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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEARíS RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NOÖ
ZAPPED!
SUNSCREEN, SAWDUST, & SUN ROOFS
by
Connie S. Reynolds
autumnfarmsboers.com
Connie Reynolds
Autumn Farm
Ravenswood, WV

Yes, itís time to discuss the three Sís that many goat farmers have to deal with: sunscreen, sawdust, & sun roofs. Letís take them in order: to stay a happy, healthy goat farmer, sunscreen is vitally important. We goat farmers are constantly outside in the sun. After years of having to have precancerous sun boo-booís taken off my face, I have finally discovered sunscreens. Much to my surprise, not all sunscreens are made alike. You have lotions, creams, gels, water proof, water based, oil based, and who knows what based sunscreens to pick from out there. But, when you go to the SPF 30 to 50 degree protection they have two common results when you put them on, you turn white instantly and then greasy looking in the next instance.

The first time I tried a SPF 30 - okay, first tell me, what exactly does SPF mean? Sputtering Put-out Farmer, after seeing yourself with sunscreen on? Anyway, I digress. The first time I tried SPF 30, I thought I had put on white paint by mistake. It looked like I had white washed myself. I thought, no wonder it protects you from the sun, you just applied white paint to your face.

After a few minutes it started blending in and you didnít look totally painted white, but you did look like youíd seen a ghost or were severely anemic. You sort of looked like... Michael Jackson. Like someone had sucked out all your healthy color. Either after you got use to that look, or it actually did blend into your skin tone, you next looked greasy. You had a definite shine to your face. Basically, you look pale and very shiny, but protected from the sunís radiation. This must be how it bounces the sunís radiation off your face.

Next you trot down to the barn, feeling very protected from the sunís radiation, ignoring the stares of motorist looking at a pale, greasy person, and you discover you need fresh sawdust for bedding down the barn. We use sawdust a lot for goats and horses. The only time we donít use sawdust is when a goat is kidding. It tends to be very messy then and we switch to hay for bedding at that time.

Once I watched a documentary of people raising giraffes. They had watched a wild giraffe give birth and she dropped the baby on its head in the sand. So, they figured that must be the way of all giraffes. They carefully fixed up huge stalls for giraffes to have their babies in and then heavily bedded it in sand. They said one thing they noticed was that giraffes never clean their babies like other animals, licking them clean after birth.

No wonder. They showed one of their giraffes having a baby, she stood, grunted, dropped the baby in the sandy stall, the baby rolled around trying to get out of itís placenta, then rolled around trying to get up. After all that rolling, the baby was totally covered in sand. It looked like a sticky sandy mess. No wonder the mother wouldnít lick it clean. Itís surprising the mother even accepted it. She just stood there and waited for it to find her and nurse, giving it no help whatsoever.

I couldnít help but think if they had only used straw or hay bedding that maybe that mom giraffe would have licked her baby and helped it along. And, maybe that one giraffe in the wild was trying to get out of the sandy area to find a grassy spot to give birth and just didnít make it in time.

Back to the barn. Realizing I badly needed sawdust, I called my favorite sawdust place. This place has absolutely the best people in the world and I have been getting my sawdust there 13 years. They treat me like family, ignoring the fact that I come in pretty much smelling like a barn. They said they can fix me up with a load.

I quickly arrive with my truck and sawdust racks. At this place they blow the sawdust into your truck, using a long pipe from the sawdust bin. Itís dusty work, but not too bad. Usually you just move the truck back and forth until you fill up the whole bed, throw a tarp over the racks, and you are ready to go. You just shake your head to knock the dust out of your hair and brush your clothes off a little and thatís it.

But, today I had sunscreen on. Anything light sticks to sunscreen, bugs, sand, moths, sawdust. I looked like the original sawdust farmer. Good grief. No amount of dusting would move the sawdust from the sunscreen. I gave up and decided to head home, hoping I could wash the sawdust from my face, but wondering since I had used waterproof sunscreen, if I would have to get a squeegee to scrape the sawdust from my face.

Heading down the road, in deep thought about this, I noticed a car racing towards me in the other lane. It was full of laughing, happy people, sun roof opened up to the world, worshiping that wonderful sun. If anyone has ever gotten a load of sawdust the way I get it, you usually get sawdust on the edges of the truck bed, between the cab and the bed, and it just blows away the first few minutes as you drive. You look like a dust cloud moving along for just a bit.

Those happy, laughing people went flying past me, through my sawdust cloud, and for a minute we were one, the sawdust covered farmer and the fancy car and not so laughing people now. Sawdust swished and settled in their car through that sun roof. I heard several yells and "What on Earth!" and figured they must have had sunscreen on too.

So, if you are heading down the road and see a sawdust cloud coming your way, remember, shut the windows and sun roofs, and realize itís just an honest, hard working goat farmer, wearing sunscreen, caked in sawdust, trying to get home to get her work done.

THE END

 

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