Tap, tap, tap, tap. "Attention, students. Your phone class on how to call and ask about goats is about to start. Everyone take their seats and make sure you have a phone lying on top your desk. I know you all are adults and you already know how to dial a phone and ask questions, but this class will teach you how to get the most out of your conversation to learn about the goats you are interested in."
"What is it, Mabel? Where’s the cell phones? No, we are going to use the civilized phone, not those tiny cell phones that are barely long enough to cover your ear. And, did you ever wonder about that? There’s no mouth piece close to your mouth! How are people going to hear you? Personally, I shout when I am using the cell phone in order that the person on the other end can really hear me. You might want to write that down as a helpful hint when you do use a cell phone."
"Okay, did everyone bring a newspaper or ad paper of some kind so we can look for goat ads? What is it, Henry? Oh, you brought five papers in case someone forgot. Good for you, Henry. Anyone that has forgot their paper, speak to Henry. You all have your paper to write on and a pen? What, Henry? Okay, Henry has extras if anyone needs any writing paper or pens."
"Someone read a goat ad to the class, please. Yes, yes, Frank, go ahead. Did you all hear that? Frank’s ad said, ’Disbudded weanling wether, Boer Nubian cross, Jan. kid, wormed, shots, great for fair project, correct color, $75.’ Okay, what would be our first question to ourselves on this ad before we would ever call?"
"No, Mabel, it’s not, ’What on earth, did I just read.’ It should be, do I need this type of goat. And, yes, Frank, this is a goat they are advertising. What’s disbudded? No, a goat doesn’t have buds like a tree, but they have horn buds and these have been removed so they will not grow horns. Remember, they are selling this for a fair project and most fairs do not allow horns on their fair projects. A fair? You all have never been to the county fair? Oh, some of you have, well these county fairs has shows that a two legged kid can show animals they have raised."
"That’s right, when they say for a fair project, they don’t mean it’s just a fairly nice goat. So, when you call, you do not ask if they will take less since it’s only a fairly nice goat and not the best they have."
"What’s that, Henry? What’s a weanling whether? That last word is pronounced like the word ’weather’. Weanling means he’s been weaned from his mommy and wether means he has been castrated."
"No, it’s not cruel, Henry. Quit taking it personal. Have any of you been around a buck? Very funny, Frank, you’ve been around five bucks. Har. Har. We are not talking dollar bills here. And, if someone advertises a buck for sale, do not call up and ask if they will take less then a dollar for him. A buck is what is known in some areas as a billy, an intact male. Intact males tend to be smelly and many as they get older get aggressive and this is not what you want a little two legged kid showing at the county fair. And, yes, I am talking about goats, so you guys quit protesting. Don‘t get rowdy in here because I have my hot shot in my purse. Yes, Mabel, that‘s why I carry a three foot long purse."
"What’s a boring Nubian? No, no, they are describing a mixture of two breeds. This weaned wether is a mix of Nubian and Boer and if you like that mix and need a fair project, this would be a good one to call. No, Frank, it hasn’t been shot full of worms. The ad is saying that it has had it’s vaccinations and he has been dosed with a worming medicine to get rid of the worms, not give him the worms."
"You think they are being extremely prejudice in saying he is the correct color? All they are saying is that he has a red head, white body. That is known as the correct color for a Boer and do not call up and threaten these people with a lawsuit for being prejudice, they are just describing the kid. And, no, Mabel, most people do not accept credit cards when you go to buy their goats. They prefer cash or a cashier check."
"And, Henry, just because you have to work tomorrow, doesn’t give you the right to request that the people bring the goat to you so you can see if you want it when you get home. It is your responsibility to go look at the goat. Why? Well, if you have something for sale, like a TV or a computer, are you planning on loading it up and running it to whoever calls so they can look it over? That‘s not the way it‘s done."
"What, Frank? You want to debate this color correctness idea? Well, would you look at the time! Looks like our class is finished for the day. Next week don’t forget to bring your ads, your phones, and we’ll discuss other goat advertisements and do some pretend calling. I’m sure we’ll all look forwards to that. Class dismissed."