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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NO…
ZAPPED!
HELP! HELP! HELP!
by
Connie S. Reynolds
autumnfarmboers.com
Ravenswood, WV

So help me, if I hear another HELP! from my animals, I’m going to... I guess I’ll do what I usually do after checking out the problem, either laugh my head off or say, “Good Grief.” When I hear someone calling for help out in the pasture or down at the barn, usually my heart is in my mouth as I go running, stumbling, falling down the hill to see what is wrong. Once in a while you find an adult goat down, calling for assistance, but usually it’s my kids just totally surprised at the world around them.

We also have a new livestock guard dog pup, Dusty Sue, who can get perturbed over the oddest things and bark for help, too. But, that’s a pup for you, the whole world is a brand new experience for them. She’s six months old now and even when younger, she was always a quiet very studious dog. She’d sit on the hill or in with the goats, and just quietly contemplate life. Maybe because when she did move, all those big bones, big joints, big feet just sort of went in all awkward directions and she could easily crash.

But, now she does know the important things to be wary of, June bugs. Our June bugs appear in May and all throughout August. I don’t know how they got the name June bugs. They are big ol’ harmless green things that can’t fly worth a hoot. They are all the time accidentally dive bombing you. You keep expecting a little voice to say, “Ooops. Excuse me. Wind currents, don’t you know. Sorry.”

I am constantly saving them out of the water tubs and buckets where they have once again missed the mark and dive bombed into water. They struggle along in the water tubs, trying to do the breast stroke to stay afloat, but they are worse swimmers than they are flyers. When I scoop them out of the water, they cling to my fingers for dear life and it’s hard to convince them to let go. I listen for a June bug voice to say, “That was a close one. I thought I’d bought the farm that time. Am I really out of the water? Maybe I’d better hold on tighter. Don’t want to fall back in.”

So, when Dusty Sue comes snooping around the barn and starts getting dive bombed by big awkward green bugs, she’s totally flabbergasted. I found her one day barking in a high pitch puppy hysterical bark at the ground in the barn. I went over to look, and, of course, it was a June bug awkwardly wallowing around trying to get set up for another chance of uncontrolled flight. After checking on her several times when she barked about the crazy June bugs dive bombing her, I just started ignoring it.

One day I was busy with chores and Dusty Sue started her hysterical puppy bark. I just continued on with what I was doing and ignored her. I did notice that she was a little away from the barn this time, but I figured it was just another June bug. I know for over a half hour she kept it up. Once she stopped suddenly and went off to have a good BM. After all, you can only take so much excitement, but she immediately came back to bark at the ground.

Okay, I decided I’d better check it out. She had a huge black snake all coiled up and keeping its eye on her. It had been heading for the barn when Dusty Sue found it. And, Dusty Sue decided it wasn’t right for this thing to go to the barn. Lee came and saved the black snake and Dusty Sue by picking the snake up and carrying it to a spring on top the hill.

The other day I heard a kid frantically calling for help. I hurried around the hay barn to see what was going on and found a kid in the old bathtub that was used to catch rain water. The tub was empty of water, but the old tub was the kind that use to have legs that had long disappeared and we now had setting on blocks. Kids love to play in those tubs, taking running goes and leaping in and when several leap in at the same time, sometimes the tub will get knocked off of the blocks on one side and tilt at an angle.

That’s what happened here, the tub was at an angle and this one kid just couldn’t figure it out. Why couldn’t she stand upright in her favorite tub? She kept losing her balance and sliding down the side of the tub, jumping up, losing her balance, sliding down the side again and again. “Help! Help!” she called frantically.

By the time I got to her, she was going, “This isn’t so bad. Hey! This is fun!” and all the other kids were standing around the half tipped tub going, “I want a turn! I want a turn!” She got so happy and excited that she kicked her heels up and leaped out of the tub, running laps around the new play tub. Good grief.

After that close call, I decided I’d better go in and check the hay feeder in their run-in shed and happened to notice a kid walking around carrying a three pound coffee can I had forgot and had left there. That can was over her muzzle, covering her eyes, and she was hesitantly walking around. She wasn’t alarmed. My goats tend to be bucket heads anyway. Soon as they see an empty plastic feed or water bucket, they immediately stick their heads in it, pick it up and carry it on top of their heads, drop it, and do it again, unless someone else steals it to carry around like that, all very unconcerned. I’m starting to think I have very strange goats.

This was a new one, carrying a large can over the muzzle and covering the eyes and walking around with it. Why not? I have bucket head goats, why not canned head goats? I retrieved my can and put it up. The kid was very disappointed in me.

So, several times during the day, I find myself going out to help some animal. I wonder if this is the way my mom felt when all of us children were growing up. I don’t know how many times one of us fell in the commode when backing up to sit down while brushing our teeth at the sink. Naturally forgetting the all important thing of putting the lid down first. She made a lot of trips up those stairs to pull us out. The world can be a surprising place for children, too.

THE END

 

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