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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEARíS RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NOÖ
ZAPPED!
TURN LOOSE OF THE KNUCKLE
by
Connie S. Reynolds
autumnfarmsboers.com
Ravenswood, WV

If Iíve said this once Iíve said this a hundred times to my bottle babies over the years, "Turn loose of the knuckle." At some time or the other my hands, and various parts of my clothing, have been mistaken for that beloved bottle and those little kids with that astronomical suction action can latch onto you and you wonder if you will ever get turned loose.

If you have just one bottle kid, or even two, there really isnít much of a problem in keeping them on the right path of grabbing the bottle and not parts of you. As soon as they see you and zero in, you take aim with the bottle and have that nipple in their mouth before they get hold of something else.

I once had a big buck get into the path of two babies and those kids, probably still bleary-eyed from being so young, dove under that buck and thumped him hard enough on the testicles that it sent the buckís sensitive privates flying backwards, between his hind legs and thumping him high on the rump. I never saw a buck run so terrified from two little kids. I was impressed he could run at all. After I chased the kids down and directed them to the bottles they really wanted, the buck was able to calm down, but he stayed away from those kids!

Usually, I fondly call my bottle kids The Friendly Piranhas. Until you stick a bottle in their mouths, especially at feeding time, theyíll just about eat you up. Iíve learned if itís winter time and I have a bunch of bottle kids, I put them in a big stall and section it up with hog panels with so just so many in each section. Itís the amount of kids I can handle bottle feeding at one time.

Some breeders get those feeding buckets with nipples that will feed ten kids at one time, but I always had trouble with that. There was always one or two super suckers in the group that would, with one breath, inhale most the milk, leaving the casual eaters wondering where the milk went. Other breeders tell me to get pint or quart jars and put them in these buckets, and the amount they are suppose to have in each jar, and that way each kid gets what they are suppose to.

Well, knowing my aggressive kids, the super sucker would slurp his down and if Iím not fast enough to stop him, then go around knocking all the other kids off their nipples to get their milk. Then everyone would get so upset and confused and go to the wrong nipples after I get the super suckers out, that no one would ever get the same amount they should each time.

Ah well, knowing me, one of these years I will try the jar method if I have gobs of bottle kids, even if I see possible problems. One thing I have been trying is this four bottle rack with nurser bottles. The bottles that come with this wire rack are large bottles with large nipples (reminds you of a regular baby nipple, maybe a bit larger). Being use to the Pritchard teat nipples, these nipples look huge, but the kids quickly adjust to them. I mean if these kids can latch onto your knees, how big would a nipple have to be to deter them?

The 4 bottle rack is made to hang on the wall. What I do is get the bottles all ready, turn the rack so the bottles will set upright, latch the prepared bottles into the rack, carry the rack down to the barn, and attempt to turn the bottles upside down and hooked to the wall while at least 4 kids are attacking you, the bottle rack, and the wall.

If the kids arenít quick enough to latch on to those big nipples on those bottles, the milk just absolutely flows out. Last kidding I had five little girls use this rack successfully. Four grabbed the bottles in the rack, and one waited for the bottle that was in my pocket. Such polite little girls.

This year I have just three boys from the October kidding on this 4 bottle rack and itís utter chaos at every feeding. The boys are so competitive! Each boy has either one of your knuckles in their mouths or a couple have dove under the bottle rack and come back up, lifting the rack off the wall and onto the floor. Or, they have latched to each others mouths, while the milk is absolutely flooding out of the bottles and all over them, but they donít care, they have to win in the pushing mouth competition.

One boy, if you step into the stall to sort things out with the bottles and boys glued to each others mouths, will actually push his nose so hard on your leg that he yells in anger because it hurts, but he doesnít quit pushing. Every movement of your leg, he goes with it, pushing a dent in your leg and pushing so hard his little nose goes upwards into the shape of a pigís snout.

I finally had to quit using the large bottles with the large nipples that milk could flood out, because my boys were absolutely soaked at each feeding and I had to towel them down. I still think itís the boy competitive thing. They are so busy attacking everything in sight and keeping an eye on each other and trying to whip out each other to grab anything, that they had a milk shower every feeding.

I discovered that the plastic Coke bottles fit nicely into the 4 bottle rack and I could put the Pritchard teat on these bottles and slow down the milk flow so the boys did not get quite as soaked at each feeding. I had to heat the milk up in a bowl and then pour it into the plastic Coke bottles, trust me, donít heat milk in the Coke bottles in the microwave, thatís an experience you can do without.

So, how do I really feel about bottle kids? I love them. After over thirteen years of kidding, they come with the job of being a goat farmer, but I find them a treat. I find myself laughing at them, bawling them out for stealing each otherís bottle, hugging them, and enjoying how friendly they are as they grow up. When customers come to farm, these are the ones that are sold first. Am I trying to get rid of them? No, customers love how friendly the bottle adult is. And, in between times of telling them to turn loose of my knuckles when they are kids, Iím laughing at their cute little up turned faces. No, not planning on getting tired of bottle babies any time soon. I believe I still might have another hundred or so, "Turn loose of the knuckle", still left in me.

THE END

 

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