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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEARíS RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NOÖ
ZAPPED!
WHATíD YOU SAY?
by
Connie S. Reynolds
autumnfarmsboers.com
Connie Reynolds
Autumn Farm
Ravenswood, WV

ANYONE WHO OWNS GOATS FOR A WHILE HAS A GOOD CHANCE OF GETTING HARD OF HEARING. Oooops. Sorry. Didnít mean to shout at you. I forgot we were inside. But, itís true. Goat farmers have an excellent chance of becoming hard of hearing, all because of their beloved goats. I noticed this the other day as Lee and I were having a pleasant shouting conversation outside while feeding the goats.

The goats were hollering to be fed, all in different fields, screeching at the top of their lungs, "HEY! IíM OVER HERE! DONíT FORGET TO FEED ME! WHAT! YOU ARE FEEDING THEM FIRST?! I CANíT BELIEVE IT! I THOUGHT I WAS YOUR FAVORITE!" And, when you get 5 to 100 of them or more screaming at you in this fashion, well, kiss those ear drums good-bye.

I have to tell you, I believe our neighbors are saints. We never get one complaint about all the hollering going on over at our place. Not only are the goats hollering, giving their opinions on everything going on, but Lee and I are hollering to be heard over the goats. The neighbors are constantly hearing quite clearly things like, "LEE!! IíVE GOT A COUPLE OF RUNNY BOTTOMS OVER HERE. I NEED YOU TO HOLD THEM!"

Our neighbors, not being goat farmers, would have no way of knowing the translation of the above sentences. Sometimes goats get diarrhea (runny bottoms) and that usually means worms. They need to be wormed. I need Lee to hold the goat quiet so I can worm it, plus I also give it a Fortified B shot (around 4 cc or more) under the skin to help with stress and fight any goat polio that might occur, because of the diarrhea messing the goatsí rumen up and messing up its ability to produce the B vitamins. This works for us. Our neighbors, not being goat farmers, probably are imagining Lee cupping his hands around bottoms that are runny, for some odd goat farmer reason. Or, maybe they try not to think about it at all and cover their childrenís ears when they hear us shouting next door. After all, you never know what those crazy goat farmers are going to be shouting next.

Not only is the goatsí hollering and your hollering hard on the ear drums, but itís hard on sensitive souls who do not want to be noticed. Not naming names, but Lee has a hard time yelling. It greatly embarrasses him. Me, on the other hand have no problems whooping and hollering. Iím use to it as another form of social communication.

It think I recognized this great form of communicating years ago when I would visit my Momma and Granddad in the real mountains of West Virginia. It was so straight up and down there a lot of the homes were built on stilts. The back part of the house wedged into the mountain and the front part built on stilts, hanging out over the mountain and a deep holler running between mountains. Homes were built all over the mountains this way and it almost seemed you were within arm reach or a rock toss to touch the house across the holler from you. Of course by the time you walked down the mountain, crossed the creek at the base of the holler, and climbed up to your neighborís house that was almost sitting in your face from your house, it would take an hour or more.

So, hollering to your neighbors was very acceptable instead of doing all that walking for a short chat. Sure they had phones back then, but it was on a party line. Five or six people could be on one party line, each with their own rings so they know itís for them to pick up, and the party line was always busy. Two people would be chatting along and several people would have picked up to listen to what you all were talking about. The party line was constantly busy. But, if you had an emergency you could butt in on the conversation, such as, "Ruth, get off the phone. Iíve got to call Doc and get him out here. Elmer has cut off his toe with the axe. Iíve got coal tar on it so that should hold him until Doc gets here." Back then, doctors made house calls, and coal tar for medicinal purposes was king.

So, hollering was very acceptable for gossiping with the neighbors, yelling across the hollers to that, straight as a crow flies, close neighbor. Thatís why they call this form of communication, "hollering."

So, after coming back from the barn where the goats have been hollering at you and you are having to holler to each other as you feed or work with the goats, you think your poor olí ears can get a rest at the house. Oh, I should point out that you are hollering TO each other, not AT each other. Big difference. Hollering TO means you are holding a productive conversation and getting the chores done efficiently. Hollering AT each other is never productive and gets in the way of goat farming efficiently. Just wanted to clear the air about hollering. And, as I was saying, your poor olí ears do not get a rest at the house. Not if you have baby monitors up connecting the barn to the house.

Why on earth would anyone who wants to rest their ear drums do that? Kidding time. It helps catch those does who have waited for you to leave to start kidding, and/or you get to hear new born babies cry and get yourself down to the barn as quick as possible. Thatís the up side. The down side is the goats can continue to holler at you. I honestly believe they know those monitors are on and they line up to yell and give you a piece of their mind on what they think of your care taking.

Four oíclock one morning, all the girls in the kidding stalls joined in a chorus of, "We Want To Be Fed NOW!!" Lee and I both hit the door running, ears vibrating from the insistent yells, thinking that every single one of them had decided to kid all at the same time, only to find them looking smugly at us when we got to the barn.

So, goat farmers, rest your ears when you can. No telling how long youíll have them.

THE END

 

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