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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
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GOAT WHEELS
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GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
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M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEARíS RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
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THE GAME'S AFOOT
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THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
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THE V WORD
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WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
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WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
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WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
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WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NOÖ
ZAPPED!
TIPS FOR SURVIVING KIDDING
autumnfarmsboers.com
Lee & Connie Reynolds
Autumn Farm
Ravenswood, WV

By Connie S. Reynolds

While spreading peanut butter with my finger on my favorite whole wheat bread, it occurred to me I should share some kidding tips for survival for that exciting season.

These are mainly household tips, but very necessary during Kidding Season. The idea for this story came to me because I had just come into the house and faced a kitchen with dirty dishes that looked to be towering to the ceiling. Weíd been in Kidding Season a couple of weeks and washing dishes was low on the To Do list. Thatís when I came face to face with the realization I had no clean eating or spreading utensils handy. Washing my hands (important to do to keep that pure peanut butter taste), I proceeded spreading the peanut butter with my finger. Adaptability is very important in Kidding Season.

One of the very first things you should do before Kidding Season is tell everyone, friends, relatives, complete strangers, that it is about to occur. Tell them when it will start and when you think it will end. Explain to them what they are to expect from you during Kidding Season and that is absolutely nothing. You will be dropping from sight. Your sole reason for living is taking care of those does and the kids they will be having.

When people try to call or drop by during Kidding Season, you will not be there. You will be down at the barn, morning, noon, night, midnight, early morning, earlier morning, etc. When those does say, "Ouch", you say, "Iím there!" And, people need to understand this.

So, explain it to them before hand, and maybe, just maybe, theyíll feel so sorry for you that they will drop casseroles by so you will have something to eat and you wonít be spreading peanut butter with your finger. Oh, tell them to bring utensils too.

Before Kidding Season starts you need to practice taking catnaps. Practice sitting in a chair and willing yourself to fall asleep for exactly 10-15 minutes to catch up on lost sleep. Itís better not to practice this at work, unless youíve been doing so for years. If you have been, then you are already ready for Kidding Season in the sleep department.

Sleep. Thatís a five-letter word you wonít hear often, much less do, during Kidding Season. I, personally, keep 3-4 wind-up clocks with different alarm times around the house. These clocks are set at different times for the night to make me or Lee get up and go check on does. We kid in the winter and unless we want kid popcicles, we have to check on the does regularly.

Stock up on fast foods for Kidding Season. I get plenty of peanut butter and whole wheat bread. If you are into lunchmeats, get those. You say, what about TV dinners? Personally, after tasting many TV dinners when my hand was operated on, I think TV dinners are a subtle form of terrorist attacks, promising something tasty and giving you something nasty. Besides, you think you are going to have time to microwave a TV dinner? HA!

Oh, and caffeine, get plenty of caffeine. Youíll hit a day or a couple of days that the girls will insist on kidding one after the other, all day long, into the night, and early the next morning. Or, you have a girl that you swear is going to drop a kid any second and then suddenly she sees an interesting piece of hay that she absolutely has to check out and eat and then she has to chew her cud. Just as you think itís a false alarm and you are starting to move away, she squats and grunts. You are back like a shot and she pretty much keeps you by her side for several hours, keeping a smug look on her face the whole time.

I like to get pop bottles and fill them up with my favorite high caffeine cola and keep one at each barn. That way I can take a swig as I walk by to keep me going. You just have to watch out for temperature changes when your bottle could freeze solid and you damage to your teeth trying to take that swig. Also put that bottle somewhere the dogs, cats, rats, goats, etc. canít reach it. We have a dog that is a cola addict and heís all the time thinking of clever schemes to get hold of my cola bottle.

What about make-up? Forget that, who has time to apply make-up? Your neighbors will just have to think your husband has traded in his beautiful wife for this pasty faced, washed out woman. Besides, with all that caffeine and lack of sleep, you will be definitely wired and it wouldnít be safe to bring that eyelash curler anywhere close to your face. Your lips may end up with a permanent curl.

Plan ahead about washing clothes. You can get slimed a lot while kidding. Plus, you have to keep those kidding towels washed up. Be ready to wash any time day or night. I find myself flying by the washer at 3 a.m., throwing kidding towels in, detergent, Clorox, on my way back to the barn or maybe a chance to get two hours sleep in my favorite hard backed chair.

When you wash the familyís clothes have it planned out. All things get washed together, no separating of whites or colors. You donít have the time. Use cold water and dump everything in. Forget about sorting and putting clothes away. If you are fortunate to have a spare bedroom, dump the cleaned, dried clothes on the bed and have everyone go in there to find what they need. If you donít have a spare bedroom, designate the end of the couch, but hurry, your girls need you. Dump the clean clothes, shout to the family where they are, and dive back to the barn.

One word of caution in doing this type of washing, if you find you are running low on clean underthings, but your husband has plenty, do not, and I repeat, do not be tempted to borrow a pair of his. What if you have to hurry to the vetís to get medicines and you are in an accident? They rush you to the hospital and have to strip your clothes off, how will you explain what you are wearing? Sure, other goat people who happen to be nurses and who have gone through Kidding Season will understand, but the rest wonít. So, donít do it. Youíll never live it down. Trust me.

What about ironing? Whatís that? See how easily thatís handled.

A clean house during Kidding Season? Never heard of it. Just keep yourself a walkway so you can hurry out of the house and to the barn. You will also find the dust to be excellent for writing notes to each other in. If company drops by and they donít fully comprehend the Kidding Season and are looking around with supreme disapproval. Throw a dust rag at them as you go out the door and let them do something about.

You work full time plus are going to kid? Oh, poor you, how I feel for you. One year we decided to take vacation time during kidding season. What did the girls do? Go exactly 6 days over until everyone was back at work and then start kidding.

So, get those fast foods, caffeine, warnings about kidding, washing plans all figured out before hand and kidding will go by like a blur. I mean that. Lack of sleep does that to you. And, if youíve used up all your utensils and plastic spoons and you just have to have that chocolate syrup in your milk to celebrate a new kid, just put your hand over the glass and shake. Just make sure the glassís mouth is not larger then your hand. I have a very interesting kitchen ceiling because of this. Anyway, these tips should lead you directly into a successful Kidding Season. Happy Kidding!

THE END


 

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