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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
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I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
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KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
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M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEARíS RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
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THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
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THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
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THURSDAY, THURSDAY
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TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
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UGH DAYS
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WEE GOAT FARMERS
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WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
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WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NOÖ
ZAPPED!
GOATS RULE
by
Connie S. Reynolds
autumnfarmboers.com
Ravenswood, WV

Oddly enough, with this last kidding season I wasnít expecting to deal with torpedoes and tidal waves. It all started with the first timers. You know first timers, those young does who kid for the very first time. Itís a whole new world when you deal with first time kidders. Iíve written about it before, but itís still an eye opener when you deal with them each kidding season.

We always have anywhere from a few to a lot of first time kidders each and every time we kid. And, you have to keep reminding yourself to keep a little closer watch on them. Iím considering plastering a big star on the door of each kidding stall to remind me this is a first timer, because lack of sleep during kidding time can make you forget.

Some first time kidders can actually act like old pros, whereas some are totally clueless when itís time to kid. One girl stood and hollered all day, while eating hay, until she finally kidded that night. Another ground her teeth. Loudly. Where you could hear it plainly over the baby monitors, all afternoon. That just about drove me nuts, or nuttier. Horrible sound the grinding of teeth.

Another girl frantically paced her stall, looking hysterical all afternoon, unless I came in and sat down on a bucket to be with her. Then she settled and honest to goodness laid her head in my lap and kept it there, mournfully looking up at me. She stayed that way until she kidded. Standing, head in my lap, dropping each kid on its head. When I would rush around her to dry the kidís head off, she would turn and look surprised at what had been put behind her and then helped me clean each kid up. When the pains hit again, I kept the kid at my feet while she once again laid her head in my lap and dropped another kid on its head. She ended up being an excellent mother, a little confused at the beginning, but excellent afterwards.

One favorite thing a first time kidder likes to do is to kid and then run off to the corner of the stall and stare in complete horror at the wet bundle left behind. You always wonder if they will come back. Most the time, when the kid letís out a cry, they either rush back to the wet bundle or sneak up on it and start tentatively licking it. Iím always greatly relieved when they come back.

One doe went screaming around the stall when the head of her kid came out. He was kidded on the fly. When she stumbled over him on her second trip flying around the stall, she stopped and licked him clean and then went flying around the stall again until she had the second one on the fly. Once again stopping to lick that one clean. She ended up being an excellent mother and a very knowing second time kidder the following season, calmly lying down to have her kids.

One first time doe calmly had her kids, but when she got back up to lick them, she just couldnít do it. She licked the air all around them, about an inch above the little bodies. When her tongue accidentally touched them, she looked like she was going to gag. I finally had to break down and thoroughly towel them for her and then she was quite happy. They were no longer slimy.

This year two things happened I had never had happened in 13 years of kidding, torpedoes and tidal waves and all with first time kidders. I am really starting to love those older does with all the kidding experience. In fact one selling point people ask, who have gone through kidding before, is has the doe kidded before. Itís not just to prove the doe is fertile, but that they wonít have to go through a first time kidding with this doe. I fully understand. I love those older experienced does, too.

I know I told you all about one first time thing that happened last year that had never happened to us before, a doe pushed during contractions and two kid heads came out and they both were looking around at their new surroundings. No legs or feet in sight, just two heads looking out of the behind end of a doe. Lee and I both almost passed out. How were we to deal with this? Fortunately, this doe was an older experienced doe, roomy back there, and she just gave one giant push and pushed both kids out at the same time!!! They felt a little squeezed, but were fine and so was the doe. She was fine enough to pop out a third kid right after.

This year I watched a first time kidder act antsy, pace the stall, investigate every inch of the stall, every blade of hay in the manger, anything to keep from kidding. If she could have backed up and pushed her behind against the wall to keep from kidding, she would have. She didnít understand what was going on and she didnít want anything to do with it. When she felt a pain, she rushed to the manger to eat some hay. This had been going on for quite some time and I knew she had to be close. I was standing directly behind her, behind the kidding stall door.

Suddenly, this huge tidal wave of water came out of her behind. It was like a dam giving way. No little trickle and then getting stronger, it just exploded out of her. She had held it back so long that when it went, it went. I had been running on 2-4 hrs. of sleep a night and must have been slightly sleeping with my eyes open while observing her. Because when that water exploded out of her, I almost climbed to the roof of the barn, I jumped so high. I had visions of needing a life preserver, wondering if I still remembered how to tread water. It sure jerked me awake. Then she gave up and laid down and calmly kidded two beautiful kids, acting like an old pro.

The next first time kidder was doing great, other then standing and dropping the first kid on his head. I still have to admit this is a great way for getting a kid out of sack, a little hard on the kid, but you donít have to worry about him suffocating in a sack. While she was calmly licking that kid clean, she started going into labor with the second. Still standing, she gave a push and I could see a kidís behind coming out. No back feet or legs, just the kidís behind.

I thought, oh no, Iíll have to hurry and work with the contractions and get this kid out fast. Because as soon as that umbilical cord gets squeezed, heís going to take a big breath and if his head is still inside mom, heís going to drown. So, I was rapidly debating with myself whether to push the little rump back in and try to find the hind legs to bring him out or just to grab the little rump and see if the doe was roomy enough to go ahead and take him out bottom first.

In less time then it took to type the above, the first time doe gave a mighty push and shot that kid out of there. I have never seen a kid shot out so fast and so far. He landed a foot or two from mom. Usually the kids slide down momís hind legs and land right at her back feet, not this fellow, he was shot straight out and he immediately got the name of Torpedo.

He almost shot past me. I had visions of keeping a catcherís mitt in my kidding bucket from now on. Mom was very unconcerned about all this and was stilling cleaning the first kid up. I picked up Torpedo and put him beside his brother, who got the original name of Ringo because of a ring around one eye.

Nothing is ever the same, going exactly the same way, when you raise goats. Thatís especially true during kidding season. This season I had no idea weíd be dealing with torpedoes and tidal waves.

THE END

 

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