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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEARíS RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NOÖ
ZAPPED!
SWASHBUCKLING ADVENTURES
by
Connie S. Reynolds
autumnfarmboers.com
Ravenswood, WV

Goat farming can involve many swashbuckling adventures and undercover spy missions. The excitement goat farming provides can keep the pulse racing for days. Basically, a goat farmer is never bored.

Take the other day, I keep two buck brothers together until breeding season. After breeding season they are put back together again. They know each other, are comfortable with each other, and generally get along well. They also both have horns and are evened up in that aspect, as I keep the disbudded bucks together, so no one gets an unfair advantage over another.

Though these horned brothers get along well together, every now and then something snaps and they have a fierce battle. I donít know what causes these disagreements. I sure canít see what sets them off, but they will calmly be standing there, not particularly doing anything different, and suddenly they will roll their eyes at each other and WHAM! A major head butt happens, followed by several more head butts, and then itís over. Maybe itís something that they need to get out of their system. A remembered insult? Someone ate more hay then the other? One said something to the otherís girlfriend standing in the other pasture? Who knows?

When they get into these contests, itís like fencing. No, not the kind involving woven wire. Itís the kind that involves swords or sabres, or epees, or foils, or whatever they call those long sharp pointy things. The horns on a goat can be sharp as knives, particularly when they get thrown in your direction with great power and speed.

So, I always keep this in mind when I go in to feed these particular horned buck boys. That day as I walked into their run-in shed to divvy out the grain in the different feeders so no one could take over all of it, and as I got to the last feeder, I saw it. The Look. The boys had been eating peacefully several feet from each other and they glanced at each other.

With quickness almost too fast for the eye to keep up with, they went for each other. No one shouted ďEn-garde!Ē as a warning and though in fencing competitions three people are needed, the two fencers and the referee, let me tell you I was the extremely reluctant referee! And what about the rest of the protocol of the fencing stance, the quiet moment before the storm? These boys went at it like two angry thunderheads, in a small building, with an innocent bystander in the corner.

In the fencing competitions, the judging is done in French. A lot of good that would have done me shouting French at the buck boys. I only know how to count up to ten in French and somehow I donít think that would have worked.

The best I could come up with was ďBoys! Boys!Ē Because when they realized they didnít have room to back off to square off again for another charge, they started pushing and slashing, countering each slash so none landed lethally on them. But, it was another thing for me. One of the buck boys had horns that went back and then curved outward and when he swung his head, I was in the path of those curved ends of the horns. If it had been a true fencing competition, that fellow would have scored a lot of points off of me.

But, I was doing my best. Hollering, whooping, ducking, dodging, penned in a corner. I even joined in the fight a few times, slapping which ever big buck was the closest to getting me and hollering at the top of my lungs, ďBoys! Boys!Ē And, they never even noticed me and my slaps, they were so intent on each other. And, as quickly as that storm blew up, it blew away with one of the bucks charging out of the shed and the other one standing there taking a breather. It was one huge swashbuckling fight all right and all three of us was tired. I only wished Iíd come to the fight with something besides my hands to slap with. I left there with a few nicks and bruises and a better idea on how to feed the boys next time, never side by side even if there was a large space between them.

But, goat farmers are made of firm stuff and that night I was ready for our undercover spy mission. Lee and I waited until it got dark and the momma goats with their month old kids bedded down. Something we have always done for years is wean the kids at two months of age. It just worked for us and fit into our schedule, but we liked to give the kids their first CD/T shot and first worming when they hit one month of age, and the booster and another worming 22-28 days later.

Over the years the kids havenít got any slower, but Lee and I have. So now we wait until they bed down, get our flashlights, coolers of CD/T, a dewormer, and head out to the run-in sheds. One corner of a shed we set up a light and put our supplies of stuff out where the goats canít reach them and with a list of the kids due their shots, we went on the prowl. I keep meaning to get some of that camouflage paint to put stripes down our faces so we blend into the dark better, but I keep forgetting. And, Lee absolutely refuses to let me use permanent Magic Marker on us. Something about going to work the next day.

But, we do pretty good in the dark anyway. The kids are all cozy and the mommas are use to Lee and I acting oddly and donít budge, so we snatch a kid up easily, carry him back to the light, give him his shot and worming and brag on him and pet him or her afterwards and carry them back to their momma to keep things as settled and quiet as possible. Every now then an alarm is sounded by someone and the kids scatter, but even then, they are easy to pick off in the dark. Or, you just quietly wait until they settle down again.

Thus ended the day of a goat farmer, with swashbuckling adventures and undercover spy missions. Canít wait to see what the next day will bring.


THE END

 

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