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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NO…
ZAPPED!

WHAT’STH THISTH?
by
Connie S. Reynolds
autumnfarmboers.com
Ravenswood, WV

The above is newborn baby language before they've learned how to use their tongue. Newborn kids are fascinating. They can be both frustrating to deal with and extremely sweet at the same time. You never know how they are going to respond when they first pop out into the world.

Pop may be too optimistic a word for some newborns. It’s more like a slow squeeze and I’m sure he’s thinking that someone pointed him towards too small a hole for him to come out. Now a few do seem to just pop out or flow out rather quickly, but it seems a lot more have to slowly edge their way out, half inch by half inch.

When Madeline’s little boy came out into the world yesterday, it was that slow half inch by half inch and when she had finally got his head and front two feet out she got tired of the whole business, stood up and gave a mighty grunt and shot him out. Taken by surprise, I was really thinking she was getting up to lie down in a better position, I almost missed him before he hit the ground. I never was any good in softball, can’t catch a ball worth a hoot, but shoot a kid past me and I usually catch them.

Madeline then quickly turned around to check her boy over and clean him up. After she had cleaned him, checked him over to make sure he had all of his ears and a good rump, she laid back down to get the second one out. The little boy accepted his position under the heat lamp and patiently waited for mom to come back to him, no fuss no bother.

Madeline got down to pushing and once again, half inch by half inch she was getting this next kid out. Only this one seemed to think this was an even smaller hole to come out of than the first, because this little kid had it’s tongue hanging out the side of its mouth. Not an encouraging sight, but things seemed to be going along normally enough. And, Madeline did the same exact thing again, but I was ready this time, caught the kid half way to the ground instead of just inches, like the last, when she suddenly stood and gave that mighty grunt.

Madeline quickly wheeled around again and started cleaning her kid even before I got the chance to lay it on the hay. The little girl still had her tongue sticking out of the side of her mouth, very disconcerting to me, but didn’t seem to bother Madeline or the little girl at all. She started talking to her mom with a cute little lisp and “th” at the end of each Na and Ba, because, after all, her tongue was hanging out the side of her mouth.

When Madeline’s son, who had been quietly standing by, saw things were over, he walked to mom, looking for something to eat. I milked each teat and took the milk plugs out and pointed him to a teat. He had put up with me putting Iodine on his belly button and squirting some Kid Kare into his mouth, but to his thinking this had to stop and he got mad if I helped. Some kids are like that, you just have to back off and watch to make sure they do nurse. Which he did in his very solid fashion.

Now our little girl who, by the way, still had her tongue hanging out of the side of her mouth, seemed to appreciate all the attention. The licking (done by the goat) and the toweling (done by me), the Kid Kare, which she smacked her lips in appreciation in spite of her tongue hanging out the side of her mouth, and even tolerated the Iodine on the belly button. She just seemed to happily accept any help or attention. She even let me direct her to the nearest teat, which she latched on to with great hunger and sucked mightily. Yes, with her little tongue hanging out of the side of her mouth.

I found this tongue thing a little perplexing, but she seemed all right, mom and kids were getting along fine. The little girl talked funny with her tongue out the side of her mouth, but it wasn’t slowing her down any, so I wandered off to continue with chores.

An hour later I heard a baby crying and hurried back to the stall to see what was going on. The little girl was just fine. That pesky tongue had disappeared, evidently she had found a good place to store it, and she was happily basking under the warmth of the heat lamp.

It was the boy, the solid citizen, who was bitterly complaining. The same one who so easily marched up and claimed a teat to suck. Having a very good mother who wouldn’t move an inch if one of her kids was nursing, he just couldn’t figure out why his plan wasn’t working. He had laid himself down under his mom and had miscalculated.

His plan had been to lay and leisurely sip his favorite beverage, but he had placed himself probably about two inches back from the teat and his outstretched neck. He couldn’t reach it! He stretched and stretched that little neck and still couldn’t reach that teat.

Boy, that made him mad! He laid there looking so comfortable and he couldn’t reach the teat, so close and yet so far. And, mom wouldn’t move an inch for him! He couldn’t believe a mother could be so unfair!

What really made him mad was that dork of a sister who had earlier walked around with her tongue out of the side of her mouth, would simply walk up and nurse off the teat he wanted! How dare she!

He must have hollered for ten minutes before it finally occurred to him to get up and go nurse. By evening the little family was happily settled in, each knowing what they had to do, the boy had to walk to go eat, the girl had to remember where she had put her tongue. All was right with the world.

THE’TH END’TH

 

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