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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEARíS RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NOÖ
ZAPPED!
MUTTER MUTTER

There are some days that goat farmers have that they just have to endure. Itís what I call those muttering days. Itís days that are just plain irritating. Things happen thatís not enough to blow a gasket over, but enough to cause you to do a whole lot of muttering under your breath. The goats get muttered at, your poor spouse gets muttered at, telemarketers really get muttered at, itís such an aggravating day you even mutter at yourself. Now, thatís bad.

Itís those days where you have put away things to be used later on, and you just canít find them. Iíve lost new syringes, new box of needles, wormer, my walkie talkie, my cell phone, my truck keys, eighty goats, bags of produce (which a couple of hot days later were found behind the truck seat), and a variety of other things that I have put in a ďsafeĒ place that still canít be found.

And, if itís not a day of losing things, then itís a day of breaking things. Somehow, while in town, I broke the truck. It would only drive backwards. I sit and puzzled over that one a good while and finally drove backwards to my mom & dadís house in town, but thought Iíd better not try that trick on a main route to get back to the farm. I could see myself going backwards on 68 north and have people drive up behind me, facing me, startled to find the truck ahead of them with the driver looking them full in the face, waving hello.

Fortunately, Lee was able to get off work and get the truck to the farm, somehow got it to driving forwards, and then found out how to fix it from a mechanic on You Tube who had had the same problem and videoed exactly what he did to fix it. Iím so thankful for those who like to share on how to repair things.

You can also go through a spell where the electric fence is constantly being broken by the deer or wild turkeys, or a goat who thinks she can surely leap high to get over into the next field. You find yourself everyday repairing the electric fence, muttering the whole time. Or, how about you build this wonderful woven wire fence only to find it totally stretched and warped out of shape from deer repeatedly jumping into it, not over it, but into it. Thatís a real mutterer.

Last Saturday, with all the rain weíve been having all summer, we decided to worm every goat on the place. We got the first group, around ninety adult does, into a pen where we could entice them into a run-in shed with grain and then shut the gate at the back of the run-in shed on twenty or so goats at a time. We would worm, delouse, and trim a few feet and then turn them out into another pen. We had our drinks and snacks and empty molasses tubs to sit on to rest because we knew this would take several hours. Weíre not spring chickens anymore, able to just fly through a chore like this. Plus, I have a rule that every goat we catch and worm, we baby and brag on her and tell her sheís wonderful and we are not to cowboy any of our goats around. No matter how much of a twerp some might be, they get treated like they are the next best thing since peanut butter. Oddly enough, it makes them so much easier to catch the next time you need to. But, you do have to have the patience of a saint at times.

This can be a real muttering job, even if you are prepared and have done this a hundred times. I had a large four foot tall plastic container that is used in the winter for kid goats to get in and stay warm. Small door openings at the bottom so only babies can get in, except this summer a very large weanling somehow spread one of those openings and got herself trapped inside. This was a ďFor ever moreĒ moment, something we say over and over when we are amazed at what goats can get into. The hole had to be made a little larger to get her out. Well, all my things I needed for worming, this time the ivomec injectable to be given orally, the Cylence for delousing, two syringes for drawing up the ivomec because ivomec tends to eat the markings off the syringes, a couple of permanent magic markers to mark each goat, Blu-Kote for any scratches or raw places, triple antibiotic ointment for any slightly runny eyes, all laid out like on a table, to be easily used.

Low and behold, one of the first things to happen was a full grown half Angora half Boer doe, finding herself trapped in the stall with us, dove through that too small of opening for one her size, and pretty much stood inside the plastic container going, ďNaa, naa, naa, naa, canít catch me.Ē She got the double treatment from us with our muttering plus saying, ďFor ever more,Ē several times. Finally, when all the ones in her group were done and turned out, she dove out the plastic container and we nabbed her. You just never know what a goat of yours will come up with next.

Several hours later, on the last batch of does in that group, Iíd lost one. I knew there was one more to go but where was she. I stood leaning on the plastic container looking around at the group of does in the stall with us and was totally perplexed. Lee said, ďLook behind you.Ē

There stood a wise olí doe, with her face pressed against the plastic container, trying her best to hide behind me and up against the plastic container, and it had worked, if Lee hadnít turned and saw her. You had to laugh. Clever olí thing. I reached down and caught her before she could whirl around and take off.

Both Lee and I had been doing a lot of muttering, getting stepped on, and run over by the girls, and me reminding him to pet and brag on them when we were through worming and delousing, which got me some muttering from him, but odd things happened the next day. The girls kept coming up to us for some petting. Mutter all you want, but taking the time to pet and brag on them while you are doctoring them does pay off.

THE END


 

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