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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEARíS RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NOÖ
ZAPPED!
RECORD KEEPING
by
Connie S. Reynolds
autumnfarmsboers.com
Connie Reynolds
Autumn Farm
Ravenswood, WV

A goat farmer needs to learn to keep records. No, not those flat, plastic, pancake discs that you play on a turn table. Oh dear, showing my age. Now Iím going to have to explain "turn table" and "records" with music on them. In one story, people wanted to know what a "party line" was. Think of records as absolutely huge CDís with music on them and with that hole still in the center. They came in sizes of large dinner plates (though not as thick) and dessert plates (large saucers). Originally the records were breakable, made out of ...? Anyway, they could break. The plastic ones that came out later were not so breakable but sure could warp if you didnít lay them flat when you stored them.

Iíve had many a record, that Iím sure was my siblings fault since I always put everything correctly in itís place (hopefully, mom wonĎt be reading this, or my siblings), that was so warped that the needle on the turn table went on a wild ride every time I played it. I think this was where the idea for all those amusement rides came from.

The turn table was also made up of a big flat disc with a thin rounded "pole" in the center, some had an indent in the pole. This big flat disc turned around and around in circles, depending on the speed of the record you were playing. Some records were 45ís and higher, some had lower numbers, and all these were for different speeds that the turn table would turn. If you are still scratching your head, think of your microwave with a turn table in it, slowly turning your food around. I bet this idea came from the record turn table. Clear as mud, Iím sure.

The notches in that pole in the center of the turn table was for stacking records on to play one at a time. After one played, another record would drop down to play. A little arm thingy sat down on top of all those records to hold them in place. Another arm thingy (hope Iím not getting too technical) with a "needle" on it would actually work on itís own or you picked it up and placed it on the rotating record and Voila! Sound came out through the speakers of the record player or stereo. You could buy needles for your record player that were diamond tipped to last a long time or just regular olí needles that got dull fast and could start scratching your records.

Once a scratch got on that record, well, forget it. You would be playing your favorite record and suddenly it would hiccup and play that spot over, hiccup again, play that spot over, hiccup again and... well, you get the idea. Your record was ruined. A scratched record was usually caused by you learning how to bounce and boogie to your favorite tune, jumping up and down shaking all the furniture in that room, and also scratching your record in the process. Bummer.

Then the "floating arm" came out on newer record players, where a sudden jar of the record player, the arm would gently bounce up and gently bounce back down on the record, not scratching it, now that was real progress. But, dances back then were a great deal more exercise then they are now. More jumping up and down, body slams to the floor, leaping and kicking, and this was dancing by yourself. Wait until you got into a group. So you could still scratch your favorite record with your violent gyrations. To this day I blame my arthritis on my talented dancing back then. I would have been a professional if they could have kept up with me with a camera.

So, now thatís cleared up, back to goat record keeping with no music involved, unless you hum a lot. My favorite record keeper is a calendar. Not just any olí calendar, but at least a 10 X 12 inch calendar that folds out larger to show you the pretty picture at the top (I like cute animals) with large blocks around each number and the number in bold black print.

These calendars are strategically placed around the house. One calendar I put down heat cycles of the does, what buck they are in with, and when bred. After they are bred, wait a month to see if they come back in heat, and then when they are taken away from the buck. I then count days and mark when itís two to three weeks before they kid to give them a CD & T shot and an extra worming. I mark when they hit 145 days and put them in their kidding stall. Then mark 150 days when itís getting extremely serious that they will kid. They can kid anywhere from 145 days to 155 days. They keep surprising you.

Since we kid mainly in Jan., I donít like surprises and frozen kid popsicles. At 145 days, the girls go into protective kidding stalls with baby monitors nearby and a schedule for us to check them every so many hours.

That calendar is also used to mark when the girls kid and what they have. Then itís marked when the kids are 7 days old and we disbud and tattoo. This calendar is also marked when the kids are due their first CD & T shot and worming one month later. Also the follow-up booster 22-28 days and their second worming. So, this calendar is my breeding, kidding, and kid shot/worming calendar. I can walk by at any time and see what I am to be doing that day or next day or next week.

The next calendar is my health calendar for the older goats. All their shots, wormings, when they are due these and what, and if they got sick and what I gave and for how long.

Another calendar is for my sale calendar. I mark down the day I sell a goat, for how much and who to. I also have a receipt book for sales as a back up and to give the buyer a receipt. My record keeping calendars are placed in the places Iím at the most, the kitchen and the living room. Also a calendar for buying goat related products could be added.

Lee thought that after all these years I should be more professional and he bought me an expensive computer goat records program that did everything. I mean everything. Iím sure if I could figure it out, it would even go out and do my feeding for me. But, unfortunately, I am computer illiterate. Just setting down to that computer program took my breath away. I felt a panic attack coming on. Iím sure the computer felt the same. It didnít know what I was going to do to it next. So, I quietly ignore the goat record computer program. When Lee asks how Iím doing with it, I say you learn it and then teach me. Usually he hurries out of the room. I donít blame him. Thatís what I do when I think I should learn it.

So, Iím constantly in search of that perfect calendar with room for my scribbles. I use to find them free at our bank, but lately all Iíve been getting is this tiny, plastic hand held calendar. Now, how can I write on that? I usually pester friends who are at other banks and they will pass on an acceptable calendar to me. Or, at some stores that give out calendars. And, if forced into it, I actually buy one every now and then.

Give me a good calendar, a favorite gel pen, and my goatsí care runs like clock work around here. But, sit me in front of a computer program for goat records, and youíll find a person with a paper bag over her head, hyperventilating. I know, I know, itís suppose to be over my mouth, but how can I hold it and type?

THE END

 

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