Parlez-vous Goat? Er, how about, Estes Goat? That is about all the foreign language I know, which is
considerable if you think about it. And, then there is your own country slang. In my area people may come
up and say to me, "How’s that thar stinking billy of yourn?" Down in the southern part of the USA it may
sound like, "What are y’all going to do with that billy buck?" And, there’s all sorts of regional slangs and
sayings in every part of the country, but when it comes to speaking Goat language, goat people just
naturally know it or pick it up fast, whether it’s slang or foreign language.
I’ve received lots of emails and phone calls over the last two years concerning the Nanny Berries series
Keith Smith thought up for boergoats.com. He thought up the name and asked me to write my goat
experiences. Oddly enough people write and say the same thing that has happened to me has happened to
them. All my experiences at one time or the other has been their experiences and it has given them a
chance to laugh at themselves.
I have to protest a little bit here. We all haven’t had exactly the same experiences, but it’s been pretty dern
close. I haven’t yet dressed up a goat as one reader had in bracelets, with bows around the goat’s neck and
around each horn, painted the hooves with nail polish, and pierced the goat’s ears to wear ear rings.
Okay, okay, I have to admit I do have two of the cutest little purebred does kids you’ve ever seen that I
did put imitation rhinestone collars on. Those collars were just too adorable at the local Big Lots store and
just the right price ($1.00 each) over in the doggie section for people’s French poodles. The doe kids are so
cute running around in their imitation rhinestone collars that I call them my Rhinestone Doe Girls.
But, I have not painted their hooves with nail polish or put bracelets on their pasterns. Now I have
considered styling a new type of ear tag that could be made like earrings so you could put a different style
in the goat’s ears for different occasions. And, instead of the same type of number printed, possibly do it in
Roman numerals with different colors of paint. Quite stylish I would think. Ear tags that fit your mood or
your goat’s mood.
Another reader asked me to write about my experiences with putting Pampers on a goat. Now I really have
to draw the line here, folks. I have never put Pampers on a goat, but it is an intriguing idea. And as soon as
I say I would never put Pampers on a goat, I will most assuredly be finding myself putting Pampers on a
goat in the next week or so for some reason or another. Never say never.
Mainly, I just put my goats that are in the house in a box and these are baby goats, not big goats. I could
just see a big goat staying in a box in the house, unless you duct taped him in it. Now we have put kids in
hog panels down in the basement near the wood stove. We would lay a tarp on the floor, put hay on that,
and then put the kids in their little temporary pens.
Another reader wanted me to tell about letting goats sleep on our bed. I suppose this is where the Pampers
might come in handy. I can honestly say the impulse to let a goat sleep on my bed has never occurred to
me. Now sleeping in our bedroom is another thing. Lee and I have carted box loads of kids to our bedroom
at night to keep an eye on them or give them their bottles and they stayed in their boxes. Now that’s box
loads of goat kids, not human kids. We would never stick a human kid in a box, unless they just like to
sleep in it.
Now, I did gross out my little niece one time. It was years before she would have anything to do with me
and a kid in a box. It was quite simple really. Lee and I noticed that whenever you gave a kid a bottle, right
afterwards they would need to urinate. Since a kid’s box can get wet in no time no matter how much
plastic is at the bottom of the box and hay is on top of that, we decided to lift this one particular kid out,
who seemed to urinate an ocean after feeding, and as soon as he stretched out to urinate, we would put a
plastic container under him and let him flood that. After he was finished, we dumped the contents in the
commode and flushed. Our little niece watched us do this once and it totally horrified her and she wanted
out of our house right then. I have no idea what she was thinking at the time. Maybe that we would ask her
to do the same after she ate, I don’t know.
Another type of goat language that people do unintentionally and don’t realize what they are doing is tonal
goat language. The tone of your voice alerts a goat to what is going on. If you are agitated, they can get
agitated, if you are screeching just because the whole herd got out and spent the afternoon dancing all over
your new car, they will disappear over the hills. Voice tone means a lot.
One day Lee came in and said the baby goats were not responding to him the way they did to me. I would
come out and start talking to them and they would be all over me. When he started talking, they ignored
him. I asked him to demonstrate his talk and then it hit me. His tone was all wrong.
When I talk to my baby goats, I talk in a high pitch, "How’s my wittle cute babies," type deal. I told him
that’s what I thought it was. He took it quite seriously and went out to the weanlings’ pen and started
talking in this extremely high tone for a man, trying to imitate my voice, and the babies came running. Of
course, I was rolling around on the ground laughing and had a hard time getting back up, but it had worked.
Goat language, at least when talking to goats, can be very tonal. I don’t think it would be a good idea to try
tonal goat language on a goat person. Mainly, because it’s hard to have a serious conversation with a
person who is rolling on the ground laughing.
So, in the Universal Goat Language, we can all basically understand each other. Simply because our
experiences are so similar. Now excuse me while I go get the Diaper Wipes. I’ve just noticed a kid with a
messy behind, er, that’s a goat kid for the non-goat people. Talk to you man-yawna.
THE END
