Raiders of the Found Dumpsters, Dumpster Hunter, The Dumpster, Dumpster Quest, I think you are starting to get the picture that this story is about dumpsters. Not so fast. This story is about what goats can make you do for them. Things you would have never thought in a million years you would be doing.

For example, at the beginning of your life, did you ever think you would find yourself with a headlock on a goat, worming it? Or, possibly the goat worming you. Been there, done that. How about this one, did you ever picture yourself helping a doe during kidding? Your hand up her behind, almost elbow deep, straightening out a little kid's leg so he could come out?

This is what I'm talking about, goats can get you to do the strangest thing. Take this past Sunday, Lee and I have just been to church and we're all decked out in our Sunday duds and we drive by the new Dollar Store that has just opened. We spy a dumpster at the side of the new store and it's full of painted heavy wire rack shelving, four foot tall, three foot wide, spacings of the heavy wires about 3 x 4 inches. Absolutely gorgeous goat panels that they are going to just throw away!!

And, what does a good goat farmer do? Why, go and ask the clerks if they can have what's in the dumpster. And, who is the one who is always elected to go and ask for something, why the ol' big mouth herself, me. As soon as I tell people I'm a farmer and ask for something, I'm given immediate permission. You've just got to learn to not say you are a goat farmer, because then they think you are just clowning around. Because, who in their right mind is a goat farmer? So, you learn to introduce yourself in the broader term of just farmer.

The kind clerk was happy to let us have all that wonderful goat panels, er, wire racks. So picture me and Lee backing the van up to the dumpsters (and people wonder why we insist on buying vans when there's just the two of us), getting out in our Sunday Go To Meeting clothes and climbing on that dumpster. And, it wasn't one of those little sissy single dumpsters, it was huge, at least three or four dumpsters long and over six foot tall.

Fortunately, I had my fancy little sandals on that day and was able to get good toe holds to shinny up that dumpster, reach over and start dragging those wonderful future goat panels out. Lee had found a type of ledge to stand on and was able to bend over and pull the goat panels out. We stuffed that van full and fussed at ourselves that we hadn't brought the farm truck to town to go to church. Oh no, we had to put on airs that day and drive the new van. But, boy, did we get some nice goat panels out of that dumpster anyway.

And, were we worried about what people thought seeing two people in their Sunday duds scurrying around on the dumpster, afraid that they might recognize us? Are you crazy? Do you know how much goat panels cost? And here we were getting them free!! Man, where's a camera? I want a picture of this.

I get such a warm fuzzy feeling thinking of last Sunday and the dumpster raid. Now this is what goats can do to you. Did you ever think at the beginning of your life that you would be thrilled to climb around on a dumpster? Goats can make you do other things that you didn't think you were capable of before.

What about taking a goat's temperature? It sounds easy, but they don't have an arm pit to put the thermometer and you can't stick the thermometer in their mouth because they might bite it in two. You can't lay it against their foreheads and get much of a reading, so where else? You guessed it, you stick it in their posterior. And, they are about as excited about this as you are.

You say, "So, what? What's the big deal?" Have you ever tried this? The goat actually camouflages the hole you are suppose to stick it in. Notice that? I had to have Lee hold the goat the first time I tried taking a temp (that's the goat professional term for temperature, makes people think you know what you are doing) and I had to get a flashlight to study the situation out, and it took so long I had to get a bucket to sit on while I considered my options.

My better half, my ever patient spouse stood there holding the goat kept saying encouraging things like, "Did you fall asleep? What's going on back there?" while I patiently kept making stabs at folds of skin I thought might be the hole. Consequently, I kept goosing the goat which then kept trying to run over Lee.

The important hole to put the thermometer is not at the very base of the tail as you would think. It's just a little below and it looks all puckered. In the center of that pucker is the hole to put the thermometer. That puckered hole can really stretch out and look perfectly gross when the goat poo's. I know. I sat back there long enough to see this.

See what goats get you to do? Your herd of goats can even sweet talk you into feeding them a bucket of grain. They stand there with their soulful eyes, baaing sweet things to you, begging you for their favorite treat of grain, and you go "Okay, my little darlings, I'll get you some." And, when you step out the gate into the field with a bucket of grain, why, it's like a bunch of Piranhas or starved sharks all over you. Basically you get mugged by your own goats. Or, maybe that is bucketed by your own goats. Whatever. Bet at the beginning of your life you never thought that would have happened to you, getting bucketed. Goats can get you to do the strangest things.

Hmmmm, it looks like in the paper someone is wanting large garage doors hauled away. That would make good sides for a goat shed. Let's see here, someone else has free patio doors for hauling away. Turned sideways, one door would make good upper windows on a goat barn to let in light. Someone else has mismatched color steel roofing for hauling away. Why, right here is a good goat shed for free. Got to go get the truck. Have to get this before another goat farmer sees these neat treasures. See, what I mean what goats will do to you? Where's my keys? Where's Lee? Wait till he hears this, he's going to be so thrilled.