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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEARíS RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NOÖ
ZAPPED!
LOOK LIKE A MILLION, SMELL LIKE A BUCK
autumnfarmsboers.com
Lee & Connie Reynolds
Autumn Farm
Ravenswood, WV

By Connie S. Reynolds

How many times have you stepped out of the house, all dressed up in your going to town clothes, and you hear a holler out at the goat barn that just doesnít sound right? So, do you calmly go back into the house, carefully take off your fancy going to town duds (clean jeans, shirt, and tennis shoes), fold them neatly away, put on your barn clothes, and then go to the goat barn to check it out?

No way!! You know these goats just look for holes to stick their heads in and get caught. You charge out there in clean tennis shoes, clean clothes, leaping over puddles, plowing through goat berries and mud, careening around the corner of the barn to find a goat with her head caught in the gate. And, itís in a place where you swore no goat would ever get her head caught in the gate and the resident bully doe is standing there using her as a butting bag.

You chase the bully doe off and stand there and study the situation. Somehow this doe has shaped her neck into a pretzel to weave in and out of the gate where it should have been impossible for her to stick her head. You really want to keep your good clothes clean, so you think of a technical thing that might get her head out of the gate without getting you dirty. You rattle the gate. This is with the hope it will scare her into figuring out for herself how to get out of a situation she got herself into. No such luck.

With a sigh, you lean your good clothes into the goatís side to brace her, grab her shoulders against your good clean shirt, and start weaving her head out of the gate. And, do you get any thanks for this? Noooooo. She just hollers and whoops like you were the one who put her there and with a flip of her tail trots off when she is free, never once looking back with gratitude.

You dust yourself off the best you can, wipe off your tennis shoes, and head for town. You still look good, but there is a certain aroma to your person now. An "Evening Out At The Barn" type of perfume is now floating about you.

I canít count the number of times where I have an appointment in town, maybe doing something as simple as dropping something off at an office and it never fails, things go wrong on the farm right before I am suppose to leave. I find myself impossibly late to get there on time and in desperation, leap into the truck and head to town. I still have my barn clothes on, barn boots, and barn coat. When I rush in the office, thinking they would be so grateful that I made it on time, I find that they expect me to wait a while. I offer to leave the materials with the secretary or clerk or whoever and they refuse to take responsibility of it and accept it and invite me to sit down.

All right. They asked for it. The barn outfit might not be as dirty this time but the barn aroma is still there. I try to sit as close to the person who would not accept whatever it was I had to drop off as possible. No sense wiping out the innocent people forced to wait also.

Eventually the heat in these offices gets to the barn clothes. A heady odor starts wafting throughout the waiting room. I usually lean a little closer this time to the office person and ask if I may leave the before mentioned information with her. She usually readily accepts.

One evening Lee and I decided to trim the older buckís feet. I had my new barn coat on. I was so proud of it. The older buck wasnít exactly happy to get his feet trimmed and a wrestling match ensued, but we finally got the job done. By that time my coat smelled as rank as the buck.

The next day I had to run to town and stop at an office to ask some questions. Naturally, things went wrong, I was late, once again it was the dive into the truck and the charge to town. But, this time I had a dandy new barn coat.

As I went into the office and got in line, I could feel the warmth of the office doing itís magic. A heady buck aroma was coming from my coat. When I approached the desk, I noticed that the women working there leaned away from me at precisely the same distance I leaned towards them. We had a type of swaying dance going on. Plus, them controlling the grimaces on their faces as my heady buck perfume floated strongly towards them in great billowing waves. It was an oddly comical dance, me leaning in, and them leaning away. Looking good in a new barn coat just didnít cut it.

Iíve been thinking about this new Aromatherapy. This is where smells leave you with peace of mind or whatever mind you want to have. Thereís little capped bottles of all sorts of smells, I mean aromas. Do you think they have farm smells?

The sharp rank odor of a buck sure would wake someone up and make them take notice. The particular thing they would want to notice is the nearest exit away from that smell, I mean aroma. Now, if you could bottle that, you could wake up someone who was in a coma. Or put a drop or two behind your ears to make certain people stay away. Well, make that all people stay away.

The smell of milk replacer on your barn jeans is a good one. Sit in a warm house a moment and the aroma of spilt milk replacer on your jeans reminds you of the cute little bottle babies you just fed. Of course, the other smears on your jeans can also remind you of the rear ends of a couple of kids who had too much milk replacer.

The smell of freshly baled hay in your hay barn would be another good essence for the Aromatherapy treatment. Nothing smells better then new hay in a barn. Iíd like to keep a bottle of that aroma around to toss on me when I have to run to town in my barn clothes.

A family came out to see the goats the other day and their little girl was dressed fit to kill. Cutest little girl you ever saw, all frills and bows and pink socks, the works. She was almost hysterical walking through the field.

"Watch out! Watch out! Thereís more goat poop!" she hollered, dancing tippy toe trying to miss all the goat berries.

She was in obvious distress and the parents didnít know what to say to her. I leaned over and said, "Honey, itís all right to step on goat poo. Thatís allowed. Just donít step in dog poo." The parents totally agreed with that.

So we all now happily walked through the field of goat berries, petted goats getting nice goaty smells on us, and the buck pens near by added their usual aroma to the situation. I knew that when this nice family all piled into the car and went to Wendyís for lunch, that they would surely look like a million, but definitely smell like a buck to all who came in contact with them. Or, a least smell like a nice goaty farm. Now, thatís Aromatherapy.

THE END


 

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