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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEARíS RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
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PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NOÖ
ZAPPED!
autumnfarmsboers.com
Connie Reynolds
Autumn Farm
Ravenswood, WV

HAULING GOATS
By Connie S. Reynolds

The other day Lee and I had to go to a favorite farm store to pick up fencing supplies. On the way back to the truck I noticed an older service van with solid sides parked beside us. The windows up front were rolled down because it was a warm day. As I started to get into our truck I heard a deep, low moan come from the van.

It shook me to the bottom of my old sneakers and I whirled around and without a moments hesitation stuck my head through the open window of the van. Someone was in trouble and desperately needing help.

And, what should my wandering eyes see, but the tail end of a big calf that was tied in the van. Fortunately, he wasnít as startled as I was or I would have been the one doing the deathly moaning. Reactions of unhappy startled calves are even known to goat people. I quickly withdrew my head and realized Lee had been saying something before I had so swiftly gone to the rescue.

"Calf," he repeated.

I glanced at the van again and saw a deodorizer green leaf hanging from the rear view mirror. Well, it was going to take more then that to salvage that van, I thought. But, maybe the driver hurriedly stuck it up his nostrils as he drove down the road. That would work.

I couldnít help but ponder about the many ways we had hauled animals and had seen other folks haul them. One of the first times was right after we were just married. Lee had got the notion that we needed a goat. I had never owned a goat or even been around one, but if Lee wanted a goat then, by gosh, we were going to get Lee a goat. He didnít have clue at what kind of attraction goats would have for me for the rest of our married life. Iím sure he would have changed his mind if he had known.

We had bought the bottle baby, raised her up on my mom and dadís place and when it was time to move her to our place, she was full-grown. The only way to haul her was with me driving the Vega and Lee holding the goat in his lap in the passenger seat. When we almost got to our place, Lee suddenly said.

"Iím feeling something warm in my lap."

"Oh," I said. No use saying anything else. We knew what it was.

When we set the goat outside the car, Lee was soaked, including the seat. The goat hadnít been a bit concerned and had chewed her cud the whole time. When you gotta go, you gotta go.

Now that we raise and breed Boers and Boer percentages, we get to see all sorts of ways to haul goats when people come to buy one or several. One favorite way is buy one goat, no matter what the size, and put it in the back seat of the car with the rest of the two-legged kids. The parentsí idea on this is the two-legged kids can control the goat, especially if the two-legged kids realize that their life is in danger in the back seat with a goat. And, those human kids manage it somehow. Nothing like danger to bring out the best in human kids when there is a chance of being trampled by a goat.

Iíll have to say though, most my goats are so tame that they enjoy riding in the back seat of a car with the children. They even look forward to a quick stop at McDonalds. The children or the goat never get tired of those Happy Meals.

Iíve seen stock trucks, two horse trailers, stock trailers, and even had a lady drop by and pick up a full grown super stinky buck and stick him in the back of her Scout. She didnít mind the smell of riding with the buck inside her car. He was so surprised he rode like he had been given car rides all of his stinky life. He was a real gentleman all the way to his new home.

Now, we do have a stock trailer for hauling, well, stock, but it is huge and if you want to haul just one goat, itís a nuisance to use. The truck isnít set up with racks to keep anything in. Itís on our to-do list and soon as we no longer need it, we get it done. Mainly, we use our old van, the Goat Mobile, to haul kids around in a large dog cage.

Weíve taken all the seats out of the í88 Astro van and just left the driverís and the passengerís seat. Not only is it great to haul kids around in, but it can haul up to 1100 lb. of feed, if necessary.

Sometimes we do have to haul an adult goat. Itís pretty simple to do this. We lay a tarp down, gather up paper towels, put in a large empty margarine tub with a lid for catching any goat bodily fluids, and a big white bucket to sit on.

One word of caution on the bucket. I had a friend tell me that if you have any renegade buckets on your farm that tend to tip over if you try to sit on them, get rid of them. They tend to breed other renegade buckets. Keep only the docile buckets on your farm.

Iím afraid I have to disagree with her. Buckets donít breed other buckets. But, they do teach other buckets to be renegades. They learn quickly how to tilt you over once they see another bucket do this. Itís best to just get rid of all the buckets then and start over new.

Once we have the tarp laid down, the empty margarine tub with lid, paper towels, and a tame bucket to sit on; we go get the goat. Like I said earlier, most of our goats are friendly. Usually they happily crawl in after us as we get in the van. If not, Lee lifts the front end, I lift the rear end and heave ho them in.

Then Lee sits in the back on the tame bucket and holds the lead rope to the goat. I do the driving because the theory is if the goat gets scared and tries to come to mommy while she is driving, Lee has the strength to hold her back. Unless, of course, weíve picked a renegade bucket and the bucket has thrown Lee. Then it can be utter chaos everywhere for a while.

Usually, the goat faces the rear of the van, looks out the back door windows and enjoys watching the cars come up and tail gate us to see what kind of dog we have looking out the window. The goat particularly likes it when young children wave to them.

If you truly want to know how creative a person is, watch them try to haul a goat. Itís an experience most people remember for a lifetime.

THE END

 

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