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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEARíS RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NOÖ
ZAPPED!

WHEN THE ARTIC FRONT SAT ON US
by
Connie S. Reynolds
autumnfarmsboers.com
Connie Reynolds
Autumn Farm
Ravenswood, WV

Itís not easy dressing for winter chores, but when an artic front came and sat on us for a couple of weeks, it felt almost impossible to dress for it. You needed to stay warm while doing barn chores, yet you needed to be able to move. And, after putting layer after layer of clothes on, you find out gravity starts going against you. You go from your usual weight that you are use to hauling around to almost doubling it, from the feel of it.

I was thinking on this one morning as I was putting layer after layer of clothing on and then I found a pair of Leeís old skiing pants and pulled that over top all the clothes I had already put on. No, Lee doesnít ski. Not intentionally any way. Sometimes when the ice is just right outside Iíll see him doing some marvelous splits and leaps, but thatís not intentional. We just happened on a great sale one day at the store where they were clearing out down ski pants to make way for summer things and it was a 90% reduction. Theyíve been great but not very tough for doing farm chores in. Thereís patches and rips all over the ski pants now, but they still keep you toasty. If only you could move around in them with all the other clothes on underneath.

As I started down the hill to the barn I thought, if I fall I would have to roll to someone to help me get back up. Couldnít crawl, just do a slow roll until a kindly passerby would help haul me back up on my feet. And, since we donít get many people passing by, Iíd probably have to roll almost to town to get someone to help me. So, I was more determined then ever to not fall today.

When this artic front came in, the temperature dropped hard and fast. If it hit eight degrees at that time it felt like a warm day, a joyous day, even the goats thought that spring had finally arrived. We had finished most of our kidding but one doe decided to wait until the artic front hit and kidded triplets when it was only 6 degrees F. We got the kids dried, made sure they had nursed and had put them under the heat lamp with a full contented stomachs.

When I slowly trudged to the barn the next morning, I found the new triplets up and trying to play in the stall and totally away from the heat lamp, very unconcerned that it was now ten degrees below zero F. The rest of the kids in the barn who had been born when it was warmer, like 20-30 degrees F, were all huddled tightly under their heat lamps. The new triplets went to their heat lamp when it was nap time, but any other time you saw them away from it, snooping or playing. I guess they were my artic kids and didnít know any better that this was indeed cold times.

During those artic times, conversation between Lee and I outside usually went like this:

Lee: "Why are you talking like that?"

Connie: "My lips are froze and only my teeth can move."

Lee: "Why are you walking like that?"

Connie: "Do I still have feet? I thought I lost them back there."

Lee: "I think my fingers are froze."

Connie: "You can remember what fingers are suppose to feel like? I think that part of my brain froze."

Lee, startled as he walks around the barn, " Is that you, Connie? Can you breathe with your face wrapped like that?"

Connie, with a wooly face toboggan and a wooly head toboggan and collar up over my head: "Breathe? Who needs to breathe? My face is warm now."

Mostly we just hurried when we were outside doing chores, even then it took twice as long in the artic cold. As soon as you filled a water bucket, it started freezing. The goats learned to wait expectantly for their water and to dive in and suck for all they was worth before the bucket became one huge ice cube. At least at that time I thought I was hurrying. With all those clothes on I felt like I was moving in slow frigid motion.

Then what happens? To add insult to injury, right when it was getting up to a toasty 20 degrees during the day, we get the winter storm of the century. After all, we are only about 3 years into this century, so for now itís the winter storm of the century.

We got rain, sleet, ice, snow. Some areas only got the rain and heavy flooding but the rest of us got sleet, ice, and snow. The power went out in 95% of our county from all the snow and ice. Whole towns without power. Oddly enough, our tiny little stretch of country road had power. It was so weird. Usually if a squirrel sneezes we lose our power out here, but during this tremendous ice and snow storm we had power. I think we should ban all squirrels from our woods so we can continue having power. Those little stinkers must have went into hibernation is why our power stayed on during the worse winter storm of the century.

Trees fell all around us as the snow and then ice and then snow and then ice and then... well, you get the picture. It sounded like a war was going on in the woods. You would hear a loud pop, like a gun, and then the falling of a tree or many trees. Limbs fell everywhere. When you went outside to do chores, you had to make sure you did not walk near any trees, or at least far enough from them that you felt like you had a running chance to get out of the way when it fell.

Ice stood over an inch tall on wires and fences. Not only was the fence and wires perfectly coated with ice, but they also had upside down icicles on the wire. As the sleet hit the already frozen wire, the sleet would just freeze as it hit, making individual icicles that stood upright instead of hanging down from the wire. Weird.

I had to worry about our 2 yr. Old buck, Nico. He liked to take hold of the woven fence and bite the ice off for fun. I kept warm water handy up at the house to charge down to throw on his tongue if his tongue ever did come in contact with that cold, cold wire. I would have had a buck with his tongue stuck to the metal, hollering bloody murder.

Then trying to walk on snow, sleet, ice, and snow, sleet, ice. The animals would walk on top of the snow because of the freezing, even if there were ten inches of snow or more on the ground. There you saw then moving along quite easily over the frozen snow. But, not so Lee and me.

All of our weight concentrates in that one foot we put down at a time. So, we would take a step, stand for a second, and then fall through the iced snow. Take another step, hold it for a second until we move the next foot to take a step and fall through the iced snow again. It was very jarring and it made for some weird walking. Almost jaunty looking, except for the whiplash you felt as you fell through the frozen snow and snapped your neck suddenly. By the end of the day, you were sore all over from that snappy, jaunty walk through the iced snow.

But, after itís all said and done, looking back on it reminiscing, it was truly a terrible time. No fond memories here of almost breaking your foot as you try to kick the ice out of water buckets. No fond memories of frozen face, hands, feet. No fond memories of carry a ton of hay to bed down all the animals to keep them warmer. Except maybe, that we did it and we did it victoriously. No animals suffered during the artic freeze and the winter storm of the century. Now if only someone could just help me stand up, please. Iíve lost my footing in the icy snow and sat down suddenly. With all these clothes on I canít seem to get back up.

THE END

 

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