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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NO…
ZAPPED!

ESCORT SERVICE
by
Connie S. Reynolds
autumnfarmboers.com
Ravenswood, WV

When you became a goat farmer, did you ever think you would also be into escort services? A goat farmer wears many hats on the farm. You have to wear a vet hat many times. If you think you can find a vet that will run out and give that shot or take that temperature or worm that goat for you every single time, think again. Most areas don’t have large animal vets and if you do have one that will do that, the vet bills will put you out of business.

Goat farmers have to wear a feed hat, selecting feed for your goats, eyeing the cost, nutritional value, etc. A hay hat is necessary if you buy your goat hay or make your own hay. You have to decide which hay works the best, the cost, when to get it, etc. You also wear a seed hat, not only if you make your own hay, but to keep up the quality of your pastures. Lee and I like to frost seed in February different seeds such as blue grass, clovers, anything else that will benefit the land and the goats. Don’t forget the farrier hat. You will be having to trim goat hooves sometime in your goat farming. Milk maid hats another one. Seems like there is always a does or does who produce beau coups amount of milk that her little ones can’t handle the first week, so she has to be milked. And, the different hats go on that you will be wearing in being a goat farmer.

It occurred to me last week that I was also in the escort business. The bucks are in with their does now for those Jan. kids. I happened to look out the window and saw in one pen where a young doe had left Esau’s herd of does and had walked around the hill and into a little dip and was up against the fence where she could look in the next pen at the neighboring buck. She thought he was cute and she stood there and was wagging her tail for all it was worth and making big blinky eyes at that buck.

Well, Esau didn’t have a clue what was going on. She was out of sight and he had all these other girls around him. It never occurred to him to peek over the hill and see if anyone was missing. I let out a big sigh and decided it was time to go for a walk.

I walked down the hill and went into his pen and walked into the middle of his girls and told Esau, “Esau, come on. I want to show you something. Come on, Esau.” I headed out around the hill. He studied me a moment and curiosity won out. None of those girls were in heat to keep him around and he just had to see what I was up to. Around the hill I went with Esau walking beside me and then he spotted his wayward doe, making goo-goo eyes at the buck in the other pen.

He took off at a trot, hollering to her, and I thought, now I’m an escort service. Wonder what type of hat you wear for this? Lee and I both escort goats all over the place. The beginning of this breeding season we put the does into the pastures and pens first and then had to go get the bucks. We learned a long time ago to never put the bucks in their separate breeding pen first. When you go get the does to go in with the buck already there, he is waiting at the gate breathing fire and brimstone, bellowing, “Come to me, Baby!” and the girls are going, “Help! Help! Get me out of here!” Digging their hooves in to keep from being pushed into that pen and almost putting hooves on either side of the gate and both Lee and I pushing for all we are worth to get them in. No, it’s far easier to put the girls in first and then go get the buck that is suppose to go into that pen.

If he has been bred before, he knows immediately what is going on when you start sorting the girls. All Lee had to do with Gideon is open his pasture gate up and tell Gideon to come on, that he knew what was going on. Gideon quite happily followed Lee to the girl’s pasture, Lee opened the gate and Gideon charged in. You don’t have to worry about girls trying to escape out the gate, because at first they don’t want anywhere near that buck, and you don’t have to worry about an experienced buck refusing to go into the does’ pen.

The oldest buck on the place was even easier. You open his gate and just take a step in the direction of the pen you want him in and he takes the lead and just goes there. One of the younger bucks is not use to the system yet and we knew he would be harder to take to his breeding pen and once we opened his gate. He would probably high tail it out of there to Timbuktu or wherever. He would be so excited to be free that he wouldn’t follow a feed bucket. So, we went and got an older doe that loves to follow a feed bucket and had her standing there munching grain when we threw his gate open.

He did pretty much said, “Whoooeeeeee, I’m free!” and took off. But, he just couldn’t leave that doe, even though we were standing there. I started walking with the feed bucket, the doe followed with her head in the bucket, still munching, and the buck couldn’t help himself and followed the doe. We got them both in the pen we wanted with the other does that were for him. He ran to greet them, spooked them away from our lead doe with the grain bucket and we took her out because she was already bred. He never even noticed that his first love was now missing.

Lee has opened up a new pasture for the main herd that is way back on the hill. I have to go find my Tour Guide hat now to take them to it and walk them around to see all the interesting sights. There’s a huge clump of multi-flora rose they will be very interested in visiting, also plenty of Iron weed and native grasses, and I’ve got to remember to point out a low hanging Maple and Locust tree that they can eat while walking on their hind legs. There’s nothing more satisfying to a Tour Guide than happy customers. Now, where did I put that hat?

THE END

 

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