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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
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KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
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M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NO…
ZAPPED!

DRAMA QUEEN
by
Connie S. Reynolds
autumnfarmboers.com
Ravenswood, WV

Goats have personalities. That’s the plain and simple truth. In the middle of our kidding season with anywhere from 30-40 does in separate kidding stalls, you get to see quite a variety of personalities. You have the demanding does, the polite does, the I’ll be polite only just so long does, the screamers when they run out of hay, the screamers when they kid (I like those, at least you know when they are kidding), and the list goes on.

Mz Temper was a new personality for me, a Drama Queen. Mz Temper was born an impatient baby. When her mommy was trying to kid her sister, she stood in front of her mother and stomped her little foot and had a fit that her mother would not stand up to let her nurse. A very precocious kid.

Now, she was big with kid, in a kidding stall and living it up. I was there to feed her, water her, and pet her whenever she wanted. This was more like it, to her way of thinking. She was also the type that you knew immediately when she was thinking about kidding. She started talking.

Oh, goodness, I don’t mean human speech, just goat talk. It wasn’t loud or raucous, just calm goat talk, like “Hmmm, I feel a mite uncomfortable. Wonder why?” Or, “Gee, was that a slight pain? I really don’t think this is feels good at all.”

A lot of our goats do talk before they kid. Once they start talking, it can take anywhere from an hour to several hours before they actually kid. You never know, but at least you know you are somewhere in the ballpark that they are about to kid. Some even turn their heads around and talk to their bellies, as if talking to their kids.

Mz Temper was just standing in the corner and discussing things with herself. Since I had been up all night with some other does kidding and hadn’t had any sleep, and the thought of walking up and down that hill from the barn to the house to keep checking on her was more than I could bear, I opted to get my favorite bucket and just go sit in her stall and doze until she became more serious about kidding.

When I came tiredly into her stall with my kidding bucket, my sitting bucket, and my supply of low carb bars and a diet Pepsi in case I got peckish and needed a snack, Mz Temper was thrilled to death. She had an audience. She immediately came over to tell me all about what had been happening until I had finally made it to her stall.

I got settled in with all my things and got comfortable on my bucket and Mz Temper went back to her corner to continue talking, giving me a running commentary on exactly what was going on and what she was feeling at that moment. I found myself nodding off, trying to catch a little cat nap before the big event, when something jarred me awake.

There stood Mz Temper, snuffling softly on my face, making sure I was awake. After all, she wanted someone alert to appreciate what she was going through. When she saw I was awake, she went back to her corner to continue talking. Of course, she could have come over to make sure I hadn’t died on her. That would be too much of an embarrassment for her trying to explain that it was really the fall from the bucket was what killed me, not her constant droning on and on and on.

My face got snuffled on quite a bit as I repeatedly tried to doze off. Mz Temper was not having any of that sleep stuff on her watch. I was to be ready immediately, if she needed me.

After two hours I decided to make the rounds and check on the other girls. Usually the girls are use to me or Lee in or near their stall when they kid, but every now and then you have one who takes advantage of a situation and quietly kids while we are busy with someone else. They don’t want two busy bodies around when they have something important to do and if it wasn’t for their newly born kid hollering, we wouldn’t even know they had kidded. So, off I went to see what everyone else was doing in the barn.

As I started to leave Mz Temper’s stall, she turned frantically and hollered to me, like, “Where you going? You leaving me now? I still need you!” I told her I’d be back in a minute. She kept hollering to me while I checked out the barn and would not settle down until I was back in her stall and sitting on my bucket.

Then she started kidding. She whooped and bellowed and carried on something dreadful and then easily kidded out two beautiful kids. The easiest kidding I’d ever seen, but don’t tell Mz Temper. She would have gone on and on and on how dreadfully hard she’d had it.

Then, when her kids were before her, she still couldn’t quit talking. Such bragging on her own kids I’ve never heard the likes. Once again, on and on she went on their beauty. Even when she had them thoroughly cleaned, fed, and bedded down, she went on and on. There was no kid as magnificent as her kids, she told the world. In fact, she went on so much that an hour later we got concerned that just maybe she had a third kid in there that couldn’t come and she was still talking to it.

I got hold of her, Lee gloved up and went in to check her out. No kid lurking around inside, unable to get out. Whew! We just had a major Drama Queen on our hands who had got herself checked from all her carrying on.

A couple of days later another doe started kidding. She was a quiet, polite, unassuming doe who never said a word until the final push came, and then she started bellowing. I heard another doe bellowing too. Another doe was kidding! Wait. That couldn’t be, this was the last one. You guessed it. It was Mz Temper yelling every time the doe yelled, echoing her exactly as someone who was kidding. Good Grief. Once a Drama Queen, always a Drama Queen.

THE END

 

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