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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEARíS RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NOÖ
ZAPPED!

BABY MONITORS - BLESSING OR CURSE
by
Connie S. Reynolds
autumnfarmsboers.com
Lee & Connie Reynolds
Autumn Farm
Ravenswood, WV

I havenít quite decided about baby monitors yet. That is, whether they are a blessing or a curse to the goat farmer. I know they are a blessing for the mothers with human kids. They can put the child down for a nap, turn the monitor on, go to another room and do dishes, catch up on work, etc. Soon as that child makes a noise of any kind, they are in there checking on the child. Maybe takes all of one minute to get to the childís room.

Goat farmers using baby monitors is a whole new ballgame. For one thing, the monitor is placed way out at the barn. The barn can be on flat ground a good ways from the house, or be like us, at the bottom of a hill. Thatís one barn, the other barn is along a ridge going the opposite direction. Put baby monitors in both barns and life can get really interesting.

My mom gave us an old baby monitor last year that she had used on the grandkids. It was probably 7-10 years old and it worked great. Clear as a bell even at the distance we had from the house to the barn. Wow. A whole new world opened up to us on what the barn was like when we werenít there.

Click on the baby monitor up at the house and have the monitor placed down at the barn in the area where the does are suppose to kid and you can hear every snort, whistle, thud, burp, and all the sounds the goat can make too. Our local Big Lots store had a sale on baby monitors one week and we bought two Fisher Price models for $14.99 each. They can be hooked into the electric or run on batteries. They have channels A and D and you can put two on different channels, like we did for our two barns, and in the house you can switch back and forth to listen to either barn.

Not only is it fascinating to listen to barn sounds it gets addictive. You leave the monitors on all the time, even when watching TV or have company over. In the middle of a conversation you find yourself shushing the company to hear what is going on at the barn. And the odd thing, sometimes your company shushes you to hear what is going on at the barn. Itís really bad when your company is reluctant to leave for fear of missing the next sound coming from the barn.

Maybe we can blame this type of behavior of eavesdropping on the barn to TV programs such as Survivor, people hungering for "real TV". That is, not watching actors with scripts, but plain olí people responding to real situations. With baby monitors in barns, itís listening to plain olí sounds from a plain olí barns, and itís riveting. That will probably be our next "real TV" program and it will be called "Real Barn."

Anyway, as soon as you hear a grunt from a pregnant doe, you can be at the barn in minutes to check on her. You hear a tiny baby kid cry, meaning itís just been born, you can be at the barn in minutes. I know, I know, you have regular rounds you make to check on the pregnant does, so why use a baby monitor. But, my does are sneaky. I really believe they have a watch and they know my schedule as well as I do and at exactly what time Iíll be coming to check on them. And, as soon as Iím gone, they say, "Hey, we got at least an hour and a half. Letís all kid now!!"

Which is fine if they donít have any problems, but there is always that one time that someone has problems and you really need to be there. With this baby monitor, Iíve got them. I may have left the barn, but I can hear them. I have a few silent kidders that donít make much noise when they kid, but near the end, they all either grunt loudly or at least do one good yell. And, I can hear it over the monitor.

I do have a few tricksters in the doe herd. Girls that get a big kick out of grunting for no reason whatsoever just to see me come running down the hill to the barn. Then they all get together and giggle as they watch me weave back up the hill, slowly trudging from having already made 10 trips to the barn in less then one hour.

Once, a neighbor was talking to Lee while he was working on some fence near the road and asked if I was all right. He thought I was moving very strangely down the hill at that moment to go to the barn. Well, he would move a bit stiff legged too if he had just made fifty trips to the barn and the day wasnít half over. See what I mean about how the monitors could be a curse too?

I have caught a few of the does standing directly under the monitors, climbing up on the barn wall to get closer, and then holler like something was killing them. By the time I got there with my coat half on, a barn boot missing, and looking all wild eyed, they would gently baaa at me that they were out of hay or they had accidentally pooed in their water or ask if it was about time for their grain.

Leaving the baby monitors on at night is a whole new experience. Not only do you pick up snoring goat sounds, but you get to hear what the other farm animals do at night. One night Lee and I levitated at least a foot out of bed when a tremendous catfight broke out at the barn. They must have carefully placed themselves in front of the monitor for it to sound so loud, clear, and ferocious. Itís rough waking up in mid air wondering why you are in the middle of a catfight.

Then thereís Shorty. Shorty is our Japanese barn rooster. Cutest little dickens, all white, extremely little, with long black tail feathers. I had no idea, until we put the baby monitor down at the barn, that he started crowing at fifteen minutes to four every morning. You can set your clock by him. He roosts up high, near the monitor, and you hear this miniature crow, quite loudly, over and over and over and over and... You get the idea.

Also, if you are down at the barn and the baby monitor is on up at the house, you must remember to not talk about anyone who is up at the house. They can hear every word clearly. Like you and your spouse had to leave your company for a moment to check on some sound down at the barn, do not make comments about anyone's hairstyle or bad breath. Bad idea. Trust me. But, it is interesting listening to your spouse down at the barn with the goats. That is when you find out if they really do like goats or are just putting up with them for your sake. Once Lee went down to check on a pregnant doe and a bunch of weaned kids heard him and tried to break down the door to get to him. He had to go in and call them sweet little babies, hug a few, pet a few, and spend a few moments just playing with the kids. It was a lot of fun hearing a big man go all soft over some sweet little kids.

And then thereís this... Wait a minute. What was that? Did you hear that? Gotta get to the barn fast!

THE END


 

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