Anyone been watching the Boer auctions on their computer lately? What a Hoot! I love it! This beats reality television hands down. Why? Well, for once it’s something I am interested in, goats. And, for another thing, you can participate! Sign up and you are allowed to bid, no matter where you are at in the world. Next question would be is how many postage stamps does it take to mail a Boer to you, but we’ll worry about that later.

Of course, in order to participate you have to have a high speed internet connection on your computer. This knocks a lot of us out of the bidding. Yes, in this world of high science speedy technology, there are many of us with the very slow dial up connections that runs through ancient country telephone lines. In other words, click onto your computer, go fix a cup of tea, drink it, use the bathroom, feed the goats, then come back in and see if you actually got onto the internet and if a few of your emails have come through.

But, I can’t complain. It’s better then not being on it at all. Then how would I have seen the dial up version of internet auctions? This is how it goes, you click onto the auction site, check out what auctions are available and when. The first time Lee found the site for me, they were having a Boer auction right then.

I just had to sign in and then I read the notice that I could not bid if I did not have a high speed connection. Fine. Glad they put that warning up. If I had found a goat that I just couldn’t live without, decided to put down $500 on it, by the time I saw this goat, put in my bid, they would have been on the tenth goat past the one I wanted. I would probably end up then with a poor little thing they had found hiding behind a bush somewhere that the highest bid at that time, before my bid came in, was $15.00. And, then, here’s this lady from West Virginia suddenly (for them) sending in a bid for $500 and says she can’t live without that little goat.

So, in spite of not having a fast internet connection, I still had a real blast watching my slow time auction. People who are on the slow dial up connection and who are also on tranquilizers or Zoloft or something like that, have got to realize that the auction is in very very slow time for us dial-ups and it’s not their medication acting up.

Because, when the narrator and the auctioneer speak, you will only hear about one word per sentence. Think of it as a game that you’ve played as a kid, give one word and the other kids have to guess what on earth you are going for. At least you have a hint, it has to do with goats. They say “Grand” and a sentence later says “Red” and a couple of sentences later “doe” and you can make up your own description of the goat. The auctioneer says “Ten’ and it’s either ten dollars or ten thousand or it’s ten o’clock.

Fortunately for us dial up slow timers, there is the paperwork on the goat to the left of the screen and what number they are, and to the right of the screen are all the numbers who have sold and the price they went for.

Also a good thing for slow time is when the goat is sent in, there is no speedy run-in and the goat bouncing around, everything for us is in slow motion. What’s so good about that? You can study the goat a long time because it is standing in one spot for minutes. No guessing about it’s conformation because it is moving too quickly. No problem there. Dial up slow timers have a long time to study the goat.

I did notice that one young girl showed up a lot holding the goats for people to look at. What made me notice her, besides her being on the screen a long time, was that she was wearing flip-flop sandals while handling the goats. I kept squirming, expecting to see a heavy adult goat standing square on her unprotected toes. They never did in the hour that I watched, but whew! I couldn’t hardly take it.

So talk about what great excitement there was in watching a live auction, there was also suspense in expecting a girl’s toes getting stomped. Wow! It was a fantastic auction. It beat television any day. Just think if I could have seen it in real time instead of dial up slow time. I don’t know if I could have stood it. It did occur to me that maybe I need to get off the farm more if this slow time auction could totally captivate me with the excitement and suspense. But, hey, who wants to think these internet auctions are uninteresting and mundane anyway? Maybe slow time dial up auctions are all I can handle. So, bring on those auctions. There’s a hog auction coming up soon that I don’t want to miss. And, I’m sure there is something about chickens scheduled next week that just can’t be missed. Just think of chickens moving in slow motion. Wouldn’t want to miss that!