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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NO…
ZAPPED!
EAR PLUGS FOR YOU AND EAR PLUGS FOR YOU AND...

Ah, weaning season. Time to separate those babies from the mothers, an extremely loud but necessary part of goat farming. The kids are calling to their moms and the moms are calling to the kids and neither can understand why the other just can’t come to them. So, a whole lot of yelling goes on for a week to two weeks, depending on just how determined they are. If you are weaning only a couple of does and their kids, well, that’s loud enough, but increase that to thirty does or more and you think that hearing damage is going to be cause for concern for all involved.

That’s why I offer ear plugs to all customers who come at this time to look over the goats. Above the din of momma’s and babies yelling at full vocal capacity, you hear human voices. The neighbors know exactly what is going on at our place during this time of the year because everything is said at full shout in order to be heard through the ear plugs and over the goat yells.

“YOU SAY THIS GOAT HAS FOUR GOOD LEGS?” “NO, I SAID SHE HAS FOUR LEGS.” “OH, THAT’S GOOD, ISN’T IT?” “YES, FOUR LEGS CAN BE VERY HANDY.”

“LEE, IT’S TIME FOR LUNCH!” “YOU SAY YOU BET A BUNCH? ABOUT WHAT?” “NO, I SAID IT’S TIME FOR LUNCH!” “WELL, I’M NOT BETTING ON ANYTHING UNTIL I KNOW WHAT I’M BETTING ON!” “WHAT? YOU SAY YOU WANT BUTTER ON IT? BUT, WE’RE HAVING SALAD!”

So, you can see how the neighbors can learn a great deal about our farm life during weaning time, because everything is said at the top of our lungs. Whether it makes sense or not.

“YOU SAY IT’S TIME TO GO FEED?” “WHAT? WHO GOT TREED? THE DOGS ARE ALL WITH ME.”

People will drive up and as they step out of the truck they usually stagger backwards at the force of that full cry of mothers and kids yelling down at the barn. They just hadn’t realize what I meant over the phone that it was a bit noisy from weaning or maybe they just didn’t understand what I shouted to them over the phone. The phone does get a bit of static when you scream into it.

“SURE, COME ON OUT. WE’RE DOING A BIT OF WEANING NOW BUT THAT SHOULDN’T STOP YOU FROM LOOKING. I HAVE PLENTY OF EAR PLUGS.”

When they arrive I’ll quickly hand them the ear plugs, if they haven’t already hurriedly crawled back into their trucks and left at this point. Those brave enough to stay, quickly snatch the ear plugs with shaky hands and stuff them in their ears. I remind many of them to take them out of the little boxes first. Works better that way and less painful.

After that we go around the farm discussing the attributes of each of the for sale goats and the price. “HOW MUCH IS THIS ONE?” “SHE’S THREE HUNDRED.” “THREE THOUSAND?! WHY DON’T YOU JUST SAY YOU DON’T WANT TO SELL HER INSTEAD OF TRYING TO COMMIT HIGHWAY ROBBERY?!” “WHAT?! THERE’S SOMEONE ROBBING ON THE HIGHWAY? DID YOU CALL 911?” “NINE HUNDRED AND ELEVEN DOLLARS? THAT’S MORE LIKE IT!” “WHAT‘S THIS? WHY ARE YOU GIVING ME NINE HUNDRED AND ELEVEN DOLLARS?” “TAKE IT OR I WILL THINK YOU ARE A CROOK!”

So the weaning continues and, for a week or more, you will still hear me, Lee, the mommas and kids talking at the top of our lungs. “LEE, WHICH ONE WAS THAT YELLING?” “WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHICH ONE WAS THAT? THEY’RE ALL YELLING! “NO, I’M PRETTY SURE IT WAS BIG BERTHA YELLING. I’D BETTER GO CHECK.”

Yes, it’s true. After a while you learn individual yells and who they belong to and if they are in trouble or just annoyed.

“I’D BETTER CHECK FANCY MYRTLE, LEE, SHE’S SOUNDING DIFFERENT TOO.” “GOOD GRIEF! WE’VE GOT A GOAT NAMED FERTILE MYRTLE?” “NO, NO, SHE’S FANCY MYRTLE!” “OH! WELL, FANCY TURTLE IS A MUCH BETTER NAME.”

Yes, life continues on the goat farm, going through all it’s seasons. Breeding season, taking care of pregnant does season, kidding season, caring for momma and kids season, weaning season, and so on. Life is never dull or quiet on a goat farm, particularly during weaning season.

“OH! I HEAR ONE OF THE WEANED BABIES, BIONIC BONNIE, YELLING DIFFERENTLY DOWN AT THE BARN. I’D BETTER GO CHECK. YOU ALL HAVE A GOOD DAY AND IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON AT OUR FARM, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS JUST LISTEN!”

THE END


 

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