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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEARíS RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NOÖ
ZAPPED!
autumnfarmsboers.com
Lee & Connie Reynolds
Autumn Farm
Ravenswood, WV

CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
Another in the "Nanny Berries" series By
Connie S. Reynolds

The day after getting in our first cutting hay I noticed that three fingers on my left hand had gone numb. I figured I had just lifted one bale too many. We had worked hard in getting all the hay baled and in the barn before the next thunderstorm. Lee had me tell my doctor when a month later it was no better and now all the fingers were numb off and on throughout the day.

The doctor set me up with an appointment for "tests" to see if I had carpal tunnel syndrome or a pinched nerve. The "tests" were another month away so I continued working in hay and taking care of the goats. Also found it quite handy to swat wasps with numb fingers.

Now to me the "tests" were probably just squeezing a rubber ball and telling the doctor if I felt strong about it or not. It never occurred to me to ask in detail what the "tests" would be.

"Test" day arrived and Lee was off and drove me to the doctorís. While sitting there happily reading fairly up to date magazines, a nurse came out helping a little old guy walk to his waiting wife. She informed the wife that the tests really hurt and he was still unsteady on his feet.

My ears stood up to points and my feet were already aimed towards the door when the nurse told me it was my turn. I looked at Lee.

"Youíre coming with me," I said.

He jumped up to go in with me and the nurse stopped him and said he couldnít come with me because, after all, these were "tests". I informed her he could come with me. She said he couldnít. I said he could, but Lee clenched it and went and sat down. She herded me up the hallway seeing as how I was ready to bolt. I continued arguing that Lee really could come with me. I didnít mind. Plus, I was thinking, if anyone hurt me heíd knock their block off. She must have read my mind.

She put me in a room with a stiff, hard, one fourth of a table with a sheet of paper on it and told me to take off my top and to put on this piece of paper and lie down. I questioned about taking off my top since the "tests" were only suppose to be from the elbow down to my hand. She gave me the "look" and I did as she said. I believe they make you undress this way to make you more submissive. Well, they had another thought coming if they thought Iíd be submissive.

I stared hard at all the gadgets near my hard little table they were calling a bed. She sat down and started attaching electrodes to my hand after she had made me wash it to get it "warm." I asked her what she was doing.

"You will receive some shocks from each of these electrodes to see if your nerves are working properly. It will sting a little," she informed me.

HA! I thought. My electric fencer is bigger then your contraption and Iíve been zapped by the best fencer on the whole East Coast. Our main fences for the goats are electric. This puny little gadget wouldnít tickle a bug.

"Are you ready?" she asked.

A tiny tingle went up my index finger.

"Are you all right?" she asked.

HA! I laugh in your face, I thought. "Fine, fine," I said.

The tingling continued. I almost laughed out loud. If they thought this was a shock they needed to come to my farm. Iíd show them a shock. Try standing in wet grass and accidentally bending over and touching your head to the electric fence. Now, thatís a shock!

She went to the center of my hand and flicked the switch. I was caught like a fish on a line and bounced up and down on the hard table for a few seconds.

"OH, OH, OH!!" I shouted, mildly complaining. "That hurt!"

"Well, itís your own fault. You tensed up," she said.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

I could see our dialog wasnít going to improve, so I shut up.

She turned her switches off and sat looking disapproving at me. "The doctor will be in to test your muscles. He uses needles," she said with satisfaction.

An eternity later the doctor appeared. He was very young, over weight, and hands so soft I pretended I didnít notice so as not to embarrass him. My own hands had so many calluses on them that they had started to move from the palms to the back of my hands to make room for all the new calluses. Calluses always meant to me a hard worker and a strong back, and this poor young doctor had not even one callus, except possibly one for reaching into his wallet to put more money in.

He started taking out what looked to be 18 gauge needles with 2-inch lengths, splashing them with alcohol and splashing my arm and hand with alcohol.

"Hi," I said weakly, glad I hadnít mentioned about his lack of calluses.

"We will check your muscles to see if there is damage," he proclaimed to the room, and plunged a needle in my arm, attached an electrode and zapped me.

"Now, push against my hand with your arm," he announced to the room.

Still being zapped, I thought, "Two can play this game, bud," and tried to knock him off his stool with my arm muscle.

Iíve lifted too many hay bales to be weak. A surprised look came over his face.

"Uh, good, good." He quickly stabbed me in the lower arm and zapped. "Try to lift against my hand."

I did my best to toss him to the other side of his console. He quickly removed his hand and stabbed me in the hand in three places, and started zapping.

"Push your thumb against my hand," and he braced himself against the table. It almost killed me but I tried to force him to his knees.

He turned loose fast and started taking out the needles. My hand and arm was one big ache.

"No muscle or nerve damage, yet. But, you are starting to get carpal tunnel syndrome. Continue wearing your brace at night and when the pain gets too bad, we will operate."

I thought, when goats fly.

Now Iím wondering, my feet have been feeling almost the same as my hand. Do people get carpal tunnel feet? Ankle? And, if the brace helps, Iíve got ideas of using PVC pipe and duct tape that just might work. But, Iíd better get a patent on it. Someone else might see how useful this might be and copy.

And, I certainly hope these goats appreciate the effort I go through to keep them in hay.

THE END

Connie Reynolds - Autumn Farm
Ravenswood, WV

 

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