. Come on, folks, how vain can you be when you raise goats? I donít worry about my hair. When I wake up in the morning, thatís the new "do" for the day. And, if I comb it, well thereís another whole new look. Because usually, I am outside with the goats all day, or doing something goaty, like cleaning stalls, kidding, hauling hay, making hay, etc.

This last bout of removing part of the face was on Valentineís Day. I was to be in the outpatient ward by 6:15 a.m. Lee and I got up at 4 a.m. to get the morning chores done, plus bottle feed 10 kids, and get to the hospital on time. Talk about being tired.

We got at the hospital and they immediately took me back to get "prepared". Almost at once the nurse had problems with me. "Remove all your clothes," she said.

I said, "What?! To get a thingy cut off my face? Itís not down on my body. Itís on my face."

"Remove your clothes and put this on. It ties in the back." She said sternly.

She hands me this threadbare gown. I growl and start taking off my clothes. She ignores me and walks off. "If I had known I had to take my jeans off I would have shaved my legs. Itís all on your head now," I grumbled at the departing back.

I get "dressed" and crawl into bed. Lee hunts up a very thin blanket to keep me warm. You ever notice how cold they keep rooms where the patients are in threadbare gowns and see-through blankets? Lee draped my coat over my shivering form. The nurse comes in and takes that and my clothes away. I think she was suspicious Iíd at least slip my jeans back on before going to the operating room.

I lay there and wait, and wait, and wait. Finally, Iím dozing off. Lee has already dozed off in his little chair with his head being supported by the wall TV control. A nurse bustles in with her thermometer and blood pressure cup. Sheís pleased with my temperature and comments on my blood pressure. "112 over 68. My, you are relaxed." A slight snore almost escapes from my lips. Try getting up at 4 a.m. and see how relaxed youíll get later.

"Well, itís time to move you down to get you prepared. The doctors come in at 7:30 a.m."

I am taken away from a now awakened Lee and moved to another room with even more people in little curtain stalls. They park me in a corner and leave. I wait and try to fight dozing off. At 8:30 a.m. a nurse comes and gets me for the operating room.

When we get there, I realize something awful. Iíve got to go to the bathroom! Right now! I tell the nurse and look frantically around for a bathroom sign.

"Thereís no bathrooms near the surgery. Come on. You can hold it for fifteen minutes, canít you?" The helpful nurse says.

I agree to be a brave little soldier. So, she immediately splashes me with colder then the North Pole betadine on my face. Then slaps a freezer cold jel pack on my left leg. She explains this is a "ground" of some type in case they get a bleeder and have to cauterize my face. Great. Iím going to end up drowning in my own juices, from either end. Then the doctor comes in and says he is going to numb my face and it will "sting" a "little". Personally, it felt like he was trying to nail my face to the bed. I bravely stifled my protests to a mild high whine that could have broke windows two blocks away.

Forty-five minutes later the surgeon is through. The nurse explains to me how to put on make-up around the stitches if I want to get dressed up. I interrupt and tell her my idea of "dressing up" is clean jeans and a clean sweatshirt. That ends that discussion and Iím out of there. I wave good-bye to the surgery crew and urge the nurse onto faster speeds with my bed. A bathroom has to be near-by, somewhere.

She parks me in "recovery" and another nurse appears all cheerful wanting to take my blood pressure. "Iíve got to go to the bathroom," I croak out.

"Oh, come on," she says cheerfully. "You can wait a few minutes until I can get your blood pressure."

I could see she wasnít going to let me go until she had her way. I tightened down the hatch, clenched my teeth, and offered my arm.

"Heavens, you are 130 over 90. Thatís a tad high," she says with great concern.

"Iíve got to go to the bathroom," I croaked out again. "I came in this morning with 112 over 68. Let me go to the bathroom."

"Well, maybe weíd better let you go to the bathroom," she says brightly. "And, Iíll take your pressure afterwards."

I leaped out of bed and start burning rubber to the bathroom I had spotted down the hall. "Donít forget to hold the back of the gown closed," she calls after me.

Who cares.

A few minutes later I walk back to my bed a new person. People from the many parked beds are watching with interest, but this time I had hold of the back of the gown. The nurse letís me go home after I sign the release papers and the surgeon says he is pleased that the area is "contained" that he cut out.

What do I do now about future sun damage? Iíve been studying and experimenting with this over the years. You can use that super greasy sunscreen that will let you slid through any crack. Try to climb up on the tractor seat, sit down, and you almost slide back off.

Now, thereís the water-based sunscreen, not greasy, but if you start sweating, watch out for your eyes. That stuff smarts and youíll find yourself staggering around trying to see out of badly watering eyes.

So, Iíve studied other people and how they handle the sun. One farmer had a great idea in that he took his kids old plastic swimming pool and somehow strung it up over his roll bar on his tractor. Itís cheap, effective, and quite an unusual sight. Since he wasnít concerned about looks, I had to assume he raised goats, too.

So, this year, following that farmerís line of thought, Iím going to hunt up the biggest sombrero I can find. Big enough to shade all of me and two or three goats looking for shade. The only thing Iíll have to worry about then is a strong wind that might float me off our hill farm.

THE END

 

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