Finally ... a doctor who gives useful health and nutrition advice!
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it.... Don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer. That would be like saying you
can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live
longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than
an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need
grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green
leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended
daily allowance of vegetable slop.
Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As
we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three
categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and
wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only
leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy
your liquid vegetables.
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to
one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc..
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: no
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad
Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? Hello..... Cocoa beans.... Another vegetable!!!
"It's the best feel good food around!"
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets. Have a cookie... Flour is a veggie! One more
thing, "When life hands you lemons, ask for a bottle of tequila and