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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BEING IN DE'NIAL
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COPPER AS DIETARY SUPPLIMENT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CREEP FEEDING KIDS
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DR JECKLE, MR HIDE
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
EVALUATION OF FEEDLOT RATIONS
F A T G O A T S
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEED COMPARISON
FEEDING MANAGEMENT OF A GOAT HERD
FEEDING PREGNANT DOES
FEEDING THE GOAT
FEEDING VALUE
FEEDING VALUE OF WHOLE COTTONSEED
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID MILK FORMULA
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LANGSTON FEED FORMULA
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEAT GOAT HOME STUDY COURSE ANNOUNCED BY PENN STATE
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MINERAL SUPPLEMENT FOR GOATS
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEARíS RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PASTURE FEEDING
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLANT POISIONING
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROBLEM WITH SALT BLOCKS
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
RAISING RUMENS
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TUBE FEEDING, TUBING 1
TUBE FEEDING, TUBING 2
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER FEEDING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NOÖ
ZAPPED!

SUPER SUCKERS
by
Connie S. Reynolds
autumnfarmboers.com
Ravenswood, WV

I am sure I have had national champions in super sucker bottle babies. Each has had their own style, but most have been amazing super suckers. The intenseness of these bottle babies, when they finally learn what a bottle is, is amazing.

Sure, in the very beginning with some bottle kids, you wonder if they will ever learn to take a bottle. The first week you may have to pry their mouths open to get the bottle nipple in and also possibly get a wet paper towel and have your spouse or children rub the bottle babyís bottom with it to encourage them to take a bottle, but eventually they catch on and then watch out. They are better than any blood hound in hunting a bottle down and then latching on to it. Why use a wet paper towel to encourage them, some might be wondering? What does the mommy do with her new baby? Sheís always cleaning them, particularly when they are nursing and the only thing she can reach is their rear then. Of course, when they actually do make a mess, she seems to forget about cleaning their little rears and expects you to come by with a diaper wipe or wet paper towel to do the honors. But, thatís another story.

The extreme focus of these little babies on their bottles is amazing. Sure, I know they are hungry, but it is more than that. I have one little girl that when she latches onto that bottle, she stares full in my face, eyes big and round and bugging out as she sucks her bottle down. It looks like she is saying, ďOh, boy, Iíd better hurry here. At any minute she might take my bottle away!Ē I laugh at that big bug-eyed stare every time I feed her.

One of her bottle companions is the exact opposite. Sure, heís as eager for that bottle as the bug-eyed girl, but once he gets it, according to him, allís right with the world. A dreamy look comes to his face, his eyes go half closed, life is indeed truly wonderful. Oh, he doesnít slow down on his sucking, it just doesnít occur to him that I might take it way before he is finished, as it does with the little bug-eyed girl.

So help me, I think as strong a sucker as bottle kids are, I canít help but think if I picked the bottle straight up, they would still be hanging onto the nipple. No, Iím not mean enough to try that but it does bring back memories of Drunkardís Paradise.

Years ago, in Horse Fun Shows there was always one or two events to test our expertise in riding and showing horses. One was called Drunkardís Paradise. In this event you need to find a friend who is willing to ride double with you on your horse and the one riding behind has to suck a baby bottle full of Kool-aid and the first one done in the ring, that team wins a ribbon for either first or second or third or fourth place.

So, whatís so hard about that? The rider, the one in front, has to steer the horse with one hand while holding onto the bottle with the other and the one behind is not allowed to touch that bottle at any time. The one doubling has to latch onto that bottle and suck for all their worth through a walk, trot, canter, and hand gallop.

The rider who is steering the horse does the best if the horse is already trained to neck rein, so it is possible to ride one handed while trying to hold that bottle over your shoulder as steady as possible for the friend behind to suck. And, the friend behind had better have good strong teeth, because the bumping and beating those front teeth are going to take as the horse trots and canters can be quite painful. Plus, the friend has to be tough enough to not mind getting splashed with Kool-aid in the face and down the shirt.

And, if your horse tends to be rough and bouncy, itís a dickens of a time to get a dislodged baby bottle back into your partnerís mouth while holding that bottle over your shoulder and trotting or cantering a horse. Do you know who won this event in our area year after year? A mother who was an unbelievable rider and who kept having children about every year, and had her children riding horses even before they were born because she liked to ride while nine months pregnant. She would put her last yearís toddler behind her saddle, reach that bottle way over her shoulder and once that toddler got hold of that bottle, nothing that horse did could dislodge that bottle from that toddlerĎs mouth. Thatís the determination I see in bottle kids for hanging onto their bottles. I always suspected she had children so regularly so she would always have a toddler available to win Drunkardís Paradise.

Well, enough of my admiration for super suckers. I have a couple of those national champion suckers down at the barn now demanding their bottles. Now they could beat anyone in Drunkardís Paradise with time to spare.

THE END

 

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