Once again I find myself late in writing the relatives. I know how they sit on the edge of their chairs, eagerly anticipating hearing about the exciting life we live as goat farmers. I feel so guilty not having wrote sooner, but the excitement and drama we live everyday as goat farmers really takes up so much of my time. So, anyway, taking pencil in hand I will catch up on the farm news and try not to make them feel green with envy with this exhilarating life style.

Dear Favorite Relative,

I really apologize being late on this newsy and exciting letter. But, it’s really probably for the best I don’t write more often. I wouldn’t want to make you feel like your life is so drab compared to the life of a goat farmer. You can’t help it that you probably made the wrong career choice.

Things have been so hectic here! It has been so rainy that it just doubles up on the workload in trying to get things done. Plus, I’ve been seriously considering putting out a line of swim wear for goats. Can you imagine the money that could be made with that?! There are so many possibilities with goats.

But, the rain did stop for a while and some of the farmers were able to get their first cutting hay up. We stopped by to pick up a load of hay last week, with the help of our nephew and his wife and the wife’s brother. Talk about hard workers. I bet I only had to tell them once or twice to speed it up loading the hay, while I was having a good time talking with the hay farmer.

In the middle of loading the hay, I noticed a snake lying on the hay wagon. Wanting to make sure I was right, that it was a snake and not a hay rope, I stood back and tossed rocks at it. My nephew noticed my actions and explained that he had lifted a hay bale down from the top of the load and as he sat it down, he saw that his two hands covered a snake caught in the hay bale. And, that one of his hands covered where the head would have been.

Slowly he had drawn his hand back and saw the head had been cut off by the conditioner. I praised him for acting so calm about the whole thing. He informed me he looked calm on the outside, but inside he had been screaming like a girl. Now, if he had been a goat farmer he would have simply tossed the bale high in the air, exclaiming in a loud, shrill, soprano voice that there was indeed a snake in the bale, and would have high tailed it to the nearest vehicle, dove in through the truck door window, and hid under the dash. This always seems to soothe my nerves when I encounter snakes in the hay bales. After an hour or two, I come out and start loading the hay again. No problem. You see, goat farmers have to be tough.

Speaking of snakes, the other day I was out at the ridge goat barn checking on goats. I walked into the run-in area of the barn and stopped and wished I had my glasses on. In the corner was a black snake that was at least five foot long and that was just it’s tail end.

Being an extremely brave person, as goat farmers tend to be, I snuck up to within two foot of the snake and followed the body, around the corner of the building, searching along the ground for the head to see just how long this snake really was. Attached to the corner of the building is a fence. While I was within a foot of the fence looking at the ground for the continuation of the snake, I noticed that the line of the snake body moved upward through the fence.

There I was, close to the fence, trying to find the snake’s head on the ground and here the upper part of the snake was up on the fence and the head was staring me full in the face. Since I didn’t have a truck to go screaming and diving through the window, I froze. But, only for a second. You know what quick reflexes goat farmers have. Within two seconds I had charged up the hill and stood there panting. I’m sure if I hadn’t been in such great physical condition, being a goat farmer, I would have passed out from the exertion. What I kept wondering about is if the snake knew how silly it looked. It must have gone through some cobwebs somewhere, because the top of it’s head looked like it was wearing a little cobweb hat. But, I opted not to tell it since as a goat farmer, I have way too many pressing things to do.

Yes, mom and dad are doing great. I volunteered to cut their grass for them, because a goat farmer is always considerate, and Lee volunteered to brush hog their nearby lot. Lee was running the tractor and brush hog on one side of the fence and I was on the other, zipping around on the riding lawn tractor, waving at the neighbors that drove by. After doing most the lawn, I noticed that the riding lawn mower was not cutting the grass. That’s when I also noticed that I had forgotton to turn the lawn mower blade on to cut the grass. I guess with the loudness of Lee’s brush hog on one side and me being so busy waving at all the neighbors as I drove around the yard, I just never noticed. But, that’s all right. A goat farmer is always friendly.

Well, I must be going. A goat farmers’ work is never done. If you decide to drop by for a visit, could you make it around the time of the second hay cutting? I would not want to keep all this great goat farming fun all to myself.

Sincerely, Your Goat Farming Relative.