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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NO…
ZAPPED!
PRESENTS GLORIOUS PRESENTS

Christmas is upon us. The goats are listening to me belt out “Drummer Boy”, “Away In The Manger”, “O’ Little Town of Bethlehem”, “Ring Silver Bells”, and many more Christmas songs while I am doing my chores. I adore Christmas, all the colors and Christmas music in the stores. I get into the Christmas spirit the first week of Thanksgiving and on towards Christmas. Oh, I’m chomping at the bit the first day of November, but I really get into the swing of things by the beginning of the week going into Thanksgiving.

You’d think I’d have our house and barns totally decorated with lights and wreaths and Christmas trees, but who has time for that? I’m a goat farmer with a boat load of goats on the place that need cared for during this cold time. I’m quite thrilled to simply go down to the basement and get our two little Christmas trees, about 2 ½ foot tall, already decorated with a large garbage bag over each. Whip those bags off, set those trees up in the living room and we are in business for Christmas. Plus, to feel even more like Christmas, I like sending out donations for all those wonderful organizations that help people at Christmas, like our church, Salvation Army and several others.

And then the presents. Oh my gosh, don’t you love the presents?! You want to squeeze them, rub your hands over them, hug them, feed them. What? Oh, you thought I meant those wrapped presents under the Christmas tree. No, no, my presents are those wonderful pregnant girls that are going to kid in January and February. They are my slightly late Christmas presents.

Use to we’d kid the first week of January, but now I have to wait for those wonderful presents because the 4-H children started complaining that a kid born the first week of January would, in six months, usually weighed at least 110 pounds and those judges didn’t like that. They wanted 80-90 pound kids. So the 4-H children asked for middle of Jan. to middle of Feb. kids and some were even thinking of March kids! How could I take waiting to see my present in the middle of March?!

We only bred around 25 girls this winter, instead of the usual over 50,simply because it’s a lot of work taking care of all those presents! Winter time, heat lamps, individual stalls when the girls hit 145 days in their pregnancy, with individual feeders, water buckets, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. For me, it’s less trouble this way seeing which ones are kidding, knowing another doe won’t be trying to take the babies or stomp the babies or stomp the mother while she is trying to kid. The mother will bond with the right kids and the kids with the right mom and you can spot in a minute if there are any problems when they are in individual stalls. And, when a 30 degree sunny day happens and the kids are at least two weeks old, you can put the family out into the run-in shed with the other little families, with areas for the babies with a heat lamp or two and dog houses in the run-in shed and you’d be surprised how well the kids take the winter. But, if you run into any problems, you can always put the little family back in the barn for a while longer.

Watching all those glorious wonderful presents walking around now and have Christmas on top of it, well, it’s just grand. Sure it’s cold out, warming up to 12 degrees and still snowing at times, but it’s a wonderful time. Some of my pregnant girls love all the special attention they get the last two months of their pregnancy, and they will stand around and go, “Here comes, Connie, I bet she pets me first. I’m her favorite, don’t you know.”

Some of my girls are slightly wildish and soon as they see me, and I don’t have a grain bucket in my hand, they hurriedly waddle off to hide behind a round bale. Looking quite grumpy, they will peek around the bale and say, “I bet she’s wanting to pet me again. I can’t believe the nerve of her.”

Another thing that is so neat about these walking presents is that I didn’t have to wrap them. I’m a terrible present wrapper. It looks like someone who has lost their glasses has wrapped my presents I give to people, which is what happens sometimes. Here, out at the barn, I have all these presents already neatly wrapped. They may be a bit messier when they open up and come out, but at least they are all neatly wrapped now and looking fantastic.

You also get this extra benefit of seeing the presents change, almost before your eyes. The girls are starting to make little udders now. So cute. I don’t know about the rest of you, but it’s also a relief. Then I know they are bred. I know, I know, they have these developing big bellies, but to tell the truth, I have unbred girls in the other herd who have bellies just as big if not bigger because they get free choice hay from the round bales. But, usually the udder tells the truth if they are bred. Though one year I had an old girl kid one kid and come into her milk a week later! Taught me to always be prepared at kidding season to have packaged colostrum on hand and whole cow’s milk and bottles and nipples. Usually though, you get an udder and then you know you have a bred girl, or a nice present in my case.

Oh, got to get back outside. I see one of my presents I forgot to hug this morning. And, I’d better make sure all the ice is out of their tubs. I’m in the mood to sing “Ring Silver Bells” this morning. Oh, I don’t know all the words, but I’m great at going “ta ta ta” in place of words. Have a Merry Christmas everyone!

THE END


 

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