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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NO…
ZAPPED!
THE COLD IS OUR FRIEND, NOT!
by
Connie S. Reynolds
autumnfarmsboers.com
Ravenswood, WV

From the tip of my frozen nose to the bottoms of my frozen feet, I feel for those goat farmers who live farther north then I do. Even our southern goat farmers can get an artic blast every now and then and I really feel for them because they usually don’t have the layers of warm clothes waiting in storage to get out. All of us northern frozen goat farmers have articles of clothing just meant for those cold times.

Me, I have this coat. Well, it use to look like a coat. It’s original shape is just a memory now. It’s my very favorite winter coat. It covers my hips, going mid thigh, and absolutely loaded with pockets. When I buy a farm coat it has to be long and have pockets everywhere. I am always "packing", ready for anything that might happen on a goat farm. I have eye ointment in the upper left breast pocket, along with permanent magic markers for marking goats, spare needles for shots. The right breast pocket has surgical gloves, walkie talkie for keeping in touch with Lee, digital thermometer. The right bottom front pocket has syringes, winter glove, tissues for me or the goats. The left bottom front pocket has more tissues, another winter glove, some type of spare medicine for the goats, and all the pockets have to have enough room to carry bottles for bottle babies, or room to carry a peanut butter jar that has Albon in it for coccidiosis treatments, if needed at that time. Plus, spare goat collars for catching and restraining goats. Oh! And, my beloved little flashlight that I carry at all times. Northern winter goat farmers find themselves in the dark a lot in the cold winter evenings. Couldn’t do without my flashlight. It is always with me.

Hats. Very important in the northern winters. None of this, "Oh, my, I just can’t mess up my do." business, you’ve got to stay warm and healthy to keep caring for those goats. Get a hat, a nice wooly hat. If need be, get what I call an Elmer Fudd hat with built in ear muffs. Nobody is going to recognize you in that hat, so just go ahead and wear it and stay warm. Me, I love big heavy wooly toboggans. People keep thinking I am talking about sleds here. That’s because they don’t wear hats. I have different weights of wooly toboggans, one for 40 degrees, one for 30 degrees, one for 10 degrees and a pull over ski mask and a wooly toboggan for below 10 degrees Fahrenheit.

For the last couple of days we’ve had a bit of chill to the air. At the morning feeding it was two below zero with a wind-chill of 12 below zero Fahrenheit. This calls for hauling out the heavy duty winter clothes. Many northern farmers buy Carharts, tough farming outfits that can be winter lined to protect against the above mentioned chill. Wonderful clothes, the Carharts, but awfully expensive. Being very cheap, er, budget conscious, I look for spring sales and have bought myself ski pants for $4-5 dollars a pair. Wonderfully warm if you also wear fleecy thick jogging pants under them, which are also $2-4 dollars a pair at the local discount store. With a thick sweatshirt (bought for $2 at the discount store) and wool blend socks bought, where else, for a couple of bucks, you can have a couple of outfits all ready for the cold. Along with the ski mask and wooly toboggan, the what use to look like a coat, ski pants with jogging pants underneath, wooly socks, I’m all set. No one is going to recognize you, so just pile on those clothes to stay warm. Don’t forget the insulated gloves or double lined jersey gloves. And the boots, for this type of cold you have to go wild and get insulted boots or you will never get any work done. I find I can’t walk if I can’t feel my feet.

The neat thing about this below zero Fahrenheit cold is, while you are chopping out the six to ten inches of ice so the goats can get a drink; no silly, we don’t have heated water tanks. There’s no place to plug the things in and I know goats, just to spite you, they would find a way to get to the cord and chew on it and fry themselves. So, for those of us who can’t use a heated watering tank, we call those of you who can use them, wuss’s. Oh, how I wish I could be a wuss.

Anyway, I digress, the great thing about subzero temperatures is when you get splashed while chopping the ice out of the water, the water freezes before it hits you and you don’t get wet! Neat, huh? Of course, you have to watch out if you make a very big splash, a frozen chunk of ice can knock you flat.

Today has been unusually nice. It has topped out to twenty! Feels like a heat wave and you find yourself shedding one or two layers of clothing because you are sweating. The goats are luxuriating in the warmth, everyone is happy.

So when someone tries to tell you that cold weather is beneficial, resist punching them in the eye, but do politely disagree with them. You don’t want them to get by with being so wrong. Tell them you prefer the much warmer temps of fifteen to twenty degrees Fahrenheit yourself.

THE END


 

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