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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEARíS RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NOÖ
ZAPPED!
STICK IT WHERE?
by
Connie S. Reynolds
autumnfarmboers.com
Ravenswood, WV

It occurred to me over the weekend, when I received an email question asking where you put a digital thermometer on a goat, that too often us experienced (old) goat farmers sometimes talk over the heads of brand new goat farmers, expecting them to know exactly what we are saying. Iíve decided to go over some goat terminology so these youngsters in goats will understand what us oldsters are talking about.

Now, if you are as literal minded as I am, these terms can be hard to understand. Example of literal mindedness: itís raining cats and dogs. I would immediately run out to catch a few kittens and possibly a livestock guard dog or two (they are so big, this could be dangerous) as they fell from the sky.

Oh, if you are still wondering where you do stick a digital thermometer on the goat, itís up the rectum. Itís much easier to take a temperature this way instead of trying to convince the goat to hold the thermometer under itís tongue, or in itís armpit. And only the tip of the thermometer needs to be inserted, not the whole thing. The beeper on a digital thermometer is not meant to tell you when it is done because it is deep inside the goat. So, onto goat terminology.

Drenching. When you are told to drench your goat with wormer, no, you do not prepare a bucket of wormer and throw it on the goat. It simply means that the liquid medicine or wormer is to be given orally.

Banding. It does not mean that we all get together in a tight group. On a kid, this is using an elasticator and little rubber bands that you stretch, using the elasticator, to put up over the testicles of a kid in order to castrate him. The idea is that the rubber bands cut off circulation and in several days, the dried up testicles fall off. So, banding does not mean "letís all get together for a good time," or forming a musical group.

Kidding. No, a group of us goat farmers do not get together to tell jokes and josh around with each other. This refers to a doe that is having a baby goat. She is kidding. But, to her, itís no laughing matter. Neither is it for the first time bug eyed goat farmer attending his first kidding.

Got the runs. This is not a curious ailment that causes goats to want to gallop wildly about. This term refers to diarrhea. Diarrhea should always be taken seriously in a goat and usually a good worming or coccidia treatment or both is needed. Be very careful when worming a goat with the runs, they can turn as they leave and squirt out a goodly amount in your direction. You will be surprised at just how hot diarrhea is as it runs down your leg from a direct hit.

Wether. This is a castrated boy goat. If someone says they have six wethers on their place, they are not talking about six different climates on their farm.

Buck. This is an "intact" male goat, sometimes called a Billy. Buck does not mean this animal tends to run around the place bucking like a bronc. When speaking about goats, it does not mean a buck rabbit, or buck deer, or your uncle Buck.

Doe. This is a female goat, sometimes called a Nanny. So having a lot of does means a lot of girl goats, not loaded with bread dough, or money dough, or deer doe, or rabbit does.

Kids for sale. This does not mean you are selling children (two legged variety). Kids are baby goats. Remember the doe and kidding? A doeís babies are called kids, thatís where they get the idea of goat birthing as kidding.

Teats. Now this word causes a lot of embarrassment and red faces. Bucks, wethers, does, kids, all have teats, pronounced "teets", long E. Talking to different breeders you will hear these mammary faucets called tits, tiddies, bag, udder. When in doubt what to call it, call it teats. Less red faces when you are happily talking about your does and their good teats.

Cud. Yes, goats chew a cud just like a cow or any other ruminant (has many stomachs). They go out and browse and pack it full and then stand or lie down and belch up what they have just eaten, re-chew it and send it to another stomach to process. Very efficient in getting the most nutrition possible out of its feed. A couple of warnings though, if you are bending down to say hello to your goat and she belches, the gas fumes that come up from that stomach are enough to take paint off a truck. So, while you are reeling around, trying to catch your breath, remind yourself to be more careful in the future about getting in a goatís face.

Also, if you make the mistake to drench a goat who was just chewing a cud, she just might spit that cud up and drop it on your pantís leg or shoe. The smell of that cud will stay on you for a long time. Years ago, before goat farmers realized they could buy a probiotic paste (used on cows at that time) to get the good bacteria in the rumen working properly after a goat had been sick, they would go out and steal a cud from a healthy goat to shove in the mouth of a sick goat. Watching people attempt this stealing of a cud was far better then watching TV. The goat does not willingly give up a cud. The back teeth of a goat can crack corn, think what it does to fingers. They should have read my above sentence and pretended they were going to drench a cud chewing goat, and she would willingly spit out that cud on your clothes or shoes.

Not wanting to overwhelm the brand new goat owner, I am stopping my goat terminology lesson right there and let them ruminate on it a while. This should help get you started in intelligent conversations with the goat farming oldsters. Though just how intelligent goat oldsters can be is a real guess, if they are like me that spend all day every day following goats about, but at least you will understand what I am babbling about.

THE END

 

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