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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NO…
ZAPPED!
WANNA BUY A GOAT (wink, wink, wink)?
by
Connie S. Reynolds
autumnfarmboers.com
Ravenswood, WV

October kidding is over and you would think that it is time to catch up on our rest. I think lack of sleep feeds on itself. The less sleep you get, expect to get even less then that. Take during kidding season. Our pregnant girls have their own alarm clock. Any time day or night, they can go off and start kidding. You may have it wrote down when they got bred, but even then they can decide if it’s going to be day 145 or day 153 or any time in between. Then they also have the hour down.

I have seen does not let on until breakfast is over, and then lie down and kid. You wouldn’t have known they were even getting ready to kid at all. I’ve seen others grunting, pawing, making nests, then run over to check out their feeder every few minutes. Now, maybe they are just trying to get their mind off of what is about to happen, but when I put out their breakfast and they gobble it down and then immediately lie down and kid. You know then that they were just putting kidding off to make sure they didn’t miss a meal. I’ve held off feed time to give them a chance to kid and they have held off kidding until they finally did get fed. So, we pretty much just go ahead and keep things on schedule and it works better that way. If she is one that is looking for that meal, she’ll eat it, but if she is one that doesn’t give a hoot and just wants to get kidding over with, she’ll ignore the meal and carry on with the business of kidding.

Whatever, during kidding you can still find yourself going without sleep. The baby monitors are left on and during the night, even after the regular checks down at the barn, you find yourself just lying there listening. One wrong peep and suddenly you are sitting straight up in bed going, “What’s zat?!” Then running up and down the hill in the middle of the night to see what exactly it was you thought you heard, this tends to shock you into extreme wakefulness.

I like it best when you have girls that talk to themselves before they kid. They might talk half a day or all night or a few hours or a few minutes before they kid. It’s a constant low key talking, sometimes a mumble, and you can just picture her standing there going, “Oh, dear, this is going to hurt.” Or, “Ouch. Not too bad, I can take it. Ouch.” Or, “I’m going to have a sweet baby. Ow.” The first timer says, “What?! Why am I hurting?! OW! Did something just move inside me? It’s an Alien! Oh no!”

At least the talkers give you a chance to get ready, even if you don’t get much sleep listening to them talk. Plus, they seem to be more willing to really let out a loud grunt when they push or a very loud yell when they push the kid out. That’s always good to get you fully awake and down to the barn.

But, what it all amounts to still is a lack of sleep during kidding season and after. Now, with us, usually we end up with some bottle babies. That first week of their little lives, you tend to give them a little bit of milk every few hours. And, if you are like us, you have the new bottle babies up in the living room in their Rubber Maid tubs for easier feeding. They are quite willing to let you know when they are hungry. After a week, I set them on a schedule of four times a day and slowly build up the amount of milk that they can take, but still, at the beginning, once again you are not getting the sleep you need or crave.

What happens to me when I get sleep deprived, other then the usual thing of acting like an idiot, not able to put two sentences together, and as soon as I sit down or lean against something I fall asleep, is that I get twitches. These twitches occur in one eye. Doesn’t matter which eye, but one eye will twitch.

This is a bit disconcerting when you are trying to read a label. You have two good eyes focused on a label and suddenly one blinks out on you. And, then it constantly blinks, while the other eye does its best to read what you need to know.

I’ll have to admit that it’s frightened more then a few goat customers, this sudden wink I give them. Picture this, someone sidling up to you and saying, “Wanna buy a goat?” and they suddenly wink at you, not once but several times. You would be totally confused too as to exactly what that wink meant.

You’d be more then confused, you’d be downright frightened having an older lady with wild gray frizzy hair, dressed in barn clothes, big bloodshot eyes from lack of sleep, sidle up to you and ask a confusing question about buying a goat, and then giving you several big winks. You’d certainly find me leaving the country fast.

Poor Lee, with all my winking at him, he doesn’t know what is going on. I ask him to get in a load of firewood to put in the wood box in the house because we are running low, and then I wink at him. I ask him to get me some more hay down from the loft, and then I wink at him. He doesn’t know if I’m just joking and we don’t really need those things at all. I have since advised him, when in doubt, get to work. It’s always safe to do the work then to not do the work.

Thinking about the goat customers, I will be very concerned if after I ask a goat customer if they want a particular goat and then find myself winking like crazy at them and instead of it putting them off, they sidle up to me in great friendliness. Maybe I should wear a patch over the offending eye until I catch up on my sleep. Yeah, right, that would look good. Look like a pirate and try to sell a goat. I’m sure that’s going to work. Looks like I’m back to winking at everyone.

THE END

 

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