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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEARíS RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NOÖ
ZAPPED!
DOES ON KIDDING
by
Connie S. Reynolds
autumnfarmsboers.com
Lee & Connie Reynolds
Autumn Farm
Ravenswood, WV

The other day I was watching some does standing around the barn, complacently chewing their cuds as their babies played. Their eyes were half closed, mouths slowly chewing, enjoying their first morning cud as kids charged around them, taking flying leaps off their motherís back.

One kid after another took turns chasing each other and then leaping on their momís back and standing there a second, daring a brother or sister to knock them off. Which they immediately did and off they ran chasing each other or someone else. If one of the kids jumped up on the wrong motherís back, he immediately got the evil eye and tilted off, if it was her kid, she stood still so as not to hurt her little darling. Now, when the kids get bigger and heavier, itís a whole new ball game. The mother immediately shakes the kid off or stands up against the side of the barn so as not to make such an easy target. If they jump up they get splattered against the side of the barn. But, for now the mothers were fondly allowing this new game the kids had discovered.

The way the does were standing around it made you think of them standing there gossiping while watching the children. I can hear them now talking about their perfect babies and having them.

Doe no. 1: "Ooooof! That little Tim is getting heavy. You wouldnít believe the time I had having that one!"

Doe no. 2: "Tell me about it. I must have stared at that wall all day thinking how bad I felt before even trying to have my Sara and Pat."

Does no. 3 & 4: "Ah huh. We hear you, girl."

Doe no. 5: "Well, I donít know about the rest of you, but I needed a little sustenance while waiting for these kids to be born, pain or not."

Doe no. 6: "I know it, I know it. Iíve found that eating a little while waiting helps take your mind off the discomfort."

Doe no. 2: "Eating a little?!" she snorted. "Remember, I was in the kidding pen beside you. Connie had to fill up your hay feeder twice before you started having your kids! No staring at the walls for you!"

Doe no. 6: "Of course not! Keep up your strength is my motto. Who knows how long itís going to take? Be strong and not so mealy mouthed you holler at every little pain."

Doe no. 1: "I heard that! I canít help it Iím the sensitive type."

Doe no. 2 looking at Doe no. 5: "Is it true that when you kid and lying there with the real serious pains that you actually stop pushing and take a bite of hay?"

Doe no. 5, very proudly: "Darn right. It helps me catch my breath and gives me an energy boost. Then, I feel ready to get right back at it."

Several does go, "Wow."

Doe no. 2: "What gets me is that ball of water that comes out first. Whatís that about?"

Doe no. 4: "I know what you mean. You feel absolutely horrible and you finally start straining some and this ball of water comes out. It hurts like the dickens."

All the does murmur in agreement.

Doe no. 6: "And, you know, sometimes it bursts inside you."

Does no. 2, 3, 4: "Youíre joking! That can happen?"

Doe no. 6: "You bet your sweet cud it can. It just flows out of you like you just drank a bucket of water. Some young ones think, well thatís it, false alarm. Ha! Then it starts getting serious."

Doe no. 5: "And, what about that Connie coming into your stall and watching? Is that weird or what? I say, what about privacy?"

Doe no. 2: "Privacy! Thatís a laugh. You werenít yelling for privacy last year when your baby, Brute, got stuck inside you. You were pretty happy Connie was there to wiggle him out. If I remember right, you were screaming at her to snap to it and get the little so and so out of there."

Doe no. 5: "Well, he was stuck and it certainly hurt. I was beside myself with pain and couldnít eat any hay to calm me down. You canít hold what I say at those stressful times against me."

Doe 3 & 4: "We like her in our stalls. Sheíll let us lay our heads in her lap and sheíll scratch us and tell us what brave girls we are."

Doe no. 3: "But, what I want to know, is what is that yucky stuff on the kids when they come out? And, you are suppose to lick that off?! Whatís that about?"

Doe no. 4: "I know what you mean. I just couldnít bring myself to do it. I waited until Connie cleaned the slime off and then I could bring myself to lick the kid."

Doe no. 3: "Thanks goodness she always has towels handy. I could bring my tongue almost close enough to lick that yucky stuff, but just couldnít do it. Iím like you, I could clean the kid after the slime was removed."

Doe no. 5, rolling her eyes: "Young does! Heaven help us."

Doe no. 6: "Donít worry, next year youíll just dive in before Connie gets a chance to use her towels. You were just taken by surprise. Youíll do fine. Youíll be in there licking, eager to get that baby up and nursing."

Doe no. 2: "Ha! Did you see those two over there?" Motioning to doe 3 & 4. "Connie had to hold them to make them let their own baby nurse!"

Doe 3 & 4: "Well, we didnít know what was going on! That cold wet thing staggering under us wanting to nurse. That kid was wet and absolutely froze you when it touched you! Weíd already licked on it. Just wasnít expecting the kid to do that next!"

Doe no. 5: "For heaven sake! Donít you remember nothing as a kid? What did you live on? Air? Of course your babies needed to nurse! I never heard of such a thing," she sputtered.

Doe no. 1: "Now, just settle down. They are young and learning. They have proved to be fine mothers, havenít you, dears?"

A baby flies through the air and lands awkwardly on Doe no. 1, almost bowling her over.

"Well," she says, "I think itís high time we move on out to the fields where these little dickens can find more room to run! Besides, my cud is gone and I need to do some serious browsing."

I watched as they all moved off as if they just had the same thought. They hollered to their kids to come on and they slowly moved down the hill to their favorite multiflora rose patch. Day had begun and all was right in the world in their eyes.

THE END


 

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