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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NO…
ZAPPED!
autumnfarmsboers.com
Lee & Connie Reynolds
Autumn Farm
Ravenswood, WV

LISTEN TO MY STORY ABOUT A MAN NAMED...
by
Connie S. Reynolds

Listen to my story about a man named Lee, a poor mountaineer but he kept his family fed ( one wife, 70 goats, 4 horses, 2 mules, flock of chickens, gaggle of geese, 2 livestock guard dogs, 2 backyard dogs, 6 cats, and one guinea). Why the paraphrase of the Beverly Hillbilly song? We decided over a month ago to head to Orlando, Florida, to visit Lee’s folks. And, to make things more interesting, we were going to take our old 88 Astro van and on the way back from Florida, stop and visit a friend and Boer breeder down south and pick up one of her baby fullblood Boer bucks.

Our goat farming is rather intensive at the moment with all the goats penned in a couple of pens while we build new fence on our 107 hilly WV acres. The trick would be to find someone innocent enough to live on and take care of the place while we were gone; we planned on a four-day trip. My younger sister was sentimental enough to agree to do this so we can go see Lee’s folks who are getting a little up there in years. She also enlisted the aid of her 18-year-old son. She was all happy that she could do this for the dear old folks (both us and Lee’s parents) and in spite of this sentimental nature, she’s a nurse that can give a patient a shot with a gleam in her eye that says, "Don’t give me no nonsense." We knew she was the right one to train for the job.

After a couple nights training, when she got off work, on how to care and feed all the livestock and to make sure she knew the proper use of a thermometer, Lee and I knew we were ready for the trip. New tires were put on the van; air pressure put in professionally by the tire man himself, windows on the van cleaned. We threw in our suitcases, shoved clean garbage bags over the hanging clothes, packed the large dog cage for the goat, and put a cooler of snacks behind the front seats within easy reach.

Now our old Astro van is built on a truck frame and can haul over 1100 lbs. of feed without a whimper. Long ago we took out all the seats, except the two very comfortable seats up front, and started using it for hauling things when it rained. The van rides a little rough, bucking over bumps in the road, but the seat belts and the comfortable seats keep you in place. The air conditioning still worked and the baby goat and us would be very comfortable in the hot weather.

We planned on leaving early Saturday morning, drive all day, stop at our friends’ farm to pick out a baby buck and then on the return trip on Tuesday, pick it up for the trip back to WV. I couldn’t sleep Sat. morning and got up at 3:30 a.m. and Lee and I started the morning feeding and left around 5 a.m.

Things were going great, we’d had a good 5 hours of sleep, we were on I-77, and soon on the WV Turnpike. The road turned from asphalt to concrete and the roughest concrete we’d ever been on. The van was responding by bucking continuously down the interstate. We were bouncing so vigorously back and forth in our seats that I thought we both were going to get whiplash. I noticed everyone else just smooth sailing along, without one bobble, one buck, or even one crack the whip of the neck.

I looked at Lee as we bucked on down the interstate and said, "I don’t see anyone else rocking back and forth in their seats." He just shrugged and determinedly drove on down the Turnpike. Finally, we got through the mountains of WV and went into Virginia. They had this place called Fancy Gap that said it was at least a 7-mile tall slope. It was a pleasant little hill after the mountains of WV.

At least we were off concrete roads and when we rolled into NC the winds picked up. The old van shivered with each blast of the wind. Suddenly we heard a knocking underneath the van on my side. Then it started knocking up near the front right tire, then on the right side of the van, and back underneath the van, a steady "thump, thump, thump."

Lee and I looked at each other and we both said, "Is the faithful old van breaking down?" Lee said, "Look out your window, Connie."

"What good would looking out my window do?" I asked in puzzlement. But, I looked out because I do trust the wisdom of my husband, even when he doesn’t make a lick of sense. And, lo and behold, some trim on my side of the van had blown off and got caught in the running boards and was thumping the van for all it was worth. Lee pulled off the road and retrieved the trim and threw it in the back, because you never know when you are going to need some trim some where.

Lee climbed back into the van and headed on down the interstate. Between the van bucking most the way out of WV, winds whipping us back and forth in NC, the trim trying to beat the van to death, Lee looked at me and muttered, "I feel like the Beverly Hillbillies." I nodded in agreement. After only five hours of sleep, we probably looked like them, too.

We arrived on our friends’ farm around noontime. They wanted to feed us, but we declined because we had to be on the road soon. They showed us their handsome baby bucks, we picked the one we wanted to load up on Tues., and careened out of their driveway to make it to Orlando before midnight.

We arrived in Orlando at 9:30 p.m. and stayed two days. Tuesday came early and we were up and gone by around 4:30 a.m. We rolled onto our friends’ farm by 11:15 a.m. to pick up our new buck. They were inside eating that famous southern fried chicken, I believe the box was labeled Lion King, and they insisted we should eat and stay a while.

We had been snacking all the way up from Florida to stay awake and had gone past full a long time ago. I had even tried some of that new cherry flavored Mountain Dew that is supposed to have 50% more caffeine in it. It didn’t phase me one bit. Half way to our friends’ farm I had told Lee to let me out of the van and I’d run ahead and tell our friends that Lee was almost there with the van. Of course this was when Lee was going 70 mph on I-77. He told me to put my seat belt back on and stay put. I thought I’d better, because if nothing else, my lightning like chatter and fast wit would keep him awake. He did take the cherry flavored Mountain Dew bottle and hide it under his seat.

We thanked them kindly for the offer of food but we had better get on down the road with our new buck. Our friend started filling out our buck’s papers and she and her husband made the comment that we didn’t act like West Virginians. Interested, we asked why not.

There were West Virginians in their area and they did not take baths, they said. "Well," I said bashfully, "Saturday night was only three days back and we haven’t been doing any work to get dirty."

Next thing, West Virginians weren’t smart. She must have caught me reading the buck’s papers. "Well," I explained, "we did have a lot of Sears catalogs back home and you can’t help but learn words after you sit out there a while."

No, they concluded, we just didn’t act a bit like the West Virginians they knew. She finished up her paper writing and said, "You are good friends wanting to buy one of our bucks. Got cash?"

Prentis and Jerriann McDonald We loaded the much surprised baby buck into his cage. He stood there for a second and then unconcernedly started eating his hay. Even when we were traveling down the road with tractor-trailers whizzing by, he just lay down and chewed his cud, enjoying the air conditioning after the ninety-degree heat down south. The only thing I can figure is why he was so calm about the whole trip, was that our good friend must have taken him for a lot of rides in her car when she had to go to town in order for him to get use to traveling.

The trip back was much better after we learned that our tire man had put at least 6 pounds more pressure in the tires then even he recommended. The wild bucking over the WV Turnpike turned into gentle little leaps every now and then, after we let some of the air out of the tires.

Nico The only problem we had was stopping at rest areas. Usually we came back from the restrooms and found a group of people looking into our van. The baby buck gazed at the crowd of faces unconcernedly and sometimes would stand up to show how a real buck used the bathroom. I was tempted to tape a box on the side of the window and write "$.25 a look", but was afraid the state troopers would take it wrong, not realizing it was just a little baby buck in the van.

We arrived back on the farm around 8:20 p.m. My sister was so joyful to see us that she threw the keys to the house in my general direction, jumped in her car, and floored it out the driveway. Farm living must have been good for her. She was so energetic.

"Listen to my story about a man named Lee, a poor mountaineer but he kept his family fed," I hummed as we bedded the new baby buck down in his stall. Nothing like being home again.

THE END

 

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