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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEARíS RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NOÖ
ZAPPED!
M.D.
by
Connie S. Reynolds
autumnfarmboers.com
Ravenswood, WV

Has anyone seen the 1987 movie, Princess Bride, directed by Rob Reiner? Itís a delightfully funny fractured fairy tale. In it the hero gets tortured by the villain and dies, well, almost. When friends take the hero to the village wizard (Billy Crystal), the wizard proclaims him as only being mostly dead and is able to save him.

And this brings us to young full blood Snookumís who kidded this year, she had a handsome big boy. This was her second kidding so I really expected at least two kids so I waited around the barn to see if any more would pop out. She acted happy as a lark, not a bit distressed, quite pleased with her son. An hour and a half later and she was still acting the same, I just felt that something wasnít right. She acted fine, son acted fine, but it didnít fit. She really should have had two. It just nagged at me, nothing I could really put my finger on.

So, I asked for Leeís help. I held the doe quiet and Lee gloved up and went in to check. He found a kid stuck to the very back. He carefully got it out and when it came out it looked dead, the way a kid looks when inside too long. The kid was flat looking, eyes open no life showing, and had a dull look to the coat.

Lee sadly said, "Dead." And, then the kid did one gasp.

Lee said, "Itís a dying spasm." And, the kid gasped again.

He quickly started gently pumping her chest and was getting no reaction and handed the dead little thing to me. I picked her up and hung her upside down and gently shook her like a rug to clear out her lungs, pumped her chest gently a few times, no reaction. I walked over to a pile of hay on the stall floor and dropped her flat on it a couple of times, that weakly brought her around.

But, she was oh so weak. The heart was beating, she was slightly breathing, the eyes still werenít blinking. Snookums had been following me around to see what I was doing with her kid. Lee set up a heat lamp because the kid was cold, the inside of her mouth was ice cold. I laid her under it and Snookums started licking her baby as I gently toweled her.

We milked Snookums, getting just enough colostrum and I mixed some dextrose in it to give the kid a sugar hit. Iíve seen grown goats and kids who were terribly sick, perk up after being given an oral dose of dextrose, giving the other medicines a chance to save them.

I gently drenched her with ten ccís of colostrum and dextrose. Not much of a response. Snookums was still working on her little girl. We worked and worked on her and finally I told Lee I didnít think the little thing was going to make it and just to leave it under the heat lamp in Snookumsí care and let it slip away with mom caring and talking to it. This was at ten p.m.

We keep the baby monitors on during kidding and at midnight that night we heard the loud crying of a kid. We were afraid some mother was accidentally standing on her kid. We ran down to the barn and there stood the little kid we thought was going to finish dying, trying to stagger around to nurse. Oddly enough, Snookums was terrified of her kid.

She was use to the kid just quietly lying there. Now the kid was up and screaming and staggering around like she was drunk and chasing her. I held Snookums for the girl to nurse and Snookums went into a frenzy of fear of the kid. She probably thought it was the Night of the Walking Zombie Kid.

I wasnít going to have the kid stepped all over, so declared her as an official bottle kid and took her to the house where she sucked down 3 ounces of colostrum with a dab of dextrose in it. After that feeding she refused anything for the next two days. It was like she suddenly shut down and was determined to die again.

By this time Lee had given her the name of Mostly Dead (M.D.), named after the hero of Princess Bride, who had been mostly dead, but was saved. I kept M.D. in a big Rubber Maid tub in the living room and every two hours would trickle a couple of ccís of colostrum and dextrose down her throat and I slept on the couch at night to get up every two hours to do this.

She was looking worse and worse and more determined then ever to die. At noon on the third day I heard a yell and went to check on her. There the little scrawny thing had stood up and was demanding to be fed. I gave her 4 ounces of colostrum, knowing that supposedly their little stomachís would not absorb colostrumís great stuff after 12 hours or so from birth, but decided it was the richest stuff I had. She wolfed it down and wanted more! Nope, we were going to do this slowly.

Now sheís a boisterous bottle baby, demanding her bottles, bouncing all over the place. Lee asked if she would be brain damaged from being inside mom so long and then not eating or not getting near enough colostrum as most kids.

I seriously asked him how you could tell when a goat was brain damaged?

A good friend, Cathie Keblinger, changed her name for us. Oh, sheís still M.D. but instead of it standing for Mostly Dead, it stands for Mostly Dancing. Now M.D.ís main concerns are her bottles and hoping the big giants will come by and pick her and her other bottle roommate up and love on them.

THE END

 

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