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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEARíS RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NOÖ
ZAPPED!
THE WINDY TAX
by
Connie S. Reynolds
autumnfarmsboers.com
Connie Reynolds
Autumn Farm
Ravenswood, WV

Iím not a political person. Iím too busy trying to keep up with my goats. It really takes something unusual to catch my attention in the political arena and finally something has. It almost blew right past me before I caught a whiff of something strange happening out there in the world. Itís New Zealandís Flatulence, er, Windy tax that they are trying to hit their farmers with. Not that itís going to be put on the farmers, but on their livestock.

Iíve always been an admirer of New Zealandís cost effective ways of raising goats. They are able to raise goats on pasture and then be able to afford to ship this product to different countries and make a tidy profit. Most commercial goat growers in the US have problems breaking even just hauling their goats 2-4 hrs. down the road to the nearest sale. But, the winds of change may halt this New Zealand efficiency, if their government has anything to say about it.

Itís something called the Kyoto Protocol Treaty that New Zealandís government has whole heartedly signed their country into. This treaty is to stop that hole in our ozone layer from getting bigger. Of course, many other scientist say there is not a hole in the ozone layer. It is a continuing debate, but many people have jumped on the band wagon hole and have decided to do something about the maybe or maybe not hole. Kyoto simply makes its signed-on countries clean up their air.

Iím betting New Zealand didnít even think it had an air problem. Everyone immediately thinks of industry as the polluter of air. New Zealand is an agriculture country, only four million people, 45 million sheep, 10 million cows and a nice size group of goats and deer. Then someone figured out that one cow could produce enough gas (both from the front & back end of the cow) in one year to drive a car 600 miles. Holy Moley! Tap, tap tap, on the old calculator and it figured that New Zealandís livestock is producing 40% of the problem air of their country. Of course thatís only 1-2 % of what the rest of the European countries and the US produce in nasty air.

Forget about what the developing nations such as China is producing in bad air. It seems the Kyoto Protocol leaves developing nations alone, in spite of the fact China rivals the US in air pollution, plus they have 290 million sheep to the USís 10 million sheep.

So, what is New Zealandís government wanting to try? The Flatulence Tax. Hit the farmer with a tax on all of his belching and windy livestock. This tax would then be used to study the problem of belching and windiness. They can either find a way to harness this great resource or they can find a way to reduce this great resource.

We can either be driving into gas stations that have signs proudly bragging on their "natural organic" gas, or we can control the gassiness of the livestock. I can see farmers over there now buying special harnesses to strap to their livestock with tanks hanging on either side of the animal. The farmer allows the livestock to graze a while and then he slaps a cone shaped thing to the animalís mouth and back end with hoses attached to the tanks and watches the little meter on the animalís harness to see when the tanks are full of "natural gases". When they are full, he hurriedly takes the cones off, let the animals graze some more, switches tanks, and waits for the next round of gas. Sure, why not? What else does a farmer have to do?

So, how about controlling that gassiness. Tests have proven that the cows in England do not produce as much gas as the cows in New Zealand. Supposedly because they are on poorer yet more expensive diets, not like the rich and money wise cheap grasslands New ZealandĎs livestock graze on. Sometimes I wonder about the people who think up these tests. Talk about quirky minds. I always thought a day being a goat farmer can be awfully strange sometimes, but think what kind of day these people are having in their studies. Being a goat farmer is down right tame in comparison.

We can genetically change the animal so he is not windy. ????? Sew up all the holes? Or we can change the animalís diet. Instead of the extremely efficient and cost effective way the farmer is doing it over in New Zealand, weíll just have to think of something entirely more costly to feed the livestock to keep the belching and windiness down. Great idea! Agriculture will go down the tubes and then they can start developing factories over in New Zealand to replace the agricultural community and what a better world it will be then.

Personally, I think they should forget the supposedly gassy livestock. Isnít anyone catching how many people there are over there? Has anyone tested them for their belching and gassiness? Now just think of how many people there are in the world. I bet people far surpass the cow, with the kind of diets we tend to live on. I think we are missing out on a great resource here. Think how easy it would be to train people to save all belches and windiness and store it in containers. I believe I have met, and quickly tried to leave, some people who could be considered extremely valuable - the super windy person, especially after feeding them a bean dinner or giving them fresh fruit.

Just think, your family alone might produce enough "natural" gas to heat your house, run the car, run the lights and computer. Hey, maybe produce enough to sell and receive a check every month. Forget about solar power, forget about windy livestock, I think we are on to something now. Where are those people who do studies? I need to talk to one. Oh, yeah, and forget about the Tums. You might be destroying a valuable resource.

THE END

 

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