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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEARíS RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NOÖ
ZAPPED!
THE FARM WALK
by Connie S. Reynolds

autumnfarmsboers.com

LEE & CONNIE REYNOLDS
AUTUMN FARM
RAVENSWOOD, WV

As I trudged out through the field the other day, I suddenly realized I was walking totally different then what I had early that morning. See, this is what happens to you when you spend a lot of time out among the goats. Your mind jumps and leaps and bucks around to some of the strangest thoughts.

I realized I was honestly "trudging", putting one heavy determined foot in front of the other. I was tired, I had gates to open, other gates to close, let the herd out to pasture after a night in an enclosure with their livestock guard dog to protect them from predators, count goat heads, do a quick check on the health of the herd, and so on and so on. And, those feet of mine, the best they could do was trudge -- heavy, tired, but determined.

There are so many walks that a goat farmer has that itís hard to keep up with them all. Like early this morning doing the 5 a.m. feeding, I definitely was not trudging. In fact I canít remember anything except a foggy feeling. So, I must have been doing the "Foggy" walk then. You just donít think that early in the morning, you just go around in a fog, going on automatic, getting the work done.

Other days I have "Brisk" walks. I briskly walk everywhere to get everything done in a brisk amount of time. I feel sharp, I feel good, and thereís nothing that I canít briskly walk to and get done in seconds flat.

Then thereís the "Casual, Jerk, and Leap" walk. This is when I think Iíve seen a snake. The other day I was walking down the hill casually behind Lee and out of the corner of my eye I could have sworn I saw a Copperhead snake.

I jerked to attention, did a sudden leap forward, and it was Leeís quick reactions that saved him from being bowled over and knocked down the hill. He understands the many farm walks I have and was able to save himself. After the leap forward, landing at the bottom of the hill, I had to go back and see what I had reacted to. Naturally I was ready for another quick jerk and then leap, but discovered I had used all that energy to get out of the way of an old rope.

Then thereís the "Hunker" walk. This is where you hunker down, moving slowly from hay feeder to hay feeder and then nab a goat to worm it. A different version of this is the "Hunker Scootching" walk. Itís a speeded up version of the "Hunker" walk. You are just hunkering down and scootching along at good speed to catch a goat that happens to be scratching itís back. It has its head turned and you only have a second or two to nab it before you come back into the goatís sight. I believe Lee has perfected these two walks. He has it down to fine art in nabbing unsuspecting goats. Heís the best hunker scootcher Iíve ever seen. One of these days I hope to be as good.

Then thereís the "Iím Not Doing Nuthin" walk. This is where you act all unconcerned that you are in the middle of the herd. You are humming or whistling, "The Hills Are Alive With the Sound of Music" and then suddenly, your hand darts out and youíve caught a sleepy goat. A piece of advice, the "Iím Not Doing Nuthin" walk does not work two days in a row. Goats catch on by the second day. You have to let it rest a week or two before you try it again.

The "Igor" walk is always entertaining for the visitor to the farm. This is where you are walking around with your back twisted, one shoulder higher then the other, and you have a very decided limp drag to one leg. This is where a kid has tried to dart past you during worming and youíve twisted and grabbed and the weight of the kid did pretzel things to your back and one leg. The drooling you experience afterwards is just the reaction you have towards the pain as you continue to try and keep up with the farm chores.

Have you ever been on a hillside and stepped down hard on a frost covered garden hose you use for watering the goats? It doesnít matter what kind of tread youíve got on your boots, your feet fly out from under you and down you go. I call this the "Step, Fall, Flop Around While Trying To Get Up With Your Breath Knocked Out, and Hope the Neighbors Didnít See" walk.

My then 72-year-old dad showed me the "Michael Jackson" walk. One day he was walking down the hill to the barn. It had just quit raining and the clay soil was good and slick. Suddenly both feet flew out from under him on the hillside. He snapped them both back under him, landed in a squat, threw one arm back on the hill and pushed and was standing upright in a matter of seconds and continued on down the hill as if nothing had happened. One of the smoothest Michael Jackson walks Iíd ever seen.

The other day Lee showed me the "Jump and Split" walk. We were out in tall grass putting up electric fence. Lee turned around in time to see a movement in the grass. The grass was parting from some short fat animal, building up steam, and heading right for him. He tried to duck and dodge but the parting grass kept coming straight at him. So, at the last second he jumped in the air and did a really neat split, while a big fat ground hog ran between his legs to his burrow that Lee didnít realize he was standing in front of. I had to clap. Leeís presentation of that particular farm walk was simply spectacular.

The next day, Buck, one of the livestock guard dogs, showed the exact same walk when he accidentally stood in front of the ground hogís den. You never saw such a surprised look on a dogís face. The ground hog disappeared after that. I think Buck did not approve of a dog doing the "Jump and Split" walk and took matters into his own hands, er, teeth.

Then thereís the variety of walks when winter comes. Thereís the "Walk, Slide, Suddenly Sit" walk when the ice is on the ground. The good olí "One Step, Fall, Bottom Buster" walk when the ice and snow is there. Also, donít forget the "Step, Slide Twenty Foot" walk. All the above are favorites of my neighbors as they sit in a warm house all winter while Iím outside feeding the goats. The neighbors donít need cable TV while Iím outside in the winter practicing all the many farm walks.

And, thereís the... wait a minute. Iíve got to go do my "Flying Leap off the Porch" walk to save a kid hung up in the woven wire fence. Weíll discuss the other walks at another time.

THE END

 

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