I was thinking about contacting the Kleenex company or possibly Puffs about a new line of tissues that would sell like hot cakes, called Goat Kleenex or Goat Puffs. But, then I realized that the goats already had that covered. They have us to wipe themselves off on and they don’t need any tissues.

I don’t know how many times I have gone outside to do something simple with the goats and I come back into the house looking like a herd of goats had ran over me. Well, sometimes they have, but that’s beside the point.

Not only do the goats use me and Lee as their own personal walking Kleenex, but they use my customers too. All humans are fair game. Take the other day, a very nice family came to purchase a doe for their daughter. There was a lot of goats to look at and choose from and the family just couldn’t make up their minds.

One of the does had been busily grazing nearby and must have run her nose through something distasteful because she suddenly snorted loudly, trying to get the scent or the thing off her nose. She snorted a couple more times and she still wasn’t satisfied. So, she walks over to the twelve year old girl, who had shorts on, and very vigorously wipes her nose off on the girl’s leg. Snorts again, wipes her nose off on the girl’s leg again and was satisfied that whatever was on there was now off her nose.

I thought, oh brother, did you blow a chance at a good home. The girl burst out laughing and said she wanted the doe that had just cleaned her nose off on her. Go figure.

Maybe I’ve trained the goats to be that way, I don’t know. If I see one with a snotty nose, I immediately get a Kleenex and wipe it’s nose and take the goat’s temperature. So now, they probably think, "Might as well get this over with," and they come over and wipe their nose on my pant leg.

If the baby goats get muddy feet, what’s the first thing they do when they see me? Run over and jump off my leg, leaving muddy little hoof prints all over my pants. Or, rear up with their muddy little feet and plant them on me and stay there until I pet them. And if they have ran through mud and poo, they particularly like to hunt me down to wipe their feet off.

I can just see them all now, standing around going, "Yuck! What did I just step in?!" Or, "Oh, no, I just ran my nose through something nasty." Or, "Hey! Is my nose dripping? Where’s Connie? Hey, Connie, come here! I need to wipe something off on you!"

It doesn’t stop there. The other day Lee noticed one of the yearlings with diarrhea. He had hurt his shoulder the day before and couldn’t catch her. So, we put out some grain, the herd of yearlings came charging in and I walked among them and caught her. Lee came out with the wormer, the Fortified B, and the Tylosin we like to give orally to diarrhea goats and he dosed her while I held her.

When it was all over, I turned her loose. Instead of shooting away, she carefully turned herself around, wiping her behind very thoroughly on my pant leg. She did a good job, too. She walked away looking quite clean and respectable and I had one huge wet stain up and down my pant leg.

And, it’s usually about this time customers will drop by to visit and look over the goats. I’m trying to think when was the last time I actually had on clean clothes when customers dropped by. Nope, can’t think of a time. I may have walked out that morning with clean clothes on, but the goats have usually got to me before the customers show up.

So, getting in touch with the Kleenex company about Goat Kleenex is out, the goats have us to wipe on. What about detergents? Now, there’s a thought, Goat Tide, Goat Whisk, Goat All. Me and the goats could be their spokespersons. I could just stand there, the goats do their thing of wiping off on me, and then we wash the clothes in Goat Tide. Hmmmmmm Now where’s my pen? I’ve got some letter writing to do. Maybe send them a sample of what goats can wipe off on you. I’ve got a whole clothes hamper full of that. I hope I haven’t thrown those pants away with the goat diarrhea on them.