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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEARíS RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NOÖ
ZAPPED!
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID...
by
Connie S. Reynolds
autumnfarmsboers.com
Ravenswood, WV

A little while back Lee had knee surgery and we thought it went pretty well. In six weeks he would be able to run the hills of West Virginia chasing goats, we thought. When Lee went in at the last knee doctor visit, Lee told the doctor what all he had been doing. He had been riding the tractor and going out repairing fence. He had even cut down a few trees for the goats to eat, plus give us some future firewood. Lee did mention that one of the trees had got hung up in another tree and when it fell, it fell towards Lee and Lee had to out run it.

During all this time Lee was explaining that he thought this was some of the light stuff he had been doing to slowly get back into the swing of things on the farm, the doctor stood there gaping like a fish. Before Lee could even finish his entertaining tale of out running a falling tree, that knee doctor went slightly ballistic. He let Lee have it with both barrels. Basically, he wanted to know what was wrong with Lee, didnít he know he had some serious surgery and he was suppose to stay quiet?!!

Now, I was there during the surgery and the first visit back to the doctorís and he never let on how serious the surgery had been in rebuilding Leeís knee. He was a jolly doctor who told Lee to not go back to work, take it easy, and go to physical therapy three times a week. Well, at least Lee did one of those - he went to physical therapy. And, we made sure he didnít get out among the goats so they couldnít run over him and bump into his knee. But, somewhere along the line, the doctor missed the part where we were farmers. He thought Lee was town folk who mainly exercised their brain, not their bodies. The most some do in physical activity is ride around on the riding lawn mower once a week.

After the doctor was through chewing Lee out good, he told him he was to stay quiet another 4 weeks and take care of that knee. Lee calmly let him finish and then asked if he could carry square bales. That went over like a lead balloon. And, is Lee being good and doing exactly what the doctor says now? Letís just say, Iím not admitting nothing.

Anyway, here I am, back alone again with over one hundred head of goats and fortunately, they still mainly think I am harmless. That means I can usually catch and doctor them before they know what happened. I did have two teeny tiny problems though.

It was our breeding season and the nephew came out to help sort the girls and put them with the different bucks. Yes, Lee did handle the gates, but he didnít let the goats bump him. Everyone got sorted and things were going reasonably well. Then, a few days later, I noticed one particular girl with diarrhea and this girl was a really wild doe. She was acting sick, but still fast enough that I couldnít slip up and catch her and in this pasture there was no place to corner her. That afternoon she was looking real bad but still faster then me. By morning I probably could have caught her, but odds are it would have been because she was dead. So something had to be done and done fast.

I decided to put that whole herd in the backyard, buck and all. The goats think itís a special treat to be allowed in the backyard, so in they happily went. I skulked around in the house, peeping out windows, keep an eye on that sick girl. Finally, I saw her decide to bed down beside the back porch. She was still flowing with diarrhea and looking even sicker, but still faster then me. I canít help it that I am slower then a turtle thatís on antihistamines.

I hurriedly got the wormer and the medicines I wanted to use on her because I figured this would be a one time thing, and stuffed my pockets full. Peeking out the window I saw she was still beside the back porch. Without a moments hesitation, I threw the patio door open, leaped off the porch and as she stood up to take off, I snagged a hind leg with my hand and worked forward and bull dogged her down. I was determined. I had her and I wouldnít allow her to die without trying to help cure her and stuff a lot of medicines down her.

Of course, when I did grab that hind leg, she was trying to run like demons were on her tail, she was also squirting diarrhea like crazy all up and down my arm. Now thatís twice this summer Iíve been plastered with diarrhea. Nothing like that has happened to me in over thirteen years with goats and then one summer Iím smacked twice with it. But, I did get her doctored and she was fine by evening, diarrhea gone and feeling great and also faster then ever.

A week later I noticed one of my horned does with diarrhea. Sheís one of the few horned ones I have on the place. We usually take the horns off as babies, unless they come from somewhere else and itís too late to disbud. But, this one was one of my tame ones. What a relief.

She was lying down, napping, with a pool of diarrhea behind her. I got the dewormer and decided to do my usual thing with the young does, to straddle their necks and use my legs as a squeeze chute so both hands would be free for dosing the wormer. She was so relaxed with me standing there, that she didnít bother to get up. I thought, all right. We can do this with her lying down.

I stepped across her and used my ankles like squeeze chutes and started to dose her with wormer. She came awake suddenly and said, "Whatís this?!!" And, with a lunge, stood up and in the process I felt my feet fly up above my head.

I remember looking up at my feet that was above my head while I were still in the air, thinking, "This looks ridiculous." And, my second thought was, "This is going to hurt."

But, thankfully, on the way down I landed on the doeís back as she was making her escape. I then rolled off flat on my back on the hard ground.

Hey, I might be down, but Iím still game and saw that she had taken a dozen steps and had stopped. It seemed I had accidentally knocked the wind out of her. I caught her up in a second and wormed her and then stood and petted her, telling her she was a wonderful doe and we parted close friends.

I still canít help but wonder how she threw me. It was an advanced Judo move for sure. I need to pay more attention to what these goats do out in the pastures out of my sight. When I find the Judo instructor, I need to sell her. But, until then, I see I have a boo-boo on my elbow from the fall and need to get a band-aid. I think I still have some of those dinosaur band-aids left. I just love those. Wished they made Boer band-aids.

THE END

 

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