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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NO…
ZAPPED!
AND THEN IT GOT COLD

Winter has hit hard and fast. Most years in our area winter sort of eases you into the cold times, teases you along with 30 degrees Faranheit , then 45 degrees, then back to 30, all in the month of December. Then, wham! the second week in January winter starts getting serious all the way through Feb. and first part of March with artic cold fronts and below zero temperatures for days and weeks at a time.

December first of this year started with 30 degrees and then suddenly dropped to 12 degrees with wind chills of zero and below and it’s stayed there. It’s pretty pathetic when you think 20 degrees is a warm day and oh my, if you get sunshine with that, where’s the shorts and the suntan oil?

I realized that first day of 12 degrees with windchill of zero, that things were a bit different. I took a brand new 100 foot hose out of the cellar house and loosened it’s coils a bit, hooked it to the outside spigot, grabbed the other end to go and put fresh water in some of the goats’ tubs and buckets. I took off and it broke in all of it’s coils, barely hanging together with a thread. We buy the water hoses that do not kink and this thing was so cold it kinked and broke in each kink. Now, that’s a windchill.

The bucks were walking around with ice scicles hanging down from their sheaths where they had urinated and that last dab to come out had frozen. They were saying, “What on earth?! This doesn’t happen until the middle of January!” I was concerned for the bucks’ tongues that were constantly sticking out and flapping as they looked at all the beautiful does on the place, just on the other side of the fence. I was afraid a buck would get too close to the woven wire and get his tongue stuck on the fence. He would either jerk backward, hurting his tongue or stand there and wait for me to do something. I could see it now, Gideon standing there with tongue stuck to the wire going, “Uee uh. El e!” Translation: “Hurry up! Help me!”

And, the water in the tubs and buckets seemed to freeze instantly. You put it in and it’s already starting to freeze. A few minutes later the goats come up for a drink and almost shout, “What! You expect us to drink this? It’s hard as a rock! What kind of joint are you running around here!” I’d see their predicament and, with a subservient attitude, would be scurrying up to their tubs with a shovel, pounding away, scooping out big chunks of ice, saying, “Sorry, girls, sorry. There you go.” The girls are standing in line, diving in for the first drink, muttering to each other, “Can you believe this? Can you believe the slow service around here?”

Then, when I have a few minutes for myself to thaw out before going back outside, I see on the goat lists, “Oh, dahlings, I won’t let my goats drink cold water in the winter. It’s not good for them, don’t you know.” And, how many goats do you have? “Oh, I have three.” What, I squawk to myself. Let’s see you try that with 100-160 goats!

Then others say, “Oh, people, the only way to go is with heated lines or put a heated float in the tub.” Okay, with as many goats as we have in different pens, that’s a lot of lines and to put electric to all the floats we’d need, we just haven’t puzzled out how to run the electric lines safely so that a snoopy goat doesn’t give it a big bite to see what happens. It’s a mystery.

But, until we get figured out how to keep water thawed in the tubs and buckets, I guess I’m the running water on the place with my handy dandy hoses, rubber gloves to keep my hands dry, and my trusty shovel, so the goats get a good drink each day. And, for goodness sakes, don’t forget to drain the hoses! I toss one end of the hose over a convenient tree limb or any place higher than my head and pull the hose slowly over and do it twice. Then I have a hose that isn’t frozen the next day. Don’t forget to take that end piece off that turns the water off and on. Put it on each time you use the hose and take it off when finished with the hose. The turning off knob will probably be frozen the next time you use it, just dip it in the water of the first tub you are filling up and it will thaw out. And, if you don’t like that idea, well, stick that little turn off piece under your arm pit and thaw it out quick! Yes, I get a bit testy in the winter time.

This December, how I knew it was one of the colder ones, I think I frostbit my eyeballs. That was a first. I’m use to the idea of frozen feet, frozen hands, frozen face, but to come inside and have my eyeballs feel itchy and weird as they got warm. That is most definitely a first. I think they are okay now, but I don’t exactly know what to do to keep the eyeballs from getting frozen. Maybe those goggles that you see downhill skiers use? Which that particular title I’ve always wondered about, downhill skiers. In comparison to up hill skiing? Of course they are going down hill. How else could they ski? Okay, I just proved I get grumpy when cold, especially when my eyeballs get frozen.

Uh, oh, I’ve been inside too long. I see the girls lined up at the tubs, looking accusingly at the house. The water we broke out for them this morning has frozen. I’ll break it out and dump it and put in fresh so it will take an hour our two before it is froze again. Ooops, they saw my face at the window. They are verbally hollering and growling at me now. I can almost hear them say, “Just what kind of joint is this?! Where’s the service?! Did you see Connie at the window? She’s hiding in there, I just know it!” Don’t you just love winter?

THE END


 

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