I don't know what I am doing wrong. I find myself, once again, raising a bunch of juvenile delinquents. I try to teach them right from wrong, but at any moment I will find a little hoof in one of my pockets and a baby goat hanging on for dear life. I am going to be so humiliated when their little faces end up on posters at the post office, warning people to watch out for these kids.

They aren't a bit crafty about their thieving either. With great joy my two month old and three month old kids will leap on me, hook a hoof in my coat pocket, and let'er rip. They will rip that pocket right out and be thrilled at what falls out.

I stand there and say, “Babies, babies, don't do that.” And, they just don't listen. That ripping sound is so much fun. Which reminds me, I need to sew the back of my coat. I got a small rip in it from a cattle panel and the kids spotted it. Every time I stood still, there were kids leaping at my back, pawing that hole until they got a hoof in it and right now it's ripped straight across the back. I keep forgetting to sew it when I come in at night, but they don't forget. Because, with great joy they leap for it when I put that coat on and head out the next morning.

I have a few kids that are more subtle. I'll be standing there bottle feeding my bottle babies and a kid will walk by and say, “Why, hello. So, good to see you.” And, will then rear up on me and politely stick her nose in my coat pocket. While I am busy with the bottle babies, I don't notice the kid dragging everything out of my pocket and dropping it on the ground. The kids with her start rooting through the tissues, flash light, cough drops, walkie talkie, cell phone that have fallen to the ground.

Oh, no. I just realized that must be her gang. Now, it's expanded to gangs on our goat farm. I know if I carry a feed bucket out among the kids, gangs of kids will mug me for that bucket. I just didn't realize how far crime has gotten to on our farm. I wonder what my kid gangs call themselves? The Happy Hoofers? Your Pockets Are Ours? Pet Us Or Else? This is getting too serious.

I must give them a good talking to, let them know they are on the wrong goat path. Nothing good can come of this. That, their picture at the post office is not a good thing. But, you know kids, young and full of themselves. Maybe if I talk to their mommies. Well, that won't work. If my does could do it, they'd be sticking their hooves in my pocket too. Right now, they have to be content with sticking their noses in my pockets or mugging me for my feed bucket.

Oh my, I just never realized that crime is running rampant on our farm. How will I protect my goat customers and neighbors? I know. I will put up a warning sign. “CAUTION: Pick Pockets and Muggers in Pasture. DESCRIPTION: Anything With Four Legs and Baaaaaas. Don't Fall For Their Cute Little Faces. RUN!”