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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NO…
ZAPPED!
WAS THAT THE WIND?

Have you ever noticed when odd things happen, you tend to blame the weather? I’ve gone down to the kids’ large run-in shed and find all the doors, connecting gates blown open, and large plastic dog houses taken apart and strewn all over the place.

I’d tell Lee that a mighty wind must have blown through to cause so much havoc and then my herd of young kids would come charging into the shed, leap against gates and doors in extreme happiness, bounce off and inside the big plastic dog houses and soon everything was blown every which way by all of their energy. So, you go back and very carefully latch everything and tie everything to withstand mini tornadoes called happy kids.

Yesterday it was time to put some of the does in with the bucks and I thought the same thing was happening, the weather was playing tricks on me. We’d put around 90 does in a small pen to sort through and move out does through different gates to go to their bucks. The does weren’t thrilled with this. They thought we were up to no good, such as wormings or delousings or worse, thrown into a pen with a rude buck waiting to throw blubbery raspberries in their faces. After all, it was close to 90 degrees and the sun was beating down on them and who was in the mood for that?

In spite of their disapproval of the whole idea, things went rather smoothly. Even the bucks were politer than usual. The sun and the heat caused the bucks to walk up to each doe pushed into his pen and instead of yodeling, “I am Buck, hear me roar!” They all basically did a mild raspberry with their lips, didn’t even stomp the ground with a front foot, and then walked back to the shade. Basically they were saying to the does, I’ll get back with you later.

Over the years of selling bucks, I’ve had calls from newcomers to the goat breeding world accusing me of selling them a dud, not taking into consideration how hot the day was and some that were youngsters, even on a cool day, would be overwhelmed by the whole idea, and would nervously back off from aggressive does, even screaming for help when older does in heat started chasing the young guy. Basically, I advised them to wait and see. And, it’s always worked out.

So, here we go, with sun, temperature hitting ninety in early morning, and us trying to move the does into the buck pens. Most our girls are pretty easy going, not bad to catch, but you always have a few who are rebels without a cause. Hope Lane was just such a girl. Big, beautiful purebred adult doe. She was hitting close to 175-200 lbs., just gorgeous. She was going to produce some fantastic 4-H projects.

She also proved to be smarter than us in escaping every trick that was successful on catching the other does. She must have been watching and learning. She finally accidentally got into a bunch of does in the corner of the pen and I was at the gate she was suppose to be at so she was standing several feet behind me. Lee moved in on her and the other girls tripped her up because they were unconcerned about this, but she still took off at a dead run as Lee grabbed her collar. She was the only girl in the herd with a collar. All our girls are dehorned and any that are difficult to catch get a collar for easier catching.

His lunge and catching hold of the collar as she was on the run just gave a lot more speed to his steps. So there I innocently stood, my back to all the excitement, the innocent gate opener, when I heard thunderous hooves and big manly speedy steps behind me. With a loud “Swish”, Lee and Hope Lane shot by me, missing me by half inches. The wind from their powerful run even stirred my hair, that’s why I thought for sure a wind storm had just kicked up. How on earth a fellow of manly mature years was able to run with that big strong doe, well, I don’t know, but it was just down right impressive.

A problem I did spot after I realized it wasn’t the wind blowing past me, was that Hope Lane’s collar looked decidedly loose, but as long as she kept running forwards, it should stay put. I hollered to Lee what I saw and he shouted back that that was why he had been able to catch her was that loose collar.

And, just as he said that, she stopped dead and put it in reverse, all at super speed. She slid out of that collar slicker than a greased pig out of a large hole. That will teach me to talk so much to my goats that they learn English. She knew exactly what we were saying.

What a let down! We had her and now she was gone. The buck who had been standing near the gate, waiting for this new addition to his harem, just unconcernedly sauntered off, saying “Win some, lose some, where’s the shade?”

Oh, eventually we caught her, even collarless. We both kept our mouths shut so she wouldn’t know of our plans and we tricked her. As we shoved her through the gate into the buck’s pen, he stood back in the shade and threw small raspberry kisses her way to give her a welcome and seeing no more girls heading through his gate, he decided a nap was in order.

As for all the wind I think is blowing on our place, the last mighty blast was called Hope Lane and Lee. Glad I survived it.

THE END


 

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