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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
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KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEARíS RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
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PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
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SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NOÖ
ZAPPED!
autumnfarmsboers.com
Connie Reynolds
Autumn Farm
Ravenswood, WV

TATTOOING
by
Connie S. Reynolds

The other day we were at the lumberyard and I noticed a young man with tattoos all up and down both arms. Being a tattooer myself, I was fascinated. I kept sidling up closer and closer to him to study them. I believe they were pictures of deathís heads, skull and cross bones, knives and chain saws, graves, things like that, but what I was fascinated with was the technique. Here was some quality work.

He had been nervously glancing down at me as I kept sidling closer and he had kept edging away. But, he wasnít going to get away from me that easy. I had to see these tattoos closer as I had forgot to bring my glasses. Finally, he just turned tail and ran. Tattoo man has left the building. I let out an exasperated puff of air. Well, if Mr. Skulls and Crossbones and Opened Graves was such a nervous Nelly to let a middle-aged woman spook him, he should have had "Sissy" printed along with those pictures, I huffed.

If only he had stood his ground and growled, "What do you want, old woman?" Then, we could have had an intelligent conversation on his tattoos, how the tattooer achieved such clarity, how long the tattoo had been on his arm, how long he expected it to stay, and particularly what kind of ink the tattooer used. But, no, Mr. Skulls and Skeletons got the vapors and had to leave because of a little scrutiny.

What did Lee think of me trying to chase this young tattooed man down? Lee and I have been married so long, he almost has all my thought processes down to a fine art. I came stomping back to his side while he was waiting in line. He glanced down at me.

"Good tattoos?"

"Excellent," I answered.

"The nervous type?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said, disappointedly.

"Should have put ĎSissyí underneath the pictures," he commented.

"I know," I said.

When Lee and I got into the Boer goat business, we discovered we had to tattoo most the goats. Heavens. I couldnít stand the thoughts of getting my ears pierced and Iím supposed to tattoo some innocent little goat? Not only were we suppose to tattoo them but it had to be in the ears, both ears. This was just getting worse and worse. Now, I could have not done it, but so many people asked about papers and you had to tattoo to register the little dears (the goats, not the people). Maybe, if all people who wanted to buy Boer goats had to be tattooed themselves with their farm name and the number and year they were born in their ears, maybe this notion of poking little holes in kidsí ears would be forgotten. Since that is not likely, we breeders who want to register a kid every now and then have to learn how to tattoo.

We checked around with different breeders and some said in order to make the tattoo last longer, to wait and tattoo when the kids were older, like 3-6 months of age. So, we waited and we waited and finally the day arrived.

We figured out a plan of action. We would put the kids in a stall and catch them one by one. Lee would sit on a bucket with the front legs of the kid on one side of his legs, and the hind legs of the kidís on the other side, and the kidís belly resting in Leeís lap. Lee would bend over the kid to hold him in place. I would have all the things set up within easy reach to start tattooing.

We caught a kid. Lee sat on the bucket and started putting our plan into action. He was all set and ready for me to tattoo when the kid gave a mighty kick, knocking Lee off the bucket. He found himself lying on this back holding tightly to a kid on his chest, who is kicking and screaming. The rest of the kids are stampeding around, doing leaps over Lee and the trapped, thrashing and screaming kid.

I grab hold of the kid and Lee rights himself and gets back on his bucket. One thing we had totally forgotten, Boer and Boer cross kids this age are much stronger then what our dairy and Angora goats had been. After he gets back on his bucket, Lee changes his mind and backs the bucket up against the wall so he can brace himself while holding the kid in his lap.

Now, itís my turn. At the suggestion of several breeders I bought two tattooers. One is permanent one with our farm name on it and the other is one we change each year for the letter that represents the year and what number this goat is that is born in this year. They said it would make things faster and easier. Thank you, whoever you are that suggested this. It worked.

The right ear will have the farm letters in it. I slip on my plastic gloves to protect myself from the ink, use the roll on ink to coat the inside of the ear first. So far so good. The kid has gotten relaxed in Leeís arms and is starting to fall asleep. I pick up the farm name tattooer, slip it on and clamp down quickly.

The kid shoots straight up in the air with a mighty yell, cracking Lee underneath the chin. If it hadnít been for the wall, he probably would have fallen off his bucket from the surprise upper cut given by the kid. He still holds onto the kid with a death grip, though he is looking a little woozy in the eyes. I wait a minute for him to get his bearings as to where he is at.

"Lee, I canít find the tattoo," I said, checking the kidís ear.

Lee looks down and focuses.

"Uh, Connie, look on top of the ear," he says.

And, there it is. I had the tattooers turned wrong and had tattooed the top of the kidís ear instead of the underneath part. Bummer. I have to do it again.

After I do the tattoo correctly this time, I rub the roll on green ink on the ear and then rub baking soda into that to make the ear heal roughly and be easier to find the tattoo. I put the tattooer into a clean peanut butter jar filled with alcohol to disinfect the tattooer for the next kid. I have a thing about passing germs on from one kid to another. We do the next ear, this time I remember to hold the tattooer correctly and everything is finished before you know it.

I noticed my hands were sweating like crazy in those plastic gloves and I couldnít change the numbers as easily as I liked with them. I tossed the gloves aside.

As we go from kid to kid, I notice my hands getting greener and greener. Not only that, but in turning the kids loose and catching new ones, neat green hand prints appear on their sides. I have discovered this is indeed helpful in knowing which kids have already been tattooed and it only takes a week or two for the ink to wear off on their coats. Iíve also discovered that if you go in and do dishes a couple of times, the green ink will also disappear from my hands. The clerks in town donít even bother to ask me why my hands are green. They have grown accustomed to it.

We also have decided to tattoo the kids much younger now. They arenít as strong and, besides, Lee is getting tired of being knocked off the bucket. Now, if that cross and bones timid young man had only stayed put, Iím sure I could have found out where he had his tattoo done and could have gone and quizzed that fellow. Thereís always room for improvement. I suppose the young man had never met the determination of a professional goat tattooer.

THE END

 

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